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This is an awesome use of what is probably a master's degree if not a doctorate and I am 100% thrilled that she shared it even though it was embarrassing and she squeaked.
Californian (sup, fellow desert-havers) i've been using this since i saw it and it works so fucken good dude (i often have to put like 8 dogs in my car, so it's extra important my car isn't attempting to go super-nova when we get in)
reminder that you cannot call people or things "retarded" around me. we will have a conversation where I explain that I can still tell you the names of 62 people for which I was legally responsible. I will tell you that I loved them
and you will feel like you were being an asshole and wonder why you don't just stop saying it altogether. me too.
if we're friends, you can call me a faggot. there can be a lot of tenderness in that. I got beat up and bullied and just generally treated like a detestable freak by people who called me that word while they did it. hearing it spoken by a loved voice, with clear affection, can be beautiful. it can feel like understanding, forgiveness, absolution, permission, and a thousand other wonderful things. it can be beautiful.
I got called retarded too, but we don't share any special insight into that. it's just a word to us. pick a different one.
a lady with a developmental disability once explained to me that she'd overheard some kids calling each other retarded in the mall we'd visited earlier that day. searching for something to say that might comfort her, I explained that they don't know anything about people like her and so they weren't really talking about her, just being ignorant.
she got angry and said "then they need to pick a different word". and so you need to pick a different word.
don't think this is exclusive to public spaces like the mall or the park or whatever either. she has a tablet and access to the internet, just the same as you do. she can read, write, and make her own decisions. she has a husband.
you don't know anything about her, you need to stop talking about her. pick a different word.
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full details below the cut, but the tl:dr of it all is CCRP is fishing for Webby (instead of Tinky), Steph gets mixed into in the middle of it and now is the one and only Spiderwoman.Â
magic has been infecting Hatchetfield for decades, poisoning desperate people into superpowered villains that Spiderwoman now kicks the ass of on a weekly basis. she also saves one Peter J. Spankoffski on patrol and kind-of sort-of befriends him. and his weirdo friend Grace. and maybe starts spending way too much time with them.
but! she saved her dad from certain death, she loves Webby dearly, and is absolutely killing it as the cityâs beloved hero!! Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong!
Hatchetfield is now a huge metropolis, but still on an island, which fucks immensely
It grew fast in the early 1900s after the U.S. government sponsored CCRPâs research into magic. Publicly, CCRP is a science/tech giant. Secretly, itâs contracted by PEIP to study the supernatural phenomena leaking into Hatchetfield. Of course itâs headquartered in Hatchetfield bc the barrier between reality and the Black and White is thinnest
CCRPâs current billion-dollar top-secret project is siphoning power from the Queen in White, Webby
During a junior-year field trip to CCRP, Steph gets mixed into a top-clearance Webby-summoning experiment that ends up permanently tying her to the Queen in White
And it is a weird tie, less âbestowed powersâ and more âactual eldritch deity sharing Stephâs body and mindâ
As Steph, she mostly feels Webby as a faint presence in the back of her mind, warning her of danger (or silently disapproving of her choices). To actually communicate, Webby has to take over.
Webby being in the driverâs seat stretches Stephâs body into this terrifying glowing form with extra eyes, thick weblike skin, and wayyy too much power. Steph can vaguely understand whatâs happening around her, but she has no control.
Eventually, after a summer of trial and error, they work out a compromise: a halfway transformation where Steph stays mostly in control, keeps her face and voice, and gets access to the spider powers. Webby can still take over if Steph is about to die (or missteps on a rooftop, or swings from webbing at a bad angle, or is about to say some stupid shit). Steph ends up really liking Webby. Webby is kind and understanding about the whole âunwilling host of a permanent parasiteâ thing, so Steph is any ignoring long term implications of Webby in her mind.
Webby also explains what the Lords in Black are doing and their plans to widen the rift between realities through human sacrifice.
People can access the Lordsâ powers through knowledge, desperation, or both. If they misuse that power and implode, it counts as a sacrifice. Anyone they kill also counts. If theyâre stopped before they implode, the rift stays unchanged. Villains are dangerous when theyâre wrecking the city and wracking up casualties, and then also on a larger scale theyâre actively helping the Lords tear reality open.
Meanwhile, Grace Chasity finds the Black Book.
Grace is a good and devoted Christian, so she hates these ancient creatures. They are not gods, obviously, because there is only one True Lord. But if God put this book in her hands, then clearly He expects her to use these powers to carry out His will. Grace starts studying the Black Book carefully
Then Max Jagerman gets tied to Pokotho. Maybe itâs his hatred for nerds. Maybe somethingâs happening at home. But it transforms him into The Monster: stronger, crueler, nearly invulnerable, and absolutely thrilled by the power. And as The Monster, during another random destructive attack, he kills Ruth and Richie in front of Peter.
Authorities canât do anything and no one cares, it's another casualty from a villain.Â
Grace cares. Sheâs the only one that actually reaches out to Pete after their deaths. Pete expects platitudes of âtheyâre in a better placeâ or âJesus would forgive their killer,â and is completely blindsided by Grace wishing death on all villains. Pete, grieving and furious, connects with that way more than he expected. Neither of them meant to become friends, but Grace is present and steady when Pete has no one, and Pete is willing to help Grace without treating her like a joke. Peteâs scientific mind and Graceâs Black Book knowledge turn into a long series of hypotheses and experiments about how villains access the Lordsâ powers and how to stop them.
Meanwhile, Steph sneaks out to be Spiderwoman as much as possible outside of villain attacks. She tells Webby sheâs doing patrols to keep Hatchetfield safe, which is technically true (plus Webby has access to her mind and the final say on power use, she could veto whenever she wants), but mostly she loves the freedom of flipping around the city and not being Steph Lauter, mayorâs daughter.
One night, she finds some nerd getting beaten bloody behind a restaurant and scares the bully off. She pulls the guy (oh my god itâs Micropeter! She hasnât heard of him since middle school!) onto the rooftopsto make sure he doesnât immediate medical help, they talk, and Steph finds him unfortunately funny. So Steph decides to hang out with him in person. Dorkass bowtie be damned.
She uses tutoring as an excuse, which is technically true because Spiderwomaning is destroying her grades. But they become actual friends. Studying turns into hanging out, hanging out turns into dinners, and suddenly Steph is spending more time at the Spankoffskisâ than her own house. She also warms up to Grace, even if Grace and Pete are the weirdest pair of friends alive. Steph truly cannot figure out what glues their friendship together, because they constantly bicker and seem to agree on almost nothing, but somehow they fit
The three of them also bond over being way too interested in Hatchetfieldâs supernatural disasters. Steph knows itâs weird that she keeps such "close tabs" on Spiderwoman and the villains, but Pete and Grace are just as obsessed, so itâs nice to have people to talk tactics with. Grace doesnât necessarily approve of Spiderwomanâs power source, but she can begrudgingly admit Spiderwoman is useful as long as villains are running around. Steph comes so close to spilling her secret so many times, but she holds back.
Pete and Grace keep researching the Black Book in secret, and their experiments and mini rituals keep getting stronger. They end up mostly pulling from Tânoy Karaxis because (for reasons they donât fully understand) his power responds best
Pete never asks Steph to homecoming, but Stephâs got plans with other friends. Itâs no big deal. She is extremely pleased that he keeps asking if heâll see her there, if sheâd maybe possibly consider saving a dance for him on her extremely full dance card. She promises a dance.
Then Pete finds out The Monsterâs identity.
Maxwell Jagerman. Max Jagerman, the asshole who made his and Ruthâs and Richieâs lives a living hell. Max Jagerman, who killed Ruth and Richie. Max Jagerman, who is living his best life, getting a full-ride football scholarship, nominated homecoming king, and getting away with everything under everyoneâs noses. Pete goes to Grace with that knowledge, and she sees the fire in his eyes, and agrees he should attempt what theyâve been working up to in their experimentations, a summoning ritual, a bond to connect Pete to the powers, to take matters into their own hands
It works. Pete transforms into a horrific goat creature with a single-minded rage to destroy Max Jagerman. He tears into the stadium during the homecoming game and singles Max out. Max also transforms and the two tear apart the football field, wrecking havoc among the rioting panic of the fleeing crowd.Â
Steph, who had been saving Pete and Grace seats in the bleachers, transforms to help get civilians out, shielding people from debris and trying to push the fight away from the crowd. By the time she joins the actual fight, The Monster and the new villain have practically torn each other apart.Â
Webby is horrified and uncertain. She isnât used to seeing two of her brothersâ pawns fight each other.
Then the goat creature kills The Monster. And then just⌠stops.
He doesnât attack Spiderwoman. He doesnât go after the city. He just slumps in the middle of the field. His form starts flickering, which means the connection to its Lord is unstable. Which means he is going to implode and Spiderwoman needs to take him out quickly.
Spiderwoman approaches carefully. She usually takes out a villain mid-fight, but a strange sense of guilt arises at the thought of having to do it here, without the heat of the battle backing her moral justice.Â
Then, between flickers, she sees him. Peter.
She rushes forward, grabbing her catatonic friend by the shoulders, trying desperately to shake him out of the inevitable countdown of implosion. To understand why in the fuck her smart friend would do something so monumentally devastatingly stupid. A smile breaks through his bloodied and beaten face when he finally locks eyes with her, pained and satisfied in a way that looks familiar on his face but so wrong (it was the smug look of the boy whoâd proven she could get a B on her math test, not a villain whoâd just killed Max Jagerman in front of the entire school).Â
Webby has been screaming at Steph the whole time, getting louder every second Peterâs form flickers faster, blurring between both forms. Steph desperately tries to hold on to the feeling in her body, in the sensation of pressing her best friend into a final hug as Webby takes over. Stephâs shoved to the passenger's seat of her own mind as Webby steps into full control for the first time since Stephâs became Spiderwoman, and Steph doesnât feel her hands take Peteâs life.
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I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought âwhy do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,â so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? Itâs alright if you canât because apparently I fuckin couldnât either
Cutting something out of your life because you think you donât need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like letâs say public health and the social safety net and vaccines
I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said âthereâs gonna come a time, probably when youâre a teenager, where youâre gonna think, âI feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I havenât needed it in years.â and youâre gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess whatâs gonna happen then? Youâre gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and youâre gonna be dying again, and weâre gonna have to find you another liver. So donât do that.â And I said âwhy the fuck would anyone do that?â and he said âpeople are stupid.â
every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or donât wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think âugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?â and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid
gotta find that thing. gotta go outside and admire everything about the world. the cracks in the sidewalk and the dry grass and peopleâs weird hair. gotta find what iâm looking for i just donât know what it is yet
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