This Blog is Awesome

Everyone I Love Is Dead

The English Have Stolen All My Sheep

You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three

The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep

I Love You A Lot But You’ve Left Me And It’s Raining [fiddle solo]

The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English

One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome

* Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland

* The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It

* You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won’t Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)

* Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They’ve Stopped Listening Now Let’s Talk About Revolution

genres include:

I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn’t Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug

The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed

You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)

Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She’s Weary Of Our Shit And Now She’s Dyin’ (Gather Round)

The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won’t Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground

We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn’t Fix The Levee 

The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang) 

When The Rebels Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left

I think someone needs to put in a word for the English folk tradition though:

I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl By Staying At Her Parents’ House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)

I Am a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I’m Pregnant

I Met a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It

I Met a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis

Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let’s Get Married, I’m Glad You Said No Because I’m Really Him In Disguise

Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome

The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead)

Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor

I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia

We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On Horseback)

Witness My Many Ungulates

(While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who Reminded Me of a Plant

On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A Horse)

Witness My Many Ancestors’ Many Ungulates

I Also Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It’s Made of Horseshoes

Oooorrrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrrrrrrr (Is Tuvan for “Horse”)

We Must Plant the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk! 

We Must Harvest the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk!

There’s No Crops Right Now, Let’s Get Drunk!

Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad

There Are Ghosts in the Trees

The Japanese Exploit Us (And the Americans Do Too)

I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful, War Is Still Bad

Hey, There’s an Old Man, Let’s Get Drunk!

I Am A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who Loves a Town Girl, Oh No!

Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What Shall I Tell Maman?

Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs, All Day, What Ho!

Like Hell You’re Marrying That Good for Nothing Bambocheur!

Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea!  Now!

I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now We Are In Love!

I Want to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling, But I’m Afraid My Father Will Find Out!

A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I Will Die, Alas

I Am A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat

The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For Your Feminine Torture, O Woman

Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other Place Is Just Awful

I Love You, But You Are Married

I Love You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You Dance With The Baker’s Son, Thou Vixen?)

I Love You, But You Left Me All Alone On This Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You, Foul Temptress

Rome Is Still The Best Place And Every Other Place Can Go Right To Hell

Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You Will Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die

I Love You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place)

Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love Rome?

Venetian Special Genres:

Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of Drowned Sailors

Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure Them Out At All

I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue

- That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But She Will Have Sex With You If You Don’t Kick Her Off The Boat

- Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now Dead

- Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat And Stole Your Silver)

- Fuck You England

- We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You

- Life Isn’t So Bad, If You Just Go Outside

- Fuck You Winter

- Look At That Guy (Wild Racism)

- We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild Racism)

- Drinking Is Fun

- Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea

- God Is My Dad

There Was A War And Everyone is Dead, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

There is Going to Be a War And Everyone Will Die, There’s Also a Sybmolic Bird

The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds Involved)

Alas You Are Dead 

I’m a Bird, I Drink Vodka

Fuck It’s Cold

Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife Please I Have Children

And my personal favourite:

~ I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society’s Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life

~ A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That Nobody Gets Him

~ This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much, Period

~ I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And Released It On Water To Find My Love, No Sexual Hits Involved

~ I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out, Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints

~ Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex

~ Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation’s Young People

~ The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

~  The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It’s Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In Nature

~ Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine Hahaha Yay!

~ I have a boat and have procured many crawfish do you love me?

~ I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and also dancing

~ My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore superior your girlfriend, who cannot

~ my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore inferior to all other girlfriends

~ I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew I was in love (on the bayou)

- Where the hell is your goat, sir? x8 and my love looks like a peeled egg

- There’s an old parrot on the windowsill x4 and my grandma only has 2 teeth left

- Check out that hot girl over yonder, now pick the fruit (it’s really a poem about manners), check out this hot girl, now let’s ripen a different fruit while sailing (it’s about gratitude)

- We’re now singing about water spinach by the marsh and more foodstuff to be eaten

- LET’S GO HOME x9

- We’re singing about a river now and boy it can beat out the seasons

- This is our mountain and it’s super tall and blue! ❤ ❤ ❤ 

- The frog is sitting by the well, croak croak, and now he fell in and DIED, croaked croaked

- I’m On A Convict Ship (And I Want To Go Home)

- I Stole A Sheep And Will Literally Commit Suicide Rather Than Go To Jail

- Small-Town Boy Makes Good As A Bushranger, Dies Heroically

- Let’s Have A Sheep-Shearing Race

- The Bush Is Confusing And Beautiful And Now We’re Dead

- Why Is The Rum Gone?

- Seriously, Why Is The Fucking Rum Gone, There Is Literally Nothing Else To Do In This Godforsaken Wasteland

- Birds Are Pretty Cool, I Guess

- No Horse Is As Good Or As Fast As That One Horse Was That Time 

- Fuck The Authorities, Let’s Have A Drink

- Hello Adonai, Master of the Universe, I’m Here to Sue You On Behalf of the Jewish People

- We Kidnapped Our Family’s Goat Because It Was Sad and We Wanted It To Be Free (There Shouldn’t Be Suffering)

- Food Is Literally So Important

- I’m Meditating Under A Bunch of Trees (It’s Really Hard Not to Cry)

- Shabbat Is Fucking Great

- We’re Not Dead Yet

- Hey Kids, You’re Gonna Endure Suffering But At Least You Can Be Inspired By the Torah

- Detailed Description of What We’re Gonna Have For Dinner Tomorrow (I’m Excited)

- One Day Things Are Gonna Be Better, Even Though It Really Sucks Right Now

- Oh To Be a Cat Sleeping On the Roof

- This Candle Has The Souls of My Ancestors In It (Let’s Get Drunk)

I always see posts about layering clothing, but there are so many more creative ways to help keep you warm if you don’t have a lot of warm clothes. But first, a note on layering clothing:

-Your underlayer is your WICKING layer. That means it is a layer specifically to absorb the moisture your body produces. DO NOT USE COTTON AS A BOTTOM LAYER. Use merino wool if possible, but other good substitutions are nylon, polyester and rayon. 

-Your middle layer is for insulation. You want AIR POCKETS in there, NOT tight fitting clothes. This is where you want to put your fluffy sweaters, your fleece, down, fur, flannel, or vests. If you do not have these, you can substitute with multiple layers of long sleeve shirts.

-Your outer layer is for keeping the cold away from your body. If you do not have a jacket, you can put on your thickest piece of clothing and then a raincoat over it. Windbreaker if you have one. 

ALSO

-Jeans are the absolute worst at holding heat. Use only as a last resort. 

-You can’t really ever have too many layers on your feet. Alternate tucking your layers of pants into your layers of socks to keep your ankles warm!

-Wear a hat OVER a hood if it will fit! This will keep your ears warmest.

TAKE OFF/OUT ANY AND ALL JEWELERY/PIERCINGS

-If you have a medical bracelet, DO NOT REMOVE IT. If you can, tuck a layer of clothes between it and your skin.

NON-CLOTHING TIPS:

-Raid your recycling. Gather all cardboard boxes and break them down so that they are flat. Put them on the floor to add more layers between you and the cooling house. Newspaper will also serve the same purpose.

-In an emergency, you can also layer newspaper between clothing layers. Don’t worry about looking stupid if you’re staying warm.

-If you have a tent, set that sucker up in whatever room you have decided to stay in. Stay in it and keep it zipped shut as much as you can, but do NOT cover the vent at the top. You can put the rain fly up, but make sure there is circulating air for you to breathe.

-You are probably not going to feel very hungry at times. DO NOT STOP EATING OR DRINKING. Digestion produces a lot of body heat and the food will give your body energy to keep itself going.

-The best foods are heavy and full of carbs and proteins. Eat nuts, eggs, pasta, meats, and beans. If you are on a diet, now you’re not. If you’re vegetarian… bulk up on those pastas and nuts.

-Try not to sweat. If you are finding yourself getting damp, take off the outer layer just until you start to cool slightly. Then redress! Your bottom layer should dry quickly, and being wet is dangerous.

-On that note, STAY ACTIVE. You are probably going to want to hunker down and snuggle up, but that will make your muscles cramp. Every 15-20 minutes do something that gets you up and about. Walk circles in the room, do a couple jumping jacks, stretch, whatever. Just enough to move some blood around your body. Don’t get sweaty or out of breath, it’s just a little movement.

-CHAPSTICK. ON YOUR LIPS. ON YOUR NOSE. ON YOUR EARS. ON YOUR KNUCKLES. Don’t let your extremities get dry or cracked.

SIGNS OF HYPOTHERMIA:

-Uncontrollable shivering -Slurred speech -Confusion or memory loss -Dizziness or lack of coordination -Inability to be woken from sleep

CHILDREN AND INFANTS!!!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

-Children WILL get colder before you. Make sure they are properly bundled up.

-If you need to breastfeed, put a blanket over the both of you and wait a few minutes for the air to warm before removing or shifting your clothing.

-DO NOT COVER AN INFANTS FACE. ESPECIALLY WHEN SLEEPING. Keep them tucked inside your own clothes when possible. As close to your heart and stomach as possible. 

-Put chapstick on children’s cheeks and clean their face often if they are crying or wiping at their nose. This will prevent cracked skin and irritation.

-Make sure your children are staying as hydrated as you! They are going to fuss and not want to drink cold things, but they NEED liquids.

SIGNS OF HYPOTHERMIA IN INFANTS AND TODDLERS ARE DIFFERENT:

-Shortness of breath  -Cold, red skin -Lethargy or listlessness

Finally:

It’s important to get your chimneys inspected if you have a wood stove/fireplace/ect to make sure they are clean and safe. Store wood an appropriate distance from the heat source.

If your power is out and therefor the water as well, and you HAVE to flush that toilet, you can take the top off the tank and pour some in before each flush. DO NOT waste your drinking water on this. Use a bucket of water from a pond or run the bath and fill up a bucket beforehand. Do not use pool water. I haven’t looked into what chlorine would do to a septic tank/public water supply but I assume it’s nothing good.

If you have questions about the blackouts, I suggest calling your energy provider (I need to do this too) to see if they have more information or a schedule of when they might need to start implementing shut downs.

You can now turn off reblogs on your posts, even the old ones. Click on the little gear icon at the top of the post window and towards the bottom to set reblogs to "anyone" or "no one."

You can have up to 30 images in a post now! Just be sure to be respectful and tag it as a long post.

Speaking of long posts, you can now set tumblr to automatically shorten anything over a certain length. It's under Settings>Dashboard.

Tumblr now has content labels, which is what has allowed them to bring back mature content art. These are important, so please use them. You can turn them on on each post individually by clicking the "everyone" drop down next to the "post now" button. And you can control how your dashboard shows or doesn't show labeled posts by going to Settings>Account.

You can now filter tags and post content via tumblr itself without using something like XKit! This is also under Settings>Account.

Tumblr offers an ad-free subscription now. $40 a year. If you love this little hellsite, this is a great way to show support!

Tumblr also allows users to pay to turn their posts into ads now. It's called blazing a post. It is great fun and generally hilarious. You have no control over your audience. You're just yeeting your post, of any sort, not just advertising, off into the void. An ad-free subscription hides these posts, but you can in fact turn blazed posts specifically back on while blocking the rest of the ads. Blaze a post by clicking on the little flame icon at the bottom. You can only blaze your own posts.

You can buy fun little tchotchkys for your dashboard and, sometimes, the dashboards of others. Right now we've got crabs, a horse that shits everywhere, and the super special double blue checkmarks. These are just fun little things to play with.

You can now enable tipping on your blog/individual posts. Totally optional, of course, but can be useful if you're a creator.

Staff has been a lot more active this last year, so if you want to keep up with what is going on be sure to follow @staff, @changes, and @wip.

Don’t ever come at me saying “both parties are the same”

No, no they’re not. the REPUBLICANS are doing this.  

The bill would ban public funding for any COLLEGE that teaches or discusses it.

In other words, they are laying out their Long Game to make it impossible to obtain Gender-affirming Care. Making it so that Medical Schools cannot teach it, which would eventually lead to…..well….no doctors that can provide care to Transgender people.

cecelia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness

i wanna get better by bleachers

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant

ways to go by grouplove

girls by the 1975

miracle mile by cold war kids

take a walk by passion pit

little talks by of monsters and men

tongue tied by grouplove

midnight city by m83

undercover martyn by two door cinema club

i can talk by two door cinema club

young blood by the naked and famous

kids by mgmt

1901 by phoenix

young folks by peter bjorn and john

daylight by matt & kim

animal by neon trees

stolen dance by milky chance

out of my league by fitz and the tantrums

talk too much by coin

greek tragedy by the wombats

chocolate by the 1975

anna sun by walk the moon

everybody talks by neon trees

what you know by two door cinema club

dancing on glass by st lucia

don't interact with corporate tumblr accounts

yes even to dunk on them. i don't care if you have the sickest burn of the century lined up, don't even give them the time of day

And if that doesn't change, you may not believe it, but tumblr will close. Back in 2019, if Automattic hasn't bought it, I'm pretty convinced Verizon would have closed before the end of the year. This time, once Automattic says "we can't keep losing millions per month on this"... I don't think there will be anyone else willing to buy this hellsite, even for a single dollar.

Personally, I would prefer Tumblr to be paid by its own users and not being reliant on advertising. I work here, I could have almost everything for free, but I pay my own blazed posts and crab gifts because of this. But we are FAR from getting enough income from people subscribing, blazing or buying gifts. FAR.

And we are not talking about Facebook-like greed here, "Tumblr wants to squeeze us to make even more money!!!". We are talking about Automattic keeping Tumblr alive for three years already, losing millions and even if doing it costs a significant percentage of the income of the company. And no company would let something like that happens forever.

So if you like tumblr, if you enjoy this boiling cauldron of feral goblins, boicot advertisement if you want, but then toss a coin to your tumblr each month.

And it's ok if you can't, but then please, let people, or companies, blaze their posts in peace. If they bother you so much, just install an ad blocker.

There are several variations of "we have to keep this site unprofitable!!". And holy shit. Christ on a stake. Forgive my French, but me cago en la puta hostia como se puede ser tan corto.

Repeat with me:

You.

Don't.

Keep.

Any.

Site.

Unprofitable.

Because if it's unprofitable,

you don't get to keep it for long.

Full stop.

Do you know why Tumblr has stayed around for so long while being unprofitable??

Because it had been run by FOUR DIFFERENT COMPANIES IN THE LAST TEN YEARS.

So each one of those companies tried to make it profitable for two, three years and failed. And at that point, they just sold it to someone else to try.

The last time, Verizon sold it to Automattic for the business equivalent of a jar of peanut butter and a half-full cola bottle. Because they were going to close it anyway, so better to get that than nothing. And you know why Automattic could get it for cheap? Because. No. One. Else. Offered. Anything. Verizon announced very publicly they were trying to sell it and they got one (1) offer. Because purchasing Tumblr means you are purchasing a thing that puts you several million in debt PER MONTH.

So can you picture, can you imagine, what it will happen if the current owners decide that they can't keep having this thing that costs them so much money per month to maintain?? It has been owned by Automattic for three years already, longer than what it was owned by Yahoo or Verizon. Can you imagine what it would happen if they decide to stop losing money on this thing??

No, there won't be any new owner.

Big brands were advertising on the internet way before the hyper focused ads and data mining became The Way of paying for internet services.

If tumblr starts asking you to fill a profile with your personal info, ask you to connect your contacts, etc, that's the symptom of a turn towards an algorithmic advertising business model. But Tumblr could have done that at any point in the last 10 years and become a money-making machine like the other major social networks. And it didn't happen, for a reason: neither the current management nor the past one wanted to do that and they always have been trying to make Tumblr the platform that manages to succeed while respecting its user's privacy.

You know, I personally don't care about Marvel, but I have gotten blazed posts by Tor books and I was delighted. And if you think about it, marvel blazing its posts is EXACTLY what we want to happen all over the internet. Being realistic, we are not going to make this site to be 100% user funded for a long while, so ads are inevitable. That being the case, what's a better option than the brands sending their ads to everyone, without any segmentation, paying for N impressions and that's it. That was how internet ads were before Google and Facebook became the big brother and started selling our info to advertisers so they could convince your uncle to embrace fascism.

This is another important bit to understand: I would love tumblr to be funded by user donations, like ao3. The problem is... tumblr is not ao3. Let's left aside the "Tumblr is owned by a for-profit corporation" bit (Actually, it wouldn't be the first time that Automattic just open-source a project and donate it to its community to be maintained collectively), the problem is the type of platform both things are. Ao3 stores only text (I'm not an ao3 user, so please someone correct me if I'm wrong), but Tumblr ... well, doesn't.

To give you an example of what I mean: Based on its text limits, a single Tumblr post could contain the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy (well, you would probably need to edit it to be strategic with the paragraph breaks, but character-count-wise it could fit). And yet, that humongous post (suck that, colors of the sky!) would take about 1/20th of the space and bandwidth that any regular gifset post takes already. And it doesn't need transcoding of the images (so more powerful servers can do the job) nor worldwide data centers (you don't notice much if you are downloading 4mb of text from the opposite side of the planet... but you will if you are downloading 50mb of gifs).

tumblr is a for-profit site. at some point, if it doesn't make money, it WILL get shut down

since a lot of you cannot or will not pay for subscription (not saying that is not valid! just that it's not happening) the money has to come from somewhere else therefore,

(but really 2.a) unless you don't want tumblr turned into an algorithmic hellscape, leaving brands alone* is the price you pay.

Please note im saying leave them ALONE that means you do not need to engage with them! which is actually consistent with OP's post! You can just ignore them (seriously installing firefox with ublock origin and maybe xKit if you're feeling fancy I have never seen an ad on this site unless a mutual posted a screenshot. Never. Not one)

imo there is a big difference between a site "being profitable" and a site "turning its users into the product" and the latter is MUCH WORSE.

And true tof form, they decided to do the worst possible low effort job of making a show out of it. Grave mistakes include adding sexual content (very not-Tolkien), rewriting characters just cause they feel like it (turning an elegant, powerful sorceress into a warrior and a wise leader into an “ambitious” go getter), none of the male elves have long hair (and hair is a HUGE part of Elvish culture), party city looking costumes, general low effort all around, and egregious inaccuracies a la Amazon the Soulless Corporation essentially just trying to make Tolkien’s work more palatable for Game of Thrones fans rather than putting effort into just letting it be what LotR fans actually like about it.

But then extremely seasoned stunt actors kept complaining about unsafe work practices during the filming of Rings, which they considered particularly egregious on that kind of budget. Their complaints were ignored. There were multiple serious injuries, some requiring surgery. Amazon failed to report these incidents to New Zealand’s WorkSafe program as required by law.

Finally, it pulled out of filming in New Zealand altogether, a costly move for both Amazon and New Zealand, and relocated the production to the UK where worker safety rules are far more lax.