yeehaw

is it culturally appropriate to say “here comes the airplane” to your baby if you had twins

Did you know that um…. (remembers that words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm) …………

In American culture it is considered “bad luck” to leave the stove on when you’re not using it

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

oh my god the original out in the wild

the lion does not concern himself with the angel that keeps materialising at the foot of his bed

We Are the Daughters of the Microbes Who Could Survive in an Oxygen-rich Atmosphere

"Do you insert yourself as the top/bottom of your favorite ship?" No, I'm the cameraman

“I ain’t reading all that” your brain is rotting and shrinking

Fucked Up But True: If You Don't Do Anything With Your Day, The Day Will Keep Going On Without You

EEEEEYIKES!!! my odds of finding ""the eight pages"" are pretty ""slender"" if this ""man"" keeps following me around!!!