who am i

i died like 5 years ago my body just kept going

i am completely fine in an “i have been mentally unwell for years” kinda way

I'm going to *remembers suicide is often not a desire for death itself but rather an attempt to radically change one's life because the current state of being has become unbearable but the person can't think of any way to change it other than death* kill myself

those days where your entire train of thought is just “I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT PLEASE HELP ME” and whole time ur just like. sitting at your desk completely fine

there should be a cool, chill way to say things like “I’m struggling” or “I’m having a hard time” that doesn’t imply you might have needs

it turns out that making big positive changes in your life is great but it also forces you to reckon with the years you spent not really living and makes you feel like you're carrying the corpse of a 20 year old girl on your back

"Maybe it's just stress/anxiety" is so crazy as a Dismissive Statement because even when it *is* anxiety it's such an understatement to be like "how about you just chill out idk" when your body is poisoning itself with its own stress hormones. Like okay sometimes it is anxiety. This is still physically happening to me

"It's probably just stress" and it's like well documented that it can just kill people sometimes

u can be boiling alive in your mind for months and then on a random tuesday ur head gets so clear and life is worth living again and you're like damn what was all that about then

i’m really sorry about my behavior. you see, growing up, my family- *remembers blaming all my problems on other people is really annoying and unhealthy* i mean. i am responsible for all the evils of this world and i bear sins like the sky bears the stars

yeah i don't understand why people say they would still want to work if they had a choice, the physical and mental toll of employment is unbearable. i mean i can barely stomach getting out of bed most days, not to mention the emotional breakdowns and recurring desire to run away and become a missing persons case- [there is a man standing behind me with a comically large hammer labelled 'UNDIAGNOSED DISABILITY'] yo who invited this guy. what's he doing here.

guy who has a mental health condition that comes and goes: i’m cured this time actually i can feel it

same guy when they start having symptoms again: what the fuck is happening and why

(in the middle of a heartfelt conversation, with concerning sincerity) and dont forget that I am evil, and that my death will be announced with singing in the streets