Spinning around the Sun

Pain. Unspeakable pain. It didn't matter who in this world or any other was staring at me, watching me, seeking to share this moment, or merely shuddering as I experienced it. Just didn't matter. Because in pain like this, one is always alone.

Letting go. Everyone talk about it like it's the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for so long, it's frozen shut.

I’ve blamed her for all of this, for leaving, for ruining me. And maybe that was the seed of it, but from that one little seed grew this tumor of a flowering plant. And I’m the one who nurtures it. I water it. I care for it. I nibble from its poison berries. I let it wrap around my neck, choking the air right out of me. I’ve done that. All by myself. All to myself.

Break my heart? Is that what you just said? I have news for you; you didn't break my heart. My heart's in the best shape of its life. You know what you did to me? You took an AK-47 and blew my soul open.

I don't like myself, you know. I love myself, of course. I'm devoted to myself till my dying day. But I don't like myself.