Mango

holy shit cap doesn't look like he wants to off himself!! are we finally free???

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

dude are WE the problem?

don't say that 🥲

but man hollander and cap are on 🔥🔥🔥🔥

can't believe they got cap playing wing! should've been hollander 😤

damn clean goal 🔥

wtf

did he just

ok guess happy roz is officially back

LETS GOOOO

dude I can't believe hollander got a kiss!! when's the last time any of us got one 😭

yeah like that should be reserved for raiders only

lol we need to get a welcome home cheater banner for the locker room 😂

didn't think he was that close with hollander?

lol maybe he's just trying to piss him off

nah that's genuinely happy roz

yeah and hollander doesn't look mad

whatever i for one am grateful THANK YOU JANE HOLLANDER FOR SAVING US FROM DEMON ROZ 🙏🙏🙏

*shane

wait

Oh

Shit

Fuck

...no way

double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."

they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."

"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"

when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.

they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"

i like to imagine montreal vs. ottawa game days post-the long game consist of hayden and shane very solemnly doing that every two minutes

"Can you imagine being the reason that Ilya Russian-Greatest-Love-Machine Rozanov spends the rest of his life having boring missionary style sex? Shane Hollander, if you really love him, let him go"

And everyone can see Ilya trying to understand the tweet for a second before he freezes, his breathing becoming unsteady while he interrupts Shane (stammering through a media trained response) to say:

"you... You think that Shane... You think he..."- before completely collapsing into absolute laughter. The kind of laughter that kind of hurts, that has you wheezing and trying to find your breath, that gets tears in your eyes and turns your face red from lack of oxygen. His voice and laughter get high-pitched, and he has to steady himself on his husband cause he almost falls from his chair.

The man is completely undone while Shane smacks his leg to "shut up, shut up!", all the while trying and failling to finish the sentence, cause he can't believe anyone on this planet could think of Shane as anything less as a sexually-deviant-kinky motherfucker who would rather die than do something less than soft BDSM.

Every time he starts to calm down, he looks at the camera and starts laughing again. They have to stop recording for 15 minutes, and in the following part of the interview everyone can see the red eyes from the tears of laughter, and the cuts in the video from where he couldn't control himself and started laughing again.