RemTheFirst

im dodging tornado attacks like its nothing

Have you tried going to a tornado shelter?

the tornadoes should be taking shelter from me

hey sorry. can you stand a little further back and we try again

The kind of smart where I know better than put all my eggs in one basket, but instead putting them all in my pockets and then proceed to faceplant immediately.

the paris catacombs are 1000x more fucked up than i imagined

did you know the cops once found a fully functioning movie theater with a well-stocked bar inside the catacombs and they when they tried to go back later to formally investigate it was completely emptied out save for a note that read "don't search for us"

Underground french cinema

A little update! My little bro is now my little sister. Please don't misgender her :)

Going outside with wet hair from showering is humiliating because everyone sees you and thinks stuff like "eww gross here comes the wet girl". But going outside with wet hair when it's raining? Unambiguous boon because now everyone is thinking stuff like "wow, she's so topical" and "her hair is a scathing critique of the times we live in"

"cigarette" implies the existence of a much larger "cigar"

i recovered by the time i hit post but when i first had this thought i had genuinely forgotten cigars exist

drake?

josh?

where’s the body of christ?

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

get ain'ted stupid