Diet Redneck

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

This only applies to the modern show breeds of sewing machines. Heritage breeds like the Singer 27, 15, 66, and 201 are docile and extremely hardy. They're easy keepers, requiring oil and the occasional light bulb to maintain working condition. Treadle and crank varieties thrive on an electricity-free diet. Injuries, while rare, are quickly resolved thanks to a thriving aftermarket parts trade. In cases of severe neglect, percussive maintenance via sledgehammer can restore motion.

the thing with romance for me is that you need to convince me through behavior and dialogue that the characters enjoy spending time with each other and seek each other out. even with enemies to lovers a foundation of mutual respect goes a long way. you can be like "he's the youngest ever general of the dragon slaying guild and I'm secretly a dragon, but he's the best swordsman I've ever fought and our sparring matches are the only thing that make me feel alive ever since my family was killed." if he implies something similar then bam, you have a reason for the two of them to hang out even though one of them knows it's dangerous. you can't be like "he's a dragon slayer and he's mean to me all the time but the flex of his arms when he swings his sword is just too sexy." it does not matter how many times you have your protagonist say "I shouldn't be drawn to him... but I am" if you never show a real moment of connection between them that draws them together

its actually easy to de-enshittify your digital experience all you need to do is install this browser extension and this browser extension and this browser extension and input this custom script into the advanced box and go into your system settings and reconfigure all these options you didnt know existed and change your entire workflow and switch to this alternative operating system and this alternative web browser and this alternative chat client and this alternative word processor and this alternative- sorry that one turned out to be malware delete that one okay now double check your task manager for unwanted background processes and element block these ads and invest in a good VPN and append all your searches with AI blocking keywords and wait a few years until everything you just did becomes shitty too so you can do it all over again okay kitten. its literally that easy.

while on one hand I endorse doing all these things, at no point do I claim it to be easy.

you forget what an insane, insane, insane step forward the ability to ctrl f keyword search digital texts or whole libraries for specific information is until you have to find something in analogue writing

One of the guys I worked with told us a story about how, when they were doing archaeology surveys in the woods they ran into a bigfoot hunter. Bigfoot guy asked if they had seen signs of bigfoot, and he was like "Sorry, nothing like that. We're archaeologists, so we're looking for human stuff." and the bigfoot guy was like "Oh! I saw some Native American cairns on my way out here. I can give you a general location." and when he was like "Yeah dude, that'd be sick. We're actually looking to document those." the bigfoot guy was like "Yeah, they looked pretty cool. I didn't touch them though, because Native Americans built them, not bigfoot."

I apologize in advance for the "haha I misread this and thought..." but in all seriousness for two readthroughs I legit thought this was a story about an archeology survey team in the woods who ran into bigfoot and had a nice chat with him about his day and didn't bother to take pictures or document anything because they're only interested in human stuff, not in cryptids, but bigfoot was also nice enough to direct them to some native american cairns, which he did not build.

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

IDENTITY EMERGES ORGANICALLY FROM ACTION

IF YOU DONT DO ANYTHING YOU ARENT ANYONE. SORRY

I bet gargoyles have like, maybe 2 pounds of edible meat on them max. And the meat isn't that good it's like a a gritty oyster.

okay but like: what if you stew it

IF YOU DISLOCATE JOINTS EASILY PLEASE DON'T DO THE TOP ONE GANG you will dislocate your hip or knee, and be careful with the alternative one as hip dislocation is still possible with that

If you're hypermobile/inclined to dislocation, what you want to do instead is get a massage gun and massage 1) the front of your hip where your jeans pockets are and 2) the top & side of your butt cheek for two minutes at a time when it hurts. You can also go all the way down the outside of your thigh if it doesn't hurt too bad. This will help release the muscles that are pinching or stretching that nerve without risking dislocation.

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

This is also, btw, how the US drastically reduced drunk driving in the US. Telling people they shouldn’t drive when intoxicated made absolutely zero difference. A slogan-and-ad-campaign for “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk!” changed drinking culture. Going after the bystanders is quite often the most effective thing to do in any social change.