The opposite of “the elephant in the room” is “the centipede in the room”: something that’s not actually an issue but everyone is freaking out about

As someone who has worked in facilities housing highly venomous centipedes, I can assure you that a “centipede in the room” is in fact a Very Big Issue.

post your stupid as hell animal pics

fantastic. bless his heart. let me see something even stupider

i fucking live for this

Some of you actually stood up and recited the pledge of allegiance in school and it shows

i stand but i don’t face the flag nor do i recite

(Quietly, but with a lot of feeling) holy s h I t

At our school we were not forced to say the pledge but we had to stand with our hand on our heart while it was being recited. Otherwise we were sent to ISS for being ‘disrespectful’.

bespoke: humans making up stupid limitations just to fuck with the supernatural beings

men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day

The best part is how smug they all look about it.

Proof that dress codes are inherently sexist.

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

The hardest drug I can picture John Mulvaney doing is a bottle of tums