Greasy, Depressing Little Man Whom No One Saw Coming

We all have that one guy we hate doing night watch with on our ship

"I swear to god i just saw something" Ohhh my goddd

long distance friendships are terrible what do you mean I can’t hug you or sit with you or lay on your floor when I’m bored what dO YOU MEAN

Yeah. Just yeahhh. I think about this alot actually. Like wdym I can't just come over to your house and yap at you for yapping sake? Like wdym I can't just go get fast food for us and bring it to you when you need food? Wdym-

translator's note: this translation sucks just learn the original language for fucks sake

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

(snaps out of it) OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!! HOLY JESUS CHRIST FUCK WHY DID NOBODY TRY TO STOP ME (eases back into it) ahhhh. yeah this feels right

I clicked fearing it would be Out Of Touch but, instead, it is perfectly splendid

ID: video of a lone frog on the edge of a patio facing a grass lawn in the dark of night while it rains heavily. Halo 3 ODST's track 'Deference for Darkness' plays over the video, giving a deep melancholic feel, as the frog jumps into the grass.

May I perchance see a picture of the employee first?

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

many things are sexy but not in a sexual way

every friend group has a corpse in it. if you think yours doesn't, YOU'RE the corpse.

it should be illegal for things in drawers to accumulate dust. you were IN the drawer WHAT is your problem