SUNANDMHOON

Meeting you was like an angel appeared at his door; like a gift from cupid to cure his lonely heart. A gift in the form of a new roommate. 

Seungkwan was staying in the flat with him before he moved out to his hometown, leaving behind his room and another part of the rent he had to pay. In his absence though, Seungkwan–ever the social butterfly– recommended the place to you, and although Jeonhan was wary at first, he definitely had to thank Seungkwan now. 

When he first met you he felt as though his house was graced by a higher being. The sun flooded into the room in golden rays, shining around you, creating a halo above your head. And though he was the known heartbreaker around town, he felt his palms go sweaty and his ears turn hot. And when you spoke, he felt he got worse. Your voice sounded just like it was dipped in honey; smooth and sweet. He could listen to it forever. Your expressions were kind and gentle, you were the type of person that could lure anyone into your charm like a siren in the sea. 

He was attracted to you, so so attracted to you, but he brushed it off. It was probably just that, Attraction, nothing more. 

As the days went by you two grew closer. First it was catching each other in the kitchen at 3am for a midnight snack. From then on you started talking to each other more. You find out that he’s been living in the flat for five years, he finds out that you just moved to the city. He’s taken you around the area to get you familiar with your surroundings, you’ve cooked him dinner in exchange (and because he only eats ramen in the house). He’s introduced you to his friends, you’ve introduced him to your family.

You even go to him when you need to rant. School’s being annoying? Go to Jeonghan, Your parents are being annoying? Go to Jeonghan, the neighbour that for some reason finds the need to be up at 4am every single morning watching their soap opera at full volume with their door open is being annoying? Go to Jeonghan. Just like the new flat’s been your physical home, Jeonghan has been your emotional home. 

You tell him everything, and even though he loves it, he loves that he could be a person you can come to–can talk to and rant to about your hardships, feelings, accomplishments, he somehow hates it when you come to him for advice on love. 

“How do I get a boyfriend, Han?”, “Why don’t guys like me?” to “Han, I’ve been talking to this guy”, “what do you think of him?” to the dreaded, “He asked me out on a date!”, “How do I look?” he’s been there through it all. And he won't admit it–he can’t admit that he likes you, he can’t admit that he hates when you tell him not to wait up for you because you’ll be at Woozi’s for the night. He can’t admit that it bothers him that you come home, greet him and go to your room. He can’t admit that he’s lonely again, and that he misses when you would talk to him late at night about your dreams, inspirations, aspirations, goals or even just your shopping list. 

And most of all, he hates that you have him listening to love songs. He never used to listen to love songs on purpose, let alone with someone in mind. Love songs have plagued his playlists, and he dreads the day that spotify wraps up his year into one big lovefest. You were sea, sunshine, star and moon; you were his cocoa butter kisses; you were what comes up in his mind when he listens to Daniel Caesar, Frank Ocean and even Drake. You were his in his mind, his playlist, his heart but not his in real life. 

He started doing his work in the living room just to see your face, to see you in the kitchen, on the couch or even leaving for school or work or to your boyfriend’s house, because the longer you were with Woozi, the shorter you were in the house. 

That was until one day when he came home from work. The world seemed to mirror the same sad mood he’s been in for the past month; heavy rain, grey skies, cold air. It was the kind of weather that made him feel even more lonelier than he already was. He was just about to pass the living room to go to his room when he noticed you asleep on the sofa. 

You looked so peaceful that he didn’t want to move, afraid that even the smallest step could wake you up from your slumber. He stood there for what felt like hours but were only a couple of seconds when he was suddenly snapped back to reality with a cold rush of air down his spine. The room was getting colder, he noticed, and he saw you rustling around the couch–no doubt affected by the coolness too.

He saw that your shoulder was exposed to the cool air and quickly but quietly rushed to get a blanket. He placed the blanket over your body, gently tucking the ends to your sides, effectively blocking any coldness from reaching your skin. He froze as you moved, thinking you had woken up, but sighed as he saw you snuggling into the warm comfort of the blanket, continuing your peaceful nap. 

He cleaned the area around you, the tissues, empty soda cans, empty chips. You must’ve eaten yourself into a food coma, he thought, smiling at the thought of your well fed self falling into a deep sleep. However his smile dropped as your phone lights up. Rows and rows of notifications piled up on your lockscreen, all from your boyfriend begging you to ‘take him back’, ‘forgive him’, ‘trust him to do better’.  And then it made sense to him. The food, the tissues, your exhaustion.

Once he finished cleaning up, he just couldn’t find himself to leave you in the living room all alone. You must have been sad, angry, upset, tired and vulnerable right now, and he would hate himself if he knew he was leaving you in such a state. 

He also couldn’t get over the last notification he saw from your phone–he knows that it wasn’t the best thing to go scroll your notifications, but it was there and he couldn’t help it (pls forgive him)-- ‘I can be better than him’. 

Him? 

Is there someone new?

He sat on the ottoman, beside where your head was laying on the pillow and watched as you breathed. Your chest would rise and fall in steady patterns, showing that you’ve fallen into a deep sleep. Your eyelashes were feathered along your eye, and he couldn’t help but be charmed by it. Him, charmed by the simple sight of eyelashes? He couldn’t believe how much he changed, how much you changed him. Your lips were slightly parted, a pale pink and full. He wondered how it would feel against his own, would they be soft? By the looks of it, he thinks it would. 

You looked so peaceful and angelic and he couldn’t help but think about how much you’re going through right now. He thought about your mind, how crazy it must be, how tiring it must be. Who’s on your mind right now? Who has your time? Who have you been seeing? Why couldn’t you just be his? 

He knows that you had a boyfriend but still, despite that, why did you stop talking to him as much? You used to be texting him all the time, checking on him all the time, staying up with him all the time. But recently, your interactions were shorter than two sentences. Was it your boyfriend? Was it you? Was it him?

“If you let me,” he whispered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear gently, “we could paint a perfect picture, we could even last forever.” he sighed as he feels how strong he loves you–it scares him, he’s never felt this way with anyone before. “I’ll even let you wear my sweaters, I know how you get cold so easily,” he said as his eyes traced your face, from your hairline down to your eyebrows to your eyes, to your nose to your lips. He smiled at how perfect you were. “I’m so horribly down for you, Y/N,” he said, “for the worse or the better,” he added. 

“To be honest, I hate it,” he said, surprising himself with the sudden confession, “I hate how much I feel for you because It’s so strong that it’s hurting me. But I don’t care, I will keep sticking to you, Y/n,” he breathed in, “Because I love you.”

And although you were sound asleep, he still felt as if the weight of the world has left his shoulders. The burden of keeping it trapped within his heart has finally disappeared, and even though he knew that this confession was done in vain as he knew that pouring his heart out doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate it, he still felt happy that it’s out there. 

Maybe you were asleep, but your heart was listening. 

He noticed how the sun had disappeared and the clock was moving into the double digits. He knew that your back was going to be painful if you slept there overnight, so he took you in his arms, the blanket wrapped tightly around you still; like a burrito, and carried you over to your room. There he tucked you in properly, propping your head gently a top your soft pillows, laying the comforter over your, keeping the sides snug. Before he turned off the side lamp, his self control had left his body with his confession as he bent down placing a gentle peck on your forehead. When he felt that everything was done, windows checked, you tucked in, lamp turned off, he headed out the door. 

“Jeonghan,” you called softly, your voice still groggy from your nap. He froze by the doorframe, turning to you. 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you too,” you told him, a soft smile growing on your face before you turned over and fell back to sleep. 

No amount of self control could stop the smile that was blooming on his face, his mind was fuzzy, his heart was racing. He watched you for a little bit more, the same love-struck smile on his face to see if you were still sleeping.

“Sweet dreams, love,” he whispered before leaving.

He needs to give Seungkwan a gift basket. 

-fin. 

You know that dating someone in the entertainment industry, especially in one like his, was a risk and it will come with many fake rumours, fake articles, and fabricated stories; you were used to that. It’s happened before, with his managers, colleagues, and friends but you’ve never actually believed it. 

However, 

This article, instead of scrolling past it like any of the other ones, it became the straw on the camel's back.

“Babe, I’m playing right now,” he said, “can we talk about it later.” he continued on with the game as if he didn’t see your fuming presence by the door, or maybe he did but was just ignoring it. That pissed you off. His tone, his ignorance, his cold way of talking to you. 

“No, Wonwoo,” you told him, “we need to talk. What the hell is this?” you stood there in place, fighting the urge to shut off his computer, shove the phone in his face and leave. Nothing. He acted as if he didn’t even hear you. At this time, you were shaking with anger. The irritation was bubbling up inside you waiting for it to erupt. “Wonwoo!”

“It’s just another stupid article, you should be used to it by now,” he rolled his eyes, “there’s nothing to talk about. I’m busy right now.” all this was said without a pause in the movement of his fingers, or even a glance at you. 

“Fine,” you said, “Fuck me then, right? Have fun with your stupid game.” you put your phone in your pocket, moving around the room, collecting your things. “And when you win, celebrate with that side chick of yours because I’m fucking leaving.” 

At that, he froze in his seat. He quickly took off his headphones, turning to you as you were grabbing any of your things that you could find. Hot tears were racing down your face as you gathered your things, and he stood up, going closer to you. 

“Wait, Y/N,” he said, reaching for your arm, you shrugged him off and headed to your bedroom. He stood in the office, frozen. He rubbed his eyes as he thought about the mess that had just happened, then he heard you open a zipper.

He rushes quickly into your bedroom to see you throwing your clothes into an open suitcase. His brain starts to scatter, his heart starts to crack at the sight. He knows that this is his fault and hates it. He went over to you, trying to hold your hands but you just kept shrugging him off. 

“Y/N,” he begged, “please don’t do this. Let's talk c’mon.” he didn’t notice that his face mirrored yours, his cheeks were valleys of tears. You just shook your head and continued packing. “Baby, please.”

“No, Wonwoo,” you told him, “don’t ‘Baby’ me. Leave me alone.” you continued, zipping up your suitcase and wiping your tears. “That's what you’ve been doing lately, so you must be used to it.” you put your suitcase aside and headed to bed. He watches you as you pass him, laying on your side of the bed but turned over so that your back is towards him.

He huffs and gets into bed as well. Sleeping in the same position you were. Backs turned toward each other, the small space in the middle untouched and though you were barely apart, the space felt like an ocean; a hundred miles separating the both of you.

He tried to sleep, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t help the empty feeling in his stomach, the heaviness of his heart and the racing of his brain. He was twisting and turning, closing and opening his eyes. 

He looked over at the time, 2:30 AM, and looked over to where you were. He noticed that you weren’t sleeping as well with the way your back rose in irregular patterns. Softly he called out for your name, turning over to get closer to you. He moved his hand to your shoulder, gently shaking it. 

“Baby, I don’t want us to sleep with a heavy heart,” he whispered, “I’m sorry. Can you talk to me?” He hoped that you could find it in your heart to turn over, talk to him and forgive him. You didn’t move, pretending as if you were asleep, but you still felt his presence behind you. His hand, previously placed on your shoulder was now moved down your arm, rubbing patterns all over it; circles, hearts, and your name. 

“I know you’re ignoring me, it’s alright,” he started, his voice just above a whisper, “I’m sorry for the way I acted just now, I know you just wanted to talk. I know that you were angry and to be honest, I don’t even know why I didn’t talk to you nicely. Trust me, I feel fucking stupid and I regret it so much.” He takes a deep breath before continuing, his inhales are shaky and you can sense that he was going to cry, “please, baby, just talk to me so we can clear this up. Please don’t leave me. 

You turned over to him, you saw his eyes closed and head dipped down–he never wanted to let you see him cry. You don’t want to fight him anymore, not when he looked like this, not when he just told you what he did. You reached up to cup his face with your palms, wiping his tears away with your thumb. His eyes, glistening with tears, followed yours. 

“I’m sorry too, Won,” you told him, “I just…” your sentence stopped as you remembered why you were angry at him. But you can’t find it in yourself to lash at him again, your mind has cleared since your argument. 

“What is it, baby,” he said gently, “it’s okay, I won't be mad.” he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just, recently you’ve been ignoring me, being cold, or dry,” you started, not being able to look him in the eye, “You never even looked at me anymore. I don’t need an explanation, Wonwoo, I just want to know If you’re tired of me. Have you finally had enough?” you didn’t realise that you started tearing up again until he wiped your tears, “all I could think of was ‘what did i do?’ I thought I was a good girlfriend,” you were sobbing at this point. “I want to fix it, Won, I don’t want to leave, but if you don’t want me–if you don't,” you sniffled, “If you don’t love me–”

“Hey, no,” he quickly interrupted you, “Y/N, in no world will I ever not love.” he said sincerely, “I didn’t know that you felt that way, seriously.” he sat up and took your hand in his, playing with your fingers. The way his fingers traced yours, not only helped you calm down but him too. “I feel so fucking terrible. I don’t blame you, I should’ve talked to you about it.” 

“I’m not making excuses right now, but I should’ve told you.” he sighed, “It’s been a really tough time at work, my schedule gives me no time to breathe, or do anything. I’ve been so tense recently and I've been so selfish that I didn't even stop to think about you,” he said, “about your feelings.” 

“Wonwoo,” you cupped his cheeks, “I’m sorry too. I didn’t know you were feeling like that too, If only you had told me.”

“No, It isn’t your fault, babe,” he said, he looked at you and he chuckled to himself, “we should really communicate more.” you chuckled along with him. You looked into his eyes and noticed it shining with a different shine from the past week, it had love, care, and tenderness in it. It was the same shine that he had when he first met you, the night he first said ‘I love you to you’, the night you first kissed. 

All those memories came back to you as you looked at him, his kind eyes, his soft smile, his fluffy hair, his warm hands. You reached over to him and kissed him. His lips were soft like they always were, and although kissing was something you normally did, this one felt different. 

Love does feel different when it’s almost lost.

“I missed this,” he whispered against your lips, “I can’t believe I lived a week without your kiss.” you laughed as you rested your head on his chest. “And also,” he started, “that lady you saw in that article with me.”  your head perked up at this, “It’s just my manager, seriously, she’s married and I don’t even think she likes that much.” you laughed, “please don’t over think, Y/N, we were just there to get drinks and we went back to the office.” he rolled over so that you were caged in his arms. “No one could ever replace you, I could never ever love anyone like I love you. Remember that, hmm?” 

You nodded, smiling wide. Your heart felt lighter, your mind felt clearer, you were happier.

“If you did forget,” he smirked, removing his glasses, “I’ll help you remember.” 

Extra: In the end, you didn’t end up leaving him, in fact it was tough for you to leave the bed at all. 

“Sometimes,” he responded, “why are you suddenly asking?” to tell him the truth would be useless at this point because you knew you could do nothing with the situation you are in. so you just looked away, the heat from his eyes was reaching your face, a contrast to the chill of the air. 

“No reason, it just came up in my head.” 

You were lying to him. You knew it, he knew it too. You often wondered what those nights meant to him. Those nights where all you would do is talk until the sun came up. Those nights where his touch was more of a home to you than your own house. The nights where he would keep you company when you’re down; bring you food when you’re feeling hungry; take care of you when you’re sick. 

Were those nights not as meaningful to him as they were to you?

A frustrated sigh interrupts the silence of the night. You were tired of this. Tired of hiding in the night. Tired of being second in his heart. Tired of it all. Maybe you were just used to his company, he was your best friend after all. Almost seven years together, and still you have this connection. Maybe it’s all just in your head. Maybe he never did think of you as anything else. 

Those lingering touches, tattooed gazes, soft-spoken words are just in your mind. To him, its nothing but friendship. If the question you have in your mind right now is a future, you and him aren’t the answer.

“What’s wrong?” he gently nudged your shoulder. His thumb caressing your collarbone where your sweater had dropped, drawing shapes on your skin; circles, squares, diamonds, hearts. 

“Do you remember that night in Miami?” you ask him but it’s clear that it wasn’t a question, more a statement. “The first time you put your arms around me.” his shapes halted, suddenly your shoulder feels cold. “What was that to you?” your courage finally came back as you shrugged his hand off your shoulder and turned to him.

“That night,” he started. He swallows, trying to compose his thoughts. He had a feeling he knew where the conversation would be going and he wanted to find a way to talk to you without scaring you, hurting you and hurting himself. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I know what answer you’re looking for.” his hair was softly blowing in the breeze, following the direction of the leaves. The moon was behind him, leaving a soft glow around his head like a halo. He looked angelic. And though you were scared of what he would say, you still took your time to bask in him. His presence. “It meant something to me. So much, it hurts me to say.” 

“Mingyu…” 

“I shouldn’t be saying this but I’ve thought about that night so many times. Other nights too,” he confessed, his face though looked more relieved than guilty as he saw yours. A shameful pride ran across your face for a second. You were happy that Mingyu shared the same feelings you did, but at the same time you felt shame, you felt like an awful person. “I would’ve gone all the way for you, we could’ve been together if I wasn’t…”

“If you weren’t with her?” 

“Yeah.” You sighed. He came closer, putting his arm around you, laying his head on top of yours. You had that feeling in your stomach, that bubbling feeling in your stomach where you know that something bad is coming up. “But you know, we can still be together,” he cupped your cheek. “It would be our secret; just between you, me and the moon.”

The look in his eyes is dangerous. It’s the look. The look of love, of longingness, of hope that pulls you in. it made you want to lean in closer and finally feel his lips on yours, it made you want to shout to the rooftops “HE’S MINE!”. It made you feel loved. 

But.

“If we have to hide it,” you started, “what’s the point trying?” and as much as it hurted you, you peeled yourself away from him. Away from his scent, the scent of his woody cologne, away from the comfort of his strong arms, away from his face. “Did it really mean something if you’re not willing to fight for it?” you asked him, tears slowly forming in your eyes.

“Hey,” he tried to reach over to you to wipe your tears, but you dodged him, “it did mean something to me.”

“Would you leave her for me?” 

The silence was enough of an answer for you. And although you expected an outcome like this, it still hurted you. It felt as if the structure your heart had been held by had finally broken, you could almost feel your heart fall and shatter into a million pieces in the pit of your stomach. The space in your mind filled with memories of him that was your haven had become crowded and claustrophobic. 

You stood up from where you were sitting with him and dusted off your legs. You took a deep breath before turning to him, where he was already standing, watching you. You could do nothing, you could say nothing. And for the last time, you hugged him. 

His touch was hot on your skin, but not in the way he made you feel warm like he had before. But in a way that it burns, as if you’re touching something you’re not meant to be touching. He’s not yours, you had to tell yourself, he will never be. 

You bask in the bittersweetness of the hug, allowing your tears to fall on his cashmere sweater as he held you in his arms. You felt his hand caress your hair, planting a small kiss on the top of your head. You stayed there connected for what felt like forever. 

When you finally break off, you both don't say much. The hug already did more than words could say. You exchanged a small smile, a smile that says thank you, a smile that says nothing will change between us but at the same time everything has changed. A smile that says I love you, and it sucks we can’t be together. A smile that says goodbye.

And as you walk back to your car all you could think of was,

‘Damn, what we could’ve been.’

In all your seventeen years on this earth, you never had a boyfriend. You never had the time to confess your love to the one you wanted, the one you trusted, your soulmate; Riki. Every moment spent felt like a race against time, cautiously hiding from any predators, always sleeping with one eye open.

Maybe the end of the world was more of a blessing than a curse. At least you won't be dealing with life like that right? It just all seemed unfair.

04:00 [1 minute down]

“What are you thinking about?” a voice interrupts your inner monologue. His eyes looked worried. It makes sense though, you thought, the world is ending.

“What is there to think about,” you laughed dryly. It was true, nothing can change in only five minutes. “We’re all gonna die. I think I’m just accepting it.” your eyes not moving from the countdown.

“That’s kind of depressing,” he chuckled lightly. That always amazed you about him, the way he made any situation brighter by simply being there. “I guess it’s true,” he adds, “But do you ever think that maybe, even if it's such a small chance, that maybe something or someone will save us?”

The hopeful tone in his voice almost made you believe him. But you’re past that. Believing.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” you shook your head, “that would be a miracle, and I don’t believe in those anymore.”

“Why not?” Oh Riki and your curious mind.

“Because,” you start, “Look at the situation we’re in right now. Even if the miracle happened, it won’t change the world.” you sighed. “Say, we got more time on this earth, we would still suffer either way.”

“I guess you’re right,” he nods. A part of your heart breaks at the sound of his voice losing its brightness, “I just wish I could have more time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do.”

03:45

“What are your regrets?” you asked, focusing your attention on him this time. You only had 3 minutes left on this earth so why not spend those last times admiring what could have been?

His jet black hair, overgrown and framing his face. Stray bangs are always moving untamed despite how many times he combs his hair back. The moles on his face, decorating it as if little chocolate chips on a cookie. His eyes, sharp and intimidating yet somehow always full of love and care. His lips….

“Well, that’s a loaded question,” this time he’s the one looking at the countdown. “Well, I wish I spent more time with my parents, maybe my siblings too. I wish I wasn’t such a bitch, you know,” he laughs. He looked at you, eyes focusing on yours. In his pupils, the image of regret, heartbreak and desperation.

“What else?”

“I also regret not being brave enough.” his eyes never left yours. Scanning and taking in your face as if he was carving it in his mind. “I regret being a coward. Not speaking up when I wanted to.”

“You’re not a coward, Riki,” you smiled softly, “you’re one of the bravest souls I’ve ever met. Look, we’re alive right now because of you.” you reached out for his hand. His soft, comforting hand. The hand that had held you on cold nights, fed you when you were sick, lifted you up when you fell, wiped your tears, tended to your injuries. His hand.

“No Y/N, I was a coward.” his eyebrows creased, guilt seeping through his veins, “you always stood up for me at school everytime someone said anything bad about me. Yet I never had the balls to stand up to those who talk shit about you.” his eyes looked so guilty and angry that you feared he was nearing tears, “I was so selfish that I put my popularity over you–my Best friend. And where’s that popularity now? In the fucking trash.”

“Hey,” you took your free hand and cradled his face, “We’re just kids, what did we know, hm?” you graced a small smile on your face in hopes that it would calm him down. “Sure, there’s so many things we could’ve done but, it’s all in the past now. What we can at least do is to think about all the good times.”

Your words left a silence in the air, a silence filled with silent wishes, longing looks, sad smiles. He had put his hand over where yours were on his face. He squeezed it three times, looking at your eyes, then your lips, then your eyes again.

You felt flustered under his strong gaze.

01:00

“You know what else I regret?” he finally spoke up. His eyes darting quickly to the countdown. 1 minute, It was now or never, he thought.

“Hm?”

“I was such a coward, I know I already said that,” he starts, “But It’s something I regret so deeply because it stopped me from telling the truth. Telling the people I love my true feelings. My mum, My dad, My sisters…” he took a deep breath. “You.”

Time stopped for you. The countdown was slowly ticking but for you it wasn't moving at all, the only thing in your mind right now was Riki, You and his words.

“Huh?”

“Yeah,” he squeezed your hand softly again, bringing it down from his face to his lap. Playing with your fingers, afraid of your eyes. “I feel so bad for telling you now, I’m sorry if its bothering you, but I can’t handle keeping it to myself anymore.”

“Riki…”

“It’s okay if you reject me,” he laughed dryly, “It’s not like anything will happen anyway. I just wanted to let you know.” his fingers worked softly against your hand as if it was a piece of glass. “I’ve loved you for the longest time. Everything you did, I always admired from the way you smile and even on your worst days. I don’t know how to sound poetic or deep around you because you make my mind go crazy, Y/N. It’s frustrating the way you make me feel, you know,” he smiled.

“Riki..” you took your hand from his fingers. This made him freeze. Had he crossed a line? Did you not like him back? His heart was already shattering in his chest when your fingers feathered his chin and lifted it up.

“I like you too,” you smiled, “for the longest time too.”

“We have such bad timing don’t we?” he smiled, the biggest grin you have ever seen. In the dark skies of the ending world, his eyes were the brightest thing to ever grace the planet. “We could have been a couple for all our life!” he whined playfully, hiding his face against your neck. “We could’ve,” you laughed back, “but let’s not waste our last time here, hm?” you took his head in your hands, bringing down his mask as he did yours.

“You’re so cute,” he pinched your cheek. You giggled as if the world was not ending. Because in your eyes, your world just started. It didn't matter that you were dying in a matter of seconds because at least you get to end it happily, in the arms of the one you love.

“Can i?” he looked at your lips, love flooding his eyes.

“Of course.”

10 9 8 7 6 5

In the other world, there would be fireworks as you kissed him. The clock would strike 12 and a new world would begin. In this world though, you don’t see anything but a bright light. Eyes closed, drunk in the feeling of his lips on yours. Lost in the feeling of his arms around you. The world may have just ended with you both with it.

You don't care though, you’re already in heaven in his arms.

3 2 1

You would have to be one of the most annoying, obnoxious people in the world to get through Heeseung’s strong patience. Yet here you are, making him lose his head with how oblivious you are. 

“Is this how it’s going to be forever, Hee?” 

He turned to you, surprised by the melancholy tone in your voice. He watched as you traced the stars with your eyes, following each twinkle on the black sky. Eyes lined with the thinnest layer of tears, but he still notices. He doesn’t say anything, quietly urging you to go on with your statement, and you do.

“Will I be lonely and heartbroken forever?” you continued, “I really tried to keep him this time, Hee, I really did. I held onto him so tightly, but why did HE let go?” the bitterness in your mind had turned what was meant to be a sob into a dry laugh. He didn’t know which one he preferred over the other, but it was not a sound he liked hearing from you. 

“He was a dick,” he finally spoke up, “just like the other guys you were seeing,” his mind getting irritated with the thoughts of all your ex boyfriends and how they couldn’t treat you right. “But just because you don’t have the best taste in finding guys, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.” you turned your attention from the stars in the sky to the stars in his eyes. The black of his pupils mirroring the black of the night sky; the twinkle within them rivaling those in space. 

“Then where?” you sighed, “where am I supposed to find the person who can give me the love I deserve? It’s not like he’ll fall out of the sky,” at that he looked away from you and laughed, but there was something off about it. A slight frown in his smile. “What?”

“Huh?” he asked, but it was almost a statement, not a question, “nothing.” It was his turn to look at the stars, counting each one to distract himself from the slight pang in his chest. “It’s just– you seem to be living your life with your eyes closed.” as if to prove his point, his doe eyes closed. He seemed as though he was relaxed, however you were not.

“What do you mean, Heeseung?” slightly offended, you raised yourself from the blanket on the ground to glare at your best friend. 

“You’re obviously very blind to what’s happening in front of you–what’s been happening in front of you, for the past three years.” 

“I still don’t get what you mean,” you were starting to get exasperated, “get to the point.”

“What I’m saying is,” he sat up, looking into your eyes, “you can’t seem to see that the person who deserves you has been around you the whole time.”

You scoff, “and who could that be?” the genuine question in your voice and confusion in your eyes threatened his long patience. How could someone so smart and empathetic, not observe or feel what he was feeling right now. His pondering seemed to linger for a while because you suddenly snapped up, “who could possibly give me the love I need, Hee?”

“Me.”

One word, one syllable, two letters; One word to make an entire park silent, One syllable to make five seconds feel like five hours, Two letters to make Heeseung want to bury himself to the ground. But he’d already said it. There was no going back, it wasn’t like he was lying but the silence from your part was awkward, intimidating, scary. 

“I’m the one who can love you,” He spoke softly, almost as if you’d run away if he spoke any louder, “I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met, and It might sound crazy to say that because how can you be in love with a stranger, you know?” he rambled, your shock making him panic. “I only thought it was a crush that would go away with time, but as I watched you go out with absolute douchebags–who I already warned you about by the way– I couldn’t help but be sad and upset. And everyone seemed to notice except you.” he took a deep breath, waiting for your response, but it was still silent on your end. “C’mon, can’t you say something?”

You don’t know if it was the moment, or it was the words he was saying, or was it the way front strands of his hair seemed to be untameable yet perfectly styled in front of the eyes that drowned in concern and a hint of something else, but it made you see him under a different light. A light that you can’t see with your other close friends, a light that you can’t see even with your exes. It was different, a brighter, comforter light. It scared you, but like a moth, you were attracted to it.

“Look Hee,” you started, “I never knew you felt that way, and to be honest, deep inside I think I’ve been feeling the same way too.” you watched as his eyes grew bright from his hope, “and sure, it might risk our friendship, but I want to try,” you moved closer to him taking his hand in yours, “with you.”

His body felt like it was on fire, his hand was melting as you took it in yours. He doesn’t feel like he’s alive but at the same time he feels the most alive he’s ever been. “You’re a dream, Y/n. you don’t know how much you mean to me, and how happy I am to hear you say that.” his cheeks felt like they were about to rip from his face with how happy he was, but he didnt care. You loved when he smiled, he knew because everytime he did, your eyes would shine a little bit more than they usually did. And now that you were smiling at him with your shiny eyes, he didn’t care about a cramped face 

He could continue staring at your face forever and ever, especially now that he had given you the confirmation to do so. But your lips were right there and the adrenaline had come too quickly to his bones to stop him from grabbing your face in his hands. It was only when a small giggle from your lips had frozen him. Sobering him from the love-daze he had been in. 

His face was hairs away from yours. You could feel his nose on yours and his warm breath on your lips. Your eyes were closed, ready for the impact that was his lips but it never came. When you had opened your eyes, you’d come face to face with his doe ones just watching you, staring at you, taking you in. the fondness in his eyes had turned you red, never feeling a love like this before.

The setting sun, drifting breeze, the crashing waves were peaceful at 7pm. The wind blowing through your hair, swimming through your light cover-up. You watched as the eager breeze pushed each grain of sand west-ward, slowly covering the small lines you had drawn on the sand. You felt satisfied. The feeling of this peaceful summer haven was relaxing to you, and nothing could change that.

That was until he showed up.

The sound of footsteps padding on the fine sand had broken your daze from the hypnotizing waves. “Mind if I join you?” he asked, a small grin marked on his face. Golden light had showered him as he stood by you. His hair highlighted, his skin glowing and his eyes still on yours. It was almost as if the sun had risen again. And before you knew it, you were staring. 

“Sure, sure–no problem,” you quickly broke out of your gawking, making some room for him on your blanket. “What brings you here?” you asked him. One of many questions you would be asking him for the whole summer. With a smile that rivaled the sun, a look that made your heart leap and a statement that had you blushing, he answered. 

It went on like that for the next four and a half weeks;Every single moment was spent with him. Each day was similar to the rest. Morning walks as the sun rises; riding your bicycles around the town; grabbing ice cream when the sun is too hot; quiet moments as you watch the sun set; deep talks until midnight as you watch the waves crash into each other. Not one question was ever left unanswered nor rejected–no matter how crazy your queries were. 

However, there seemed to be one question that had left him with no answers.

“What’s gonna happen after summer?” you asked him during one of the nights under the stars, he stops throwing the pebbles into the sea and turns to you. The moonlight behind him makes a halo around his black hair, each wisping strand being blown by the wind. His eyes were twinkling as the stars were in the night sky, and all you wished was to keep seeing them forever. 

“What do you mean?” he asked back, slowly wading towards you. The seawater at his shins swished around as he moved. “About us?” you nodded, “well, my seashell,” he started as his hands moved a strand of your hair behind your ear and moved to hold both of your shoulders, “why do we need to worry about that, hm? We still have so many days before the end of summer. We’ll figure it out as we go, yeah?” 

Was it because of the moonlight? Was it your own mind playing games? Was it the moment you were both in? Whatever it was, it made you believe him. It had given you hope–hope that whatever it was that was happening for the whole month had substance–had meaning. But that was just what it was.

Hope.

And you were starting to lose it. Lose hope for him, for you, for the both of you. 

────── ❀•°❀°•❀ ──────

It barely rained during summer, but when it did, it poured. The sky seemed to mirror his mood, dark and brooding. You were both in the same room but, apart from the sound of the rain outside his window, it was silent. He didn’t even look at you, all you could do was watch his back as he stared out the window, eyes flickering from the window, onto the bracelet on his hand, then back to the window. You weren’t born yesterday, you knew who that bracelet belonged to.

“Hoon, are you okay?” you asked him, though you knew the answer. You just needed to hear his voice. That seemed to break him from his trance as he tore his attention from the swaying trees to you. 

“Huh?” he answered, he looked distracted even as he focused on you, “nothing, i just don't like the rain.” Although it looked sincere, he certainly did not look like the type of person to love the rain or the sounds it makes judging by the way he flinches when the lightning strikes or when the rain hits the roof a bit too loudly, you knew it wasn’t why his mood was sour.

“You keep looking at your bracelet, is something on your mind?” you knew what the answer was, you knew how he was going to answer–or deflect your question, but at this point you were tired. Tired of waiting around to be with him when you knew he wanted someone else. 

You both had been to the pier before the rain had poured, spotting a girl by one of the docks.The girl at the pier you were walking at that morning had talked to him, taken him a few steps away from you for privacy. You saw nothing but the back of his head, her betrayed eyes, and the bracelet on the ground. Now the bracelets’ on him

“Nothing, Y/n, it’s nothing,” he sighed, “don’t worry about it–”

“You knew her, didn’t you?” you couldn’t hide the defeat in your voice, although you told yourself not to be too sensitive about this, how could you help it? You had spent the entire summer on this one boy only for him to turn his back on you when he saw another girl.

“We,” he started, “we go a while back,” he admitted, focusing his attention on the bracelet again. 

“Summer ends in two days,” you started, “did you ever figure out what’s going to happen after then? I have.” you watched his hands continue to fidget with the bracelet. Fingers tracing over the blue, white and black thread, braided around each other. 

“Can we not talk about this right now,” was all he answered, slowly getting frustrated, “there’s a lot on my mind at the moment.”

“Then talk to me about it, Hoon!” you were starting to get frustrated as well with his sudden change in demeanor. “You keep keeping all of these frustrations in your mind as if I’m not here. Just talk to me and we can settle whatever problem you have, together.” you got up from the far side of the bed to where he was, trying to get him to look at you. 

“It’s not something you can fix Y/n,” he told you, still refusing to look at your face. Though the air around him had changed, from cold to guilty. You softly put you hand on his jaw, moving it to face you. Always acting gently as if he were going to explode–and frankly, by the way he’s acting, you had a reason to. 

When his eyes met yours, brimmed with tears that were starting to spill out. The look of longing, regret and guilt mixed up in his irises had given you the answer to the  fate of your life together after summer. He knew you knew. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” his voice cracked as he watched your face contort from confusion, shock, sadness then acceptance. Your hand moved away from his face, and now it was your turn to look away. He grabbed onto your arm, pleading, “I really am sorry, seashell.”

“Am I that easy to replace?” you asked quietly, so quiet that it would’ve been drowned out by the noise outside had the rain not stopped. “After all of the time we spent together for the past four weeks, and you changed your mind after one day? Was I not there enough for you? Sunghoon, please what did I do for you to not even think this through or give it another chance? You have me questioning myself, Hoon.” you don’t know when you started to cry. All you knew was now your hands were no longer in his, they were covering your face as you sobbed into them. Embarrassment filled your body. 

But could you really be angry? Upset? Were you jealous? It couldn’t be, right? You and Sunghoon were nothing but a summer love story that would never be more. His heart belonged to someone else and you couldn’t change that no matter what. You were naive to think that what was written in sand wouldn’t be washed away by the waves. 

He stole your heart, your summer, your love and never gave it back. You couldn’t blame him though, as much as you wanted to keep trying, you knew his heart was set on someone else from the beginning; you just thought you could change his mind.

And just like he had taken your heart and left it behind in the sand, it was your turn to leave him behind in the rain. 

So much for summer love.