Birb @ramphastestoco - Tumblr Blog

beaft

my friend took a photo of me cliff-climbing that makes me look like a squashed bug on a car windshield

beaft

i call it going gollum mode

#grisp it

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spaceshipsandpurpledrank

vimbry-moved

bears

teaboot

I'm going to start a game show where I play songs the contestants have never heard before in a huge room with bad acoustics and they have to guess what the lyrics are

teaboot

Mall Cafeteria: Yoonotugudubegowin Hobububuduhabusah / Gubudubudubugee Guddubagudduhgoin / Im done hidinow I'm shinin like a bubaubee / Peecesobidah ! / I'm so bryduh / ba du wannuh / reeEEEEEEEEEEE

Me, sobbing: please just tell me what you want

teaboot

Intercom: Sonubuhuguduhbawheeeeenin Sonny gonnabe beezin / tonight [...] Pubugusweenin,,, tonight [...] Never felt this way before withaynyone / Baby /Guzzabunawuningadada fEEwan / tunnite

Me: ...Harry Styles?

Intetcom: TUNNITE

teaboot

Intercom: AYEboduh,BRYgoduh,WHYdumunuhRAYbee GUYbroduh,DIEbroguh,,FIEfuguhPAYbee AYEbpridufunubuhaguhduhRAYFWEEEEEEEEEE

Me: Ariana baby I know that's you in there. Give me your hand. I can get you out

mewvore

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

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avidcollectorofdust

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

tomb-mold

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

wizardarchetypes

one time when i was specializing in whales a guy came in and asked where the whales were right that instant (southern resident killer whales could be anywhere between alaska and california at any given moment) and as soon as i started explaining that he loudly interrupted "I'LL GO ASK A MAN" and stormed off to one of my employees and from a distance i watched him ask the same question and then the employee point back at me.

wizardarchetypes

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

carolinalaurel

One summer I was running ferry rides across a lake so people could see the waterfalls without walking 6 miles when a guy snapped my bra strap as he was boarding the boat. So i immediately threw him off, he started yelling for my manager, my boss cheerfully informed him that, yeah, she’s the captain of the boat and she can kick off anyone she wants. He goes to storm off, looks expectantly at his girlfriend, and she just goes, “Well, I’M not walking six miles, Michael! I’ll meet you back at the car!” and sits right back down!!!!

The expression on his face when he was told that he couldn’t get on the boat, then immediately told that his girlfriend was ditching him? PRICELESS. he just blinked at her and then stormed off like a child. I gave her a free hat and was like maybe rethink this relationship…….

hickeywiththegoodhair

i once had this fucker come up to order a beer. while i pour it he shows me the wanky fucking chemical structure tattoo on his arm and he’s like “hey. you know what this is” i was like “nah sorry” (never cared abt chemistry in school, plus having to look at a some rando’s pretentious tattoo gives me the douche chills). he decides to respond with “heh. you must not read many books”

i immediately stop pouring his beer. i reply: “heh. you must not want this beer.” thirsty boy immediately starts groveling like a worm “please please no i do want the beer im sorry im sorry” believe me when i say it was one of the most pathetic things ive ever witnessed

lezbadeez

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

lastvalyrian

I genuinely believe that part of why it has become so normalized to be openly callous and evil in politics is that customer service culture has trained affluent people that they can treat everyone they consider beneath them however they want and still be treated kindly.

moonshynecybin

have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out

moonshynecybin

devilishdescent

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newdoges

sadgrrly02

r/stalker definitely not suffering from hiatus brain

studentofetherium

okay but what does the rock look like?

sadgrrly02

studentofetherium

yeah okay, that looks like bread

lgbtqiapsupportlove

eflatminorseven

thinking about edvard munch's "The Sun" (1911)

like yeah thats how it feels. thats what it feels like to exist sometimes. he gets it

raptorcivilization

Reminder to all nonbinary people: You can summon SUE the T. rex for aid

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