Dificult days

¿Por qué nadie me dijo que iba a ser tan difícil? que me iba a sentir cada vez más sola, que te das cuenta de lo que la gente hace y dice, cosas que cuando eres un niño no logras notar con tanta atención.

Que a medida que cumples más años es peor porque sientes que vas contra el reloj y que todo debe cumplirse.

Que las personas que amas van desapareciendo, unas se olvidan y las otras simplemente los vienen a buscar (que rara metáfora, pero es que odio hablar de ese tema).

I have this problem.

It's something that I constantly repeat, Im just killing my life with it.

So I put my eyes on every non available men and then I feel miserable, perhaps Im doing it with intention, to no develop a relationship, because maybe it scare me.

I feel that I started to grow up and then all of a sudden it feels heavy and sad, chaothic and it looks like it's going to get worse everytime.

I just want to be a child again, I want to comeback when I was like seven and I was playing with barbies, making houses and talking to my cousin about eating all the vitamin c of the box.

I hate that people grow up and then they become this mess, I don't know, I don't feel that I change that much, but the rest of them, they just do some awful things, they deal with life in very questionable ways and the most terrible part it´s they think it´s ok.

Im not judging, but maybe I am, Im tired of being this good person who have to shut everything, it's so exhausting to tolerate.

I lose a boyfriend prospect too.

And he...

He lose me.

I've never thought that I was going to be in this terrible scenario, I hate it, I feel awful everyday.

I woke up and I have this mental breakdown and it doesn't stop, I don't even recognize myself, who am I right now?...

A veces pongo demasiada energía en personas inexistentes, en ideas sin sentido, a veces soy muy vulnerable, odio ser así, lo detesto.

I want you and me under the silence of the world, I want your look in my eyes, I want to feel I am this brilliant diamond for you.

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I want that at night you think of me really deep, for hours and hours and that you realize the thruth of your mind, that´s me.

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I write when I feel mad, when I feel the most intense emotions and I go to this downs and up's, this is like my little space where I can express everything, because life it's difficult and I had to find a way to put all my fellings and try to tranform them in something beautiful like a poem or just some thoughs.

As I'm older I found that life it's a treasure no matter their bad moments or the most heartbroken parts, that's life, that's the pretty and I'm not romanticizing, because I know how bad it is sometimes.

Lo diré así sin más, tengo miedo de nunca enamorarme de verdad.

Im serious, so serious.

It's just stupid, I mean you go out with a guy once and then you make stupids ideas about that one date and then the guy leaves to never come back and you feel bad about it, like there's something bad with you, I hate it.

The minutes, the time running so slow

I keep thinking, keep thinking, like some sort of

paranoia.

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The minutes after are a sixt sense or something, I can see

the answer and the happy expressions, and the smiles, the proud

A veces pienso muchísimo, pienso en todos los efectos, en todos los factores, en todas las posibilidades... Termina siendo agotador, no sé porque tiene que ser tan complejo, tan amenazante.

I just feel so bad for you, little girl with a precious heart, but you made your choice, I'm so sorry girl, I feel it for real.

As I find in this epic and platonic thing, I found out that jerks come and go out of my life.

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I'm not misery, some of them are actually, video games and drugs, commited to be pointless, to be unnecesary pain in the ass.

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This situation is more common for me, even in my 20's they still come into my life, like black holes to be nothing.

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