Why hello there, fellow express owl,

One thing I appreciate about my cat son is that if he, who knows how it feels to be trapped in a room, so much as begins to suspect that I, his father, am trapped in a room, then he will immediately do everything in his meager power to rescue me

im nonbinary in a way that doesnt really matter

there's a new social cue coming out. no we're not telling you about it

hey, I was just at "things got better" island and everyone there is talking about how excited they are to meet you

Hey yeah so this post literally kept me alive for like 6 months. Thank you. And OP is so right. Everyone on this island became my best friends. And guess what? Now they can't wait to meet *you* and they talk about you every single day.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

what’s the pink they put in pink lemonade that makes it so poppin

that’s pussy babe!

Is there not a single stock photo of someone drinking pink lemonade that would have been easier than putting a pink cloud over a water bottle

you think i do this shit cause it easy

Took Ollie to the vet today. And I'm not gonna say who. But ONE of us had a panic attack immediately after the checkup and wouldn't get out of the sink

a masterlock? bro you are practically free-use