Treating People With Respect 101

i’ve seen a lot of poc calling out this post already but not many people have given longer responses so i will try to do that

1) my name is what i say my name is. when asked how to pronounce my name, sometimes i just say the anglicized pronunciation and sometimes i tell people “the anglicized pronunciation that i prefer is _____.” i literally never introduce myself with the vietnamese pronunciation of my name.

2) for the well-meaning ally, it might seem disrespectful to use an anglicized pronunciation. please consider that it is also disrespectful to use or ask that i tell you a pronunciation other than the one i’ve already given. to ask for or use another pronunciation is to defy what i am telling you. that’s rude and disrespectful.

3) to do so also shows how entitled you as a white person are. you are not entitled to my name, my language, or my culture. you can have access to those things if i invite you in.

4) “no sweetie you’re safe here” “i’d rather look stupid and learn your real name than have you give me your shortened version … to make your name more ‘convenient’ for me to say” you might be a good person and a good ally, but i’m inclined to think that you’re not. don’t assume that my decision to introduce myself with an anglicized pronunciation is for YOUR benefit. i would NOT introduce myself by a mispronunciation because i’m worried that my real name would be inconvenient for you. it is MY preference for you to use this anglicized pronunciation. please think about why you think that poc are doing these things for your benefit. please think about why you potentially consider poc to be so subservient as to mispronounce our own names SOLELY for YOUR convenience. it has nothing to do with you.

4.5) re: being a good ally to poc. we can’t tell the difference between a white person and a White Person TM, but in my personal experience most are a White Person TM.

5) try to think about this. “where are you from? no, where are you REALLY from? like, where is your FAMILY from?” vs. “how do you say your name? no, how do you REALLY say your name?” etc. it’s the same damn thing. you’re not entitled to anything other than what i say to you. if i tell you i’m from canada then you accept that as the answer. if i tell you my name is an anglicized pronunciation then you accept that as the answer.

“Female” is an adjective. “Woman” is a noun. 

Referring to a person as “A Female” or a group of people as “Females” is objectifying, because it reduces them to that singular characteristic. It’s kind of a subtle thing, esp. if you’re learning English as a second language. 

It functions linguistically in a very similar way to other identifying adjectives such as “black” or “trans” or “gay.”  It’s totally fine to say “a black person” or “black people” but saying “a black” or “some blacks” sounds inherently racist, because you stop describing people’s race and start defining them as nothing more than their race. 

It’s totally fine to say “a transgender person” or “transgender people” but “a transgender” or “some transgenders” sounds inherently transphobic. 

Same with “a gay person”/“gay people” vs “a gay”/“some gays” 

In addition to that, “females” as a noun is also primarily used by MRAs (”Male Rights Activists” who are misogynist) and TERFs (”Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists” who are transmisogynist). 

The “Angry Dark Skin Friend”

There’s a common pattern in many forms of black media where there are 2 black female characters who are friends or sisters, one being lighter in skintone, while the other is darker. Even though darkskin and lightskin women form friendships all the time, the way they’re commonly depicted in Black Media is what stands out and perpetuates certain stereotypes:

1. in the film/show/etc, the main character/focus of the 2 is typical the lighter skin woman

2. this makes the darker skin woman the “sidekick”

3. the lighter skin woman is portrayed as prettier, nicer, “classier”, more reserved, and/or overall more likeable and desirable

4. the darker skin woman is portrayed as shady, mean, loud, desperate, abrasive, aggressive, and/or overall less attractive (many would say “ghetto”)

These photos show just a few examples that came to mind…

Coming to America (1988) - The darker skin sister was more desperate for a man, chasing after Prince Akeem, Simi, and even her sister’s ex-fiancé. In the frame of society’s norms, this would be seen as “fast”, “tacky” or lacking in morals, which would therefore, make her less fitting to be a wife.

House Party (1990) - The darker skin friend (AJ Johnson) was the louder, more outgoing friend who was ready to date both Kid & Play, whereas Tisha Campbell’s character was more timid, and ended up being Kid’s “better suited” love interest.

Martin (1992-1997) - Once again, Tisha Campbell is playing the main female character, Gina Waters, and love interest to the main character, Martin Payne. While Gina is depicted as a kinder, classier, professional, “wifey” type, her best friend/assistant Pamela James, played by Tichina Arnold, is depicted as a loud, angry, man-less, berating black woman with “buckshots” and “beedeebees” in her “horse” hair, who was constantly butting heads with Martin.

Proud Family (2001-2005) - Penny, the lighter skin girl, was the main character with Dijonay, the darker skin girl, as the friend/sidekick. Dijonay had a less “traditional” name, as did her many siblings, was portrayed as louder, having more attitude, and was constantly chasing after Sticky, a boy who not only didn’t want her, but preferred the lighter skin friend, Penny.

The fact that Disney churns out film after film after film after film about white people with a maximum of one film per ethnicity that showcases a group other than white people is whitewashing.

The fact that the story of “Pocahontas” (not her real name) has been substantially altered so that some of the white people in that story don’t look like such villains, with John Smith younger and Pocahontas significantly older, as well as recounting a popular myth of her saving John Smith from near-execution (a story John Smith made up to make himself look brave, the real Pocahontas told him to stop telling and hated him for using her to make himself look good, and he started to spread like wildfire after she died because she could no longer object) is whitewashing.

The fact that the characters on “How I Met Your Mother” are all white, and they supposedly live in New York City, but apparently associate exclusively with other white people (with the exception of Wayne Brady, who occasionally visits from out of town, and a recurring taxi driver) is whitewashing.

The fact that the Doctor has now been a white man a full twelve times in a row is whitewashing even though the character’s always been white, because the idea that there’s a character whose entire appearance can change in a matter of seconds, yet ends up white twelve times in a row by pure random chance, implies that white is a neutral default and other races are a deviation from that norm. 

The fact that people get really angry at the suggestion that characters like Newt Scamander or Hermione Granger could be black because the books never explicitly say “they are black” is whitewashing.

Because that’s the thing. People often assume that when someone’s race isn’t explicitly specified, they’re white. People insist that Katniss Everdeen must be white because it is possible for them to rationalize that idea in their head. People think of white as “raceless” and every other color or ethnicity as “raced,” and that’s what we call “eurocentrism.“ 

And that’s the thing about whitewashing. It’s this idea that a “person” is white, and a “person of color” is black or asian or arab or latin@ or whatever they might be.

It’s why people call John Stewart the “Black Green Lantern” but just call Hal Jordan the “Green Lantern.” It’s why Miles Morales is called “Black Spider-man” but Peter Parker is just “Spider-man.” If you want to throw gender into the mix, it’s why Jennifer Walters is the “She-Hulk” but Bruce Banner isn’t the “He-Hulk.”

People think “character” is white and “character + black” is black. There is no default race. Community did a whole episode about how a truly raceless character would look something like this monstrosity:

But there’s the tricky part: Once you stop thinking of white characters as “character” and start thinking of them as “character + white,” it becomes really overwhelming how many characters are white. 

I mean, I know there’s a kerfuffle over Disney Princesses right now, so let’s look at the list of official Disney Princesses, shall we? That is, let’s look at the list and include everyone’s race, not just the princesses of color:

Snow White + White

Cinderella + White

Aurora + White

Ariel + White

Belle + White

Jasmine + Arab

Pocahontas + Native American

Mulan + Asian

Tiana + Black

Rapunzel + White

Merida + White Soon to be added:

Anna + White

Elsa + White

4 of those 13 women are women of color. All four of those women of color are different races than one another. At the moment, the number of white princesses is seven, but it’s about to go up to nine. All nine of those princesses are the same race as one another, despite a few of them being different nationalities, although most of them hail from Western Europe.

And a lot of people are saying “but they’re just accurately portraying the parts of the world those stories are set in!” First of all, the presence of a person of color has never been implausible in any part of the world, in any period of human history. Hell, a bunch of these movies were set after Shakespeare had born, lived, and died, but he still managed to write a play set centuries earlier featuring a black male lead in Italy. 

Second, and most importantly, it’s not like they are being assigned a setting at random and have to accommodate it in their character designs. The people at Disney choose to set film after film after film in France and Germany and Denmark.

It’s not that those areas produce more or better fairy tales and folk tales than any of the other continents, it’s that the stories that come from those areas are the ones Disney considers universal.

In the eyes of Disney, there’s a Princess for Black little girls to look up to, a Princess for Native little girls to look up to, a Princess for Arab little girls to look up to, a Princess for Asian little girls to look up to, and nine princesses for all little girls to look up to. It’s no coincidence that in almost all promotional art featuring the “Princess Lineup,” Jasmine, Tiana, Mulan, and Pocahontas are all standing in the back, usually obscured by other white Princesses’ dresses, while the blonde lady brigade stands in the front.