BEGINNING 24

3 years summed up in a day.

U ask me how,

3 years strted in this place

Ends in this place,

3 years of joy and pain,

Of hard work and play.

3 years of learning to learn,

Going to classes and talks,

3 years of people and educators

Those who teach and those who we teach,

3 years of touching lives,

Leaving footprints on their hearts.

3 years of watching people,

Meeting new faces and growing close to them,

3 years of saying hi and bye face to face,

Soon it'd be only via whatsapp and facebook.

3 years. It shall be gone too soon. Before you know 3 years became too short.

3 years God gave for me to grow.

Grow i did, to here i've become.

New seasons began since last December. After much heartfelt seeking and soul searching. Since then, not one day pasts without lessons and head knowledge about relationships become real life-lessons or never imagined before mind-blowing experiences. It might sound like cloud-nine came and visit for awhile. Still needed to keep my feet on the ground and level-headed. My faith as anchor. 

December marked many new beginnings and little joys and heart-skipping moments. So many first-moments. And the event-full birthday. My journal saw these words 

“I had faith 24 would be amazing. That it would be awesome but I could never imagine how awesome it could be. What a way to celebrate turning a year older...Reflecting on 24. I enjoyed it very much... 

I belive #twentyfive is a year to keep moving forward; one step in front of the other. Not letting regrets take its place. Stay focus and keep walking. My prayer : God, continue to use me to impact lives and use me for Your glory. Teach me to be humble and grow me beyond now. Help me to hold steadfast to the faith I profess. Let me be a woman. ” #beginning24writes 

And soon New Year was welcomed by staying home and listening to the neighbors firing away. 

January came with a promise of a new year and new hope and new resolutions. New things meant much adjustments and changes.  As reality begins to set in, I begin to discover even more about myself. I begin my litmus test to see how I fare in building a relationship. There are many things that we can never know not until we have been in it and experience it for ourselves. And January was the beginning of such a season. As feelings developed and different situations occur, the journey starts to get bumpy.  I begin to see my not-so-nice sides. 

February comes all of a sudden and I am thrown a curve-ball. It was the news of having to leave the company due to the main firm was going through a cost-cutting package. ( later I read that 10,000 would lose their jobs). I remember the morning something in me told me to spend time with God. It was a Tuesday. And at that point I had very mixed feelings. When I received the first news inside me felt like a prayer was answered. I had wanted to make a leap into something else that had caught my passion for since years back. Psychology. People development. 

I have a passion for development. To be part of a team of research and analyse people & trends and behavior and develop something from there. To be able to contribute and stand before people 

March was a season to wrap things up. The reality of last day of service approaches. More people are asking me out of concern if I found a job yet or what will I be doing next. Some general answers I’ve been giving people was perhaps find something to teach or get into teaching while I plan for further studies. The anxiety starts to creep in. I make a list of things to do. I planned to meet certain people. I made plans. Underneath all that planning my ears were constantly kept alert as I’d been praying since Nov of 2016. I kept my feet planted until I knew there was only one way to go and only in God’s timing did it happen. And yet struggle of the unknown details of the future is real. 

Where I am now ... 

I’ve known an area of me to think critically, to write, to analyze and to extract quality information out and compile them into something inspiring. I’ve been in the role of handling social media for youth ministry. I wish to do more. I hope to do more. But beyond that, there is that desire to get closer to engage and get my hands dirty through research and development. Does it sound like a huge dream? Yes. And the more I talk to people who ask me questions about what I want to do, the more frustrated I feel. I’m glad for open doors for discussion and possible opportunities and “dream project talks”. I’m aware of the people I should be meeting and talking to get advice from. I’m also aware of what will take priority and my the present circumstances surrounding. 

Beyond all this, I’m on the journey, at a cross-road and at the beginning of a chapter which will define my life. I’m being shaken and I’m experiencing some testing of what I believe in and something I set my eyes on since I was young. 

I feel the fear, inadequacy and inferiority. This morning as I was just sitting and writing in my journal I saw my fears in writing before my eyes. As I stared at the words I saw the insecurities and fear of people’s judgement on me, but I also saw the fear that if I do not take a chance and turn all this around I’ll lose this insight. This dream and uniqueness that’s rare. Not that I am superior that I felt that self-righteous and chosen but my circumstances have shaped me. And who except God could have engineered such things to happen. 

Spring comes with a promise of new life,  After a season of hibernation, Where life seemed to stop.  A layer of snow, of ice and cold, Blankets of white and frost that bites, Hiding a seed of potential. Germinating and awaiting,  For Mother Nature to call it’s name.

The first entry for the year. Where do i begin? Let's begin with a December quick recap. Life in December was expected and forecasted for greatness. Boy did I know what greatness would mean?

Everyone defines greatness differently. So mine was great in my very own personal way. After a rollercoaster ride of almost 10 months, I'm no longer single and available. I'm now someone's significant other. That's right! My own personal adventure for the genre of romance and boy-girl relationship. All those years of reading and watching people talk about relationships what it would mean and imagining how it would look came. It didn't came too soon. Nor too late.

Yet it did feel rather express. But when God's timing is right. A lot would fall quickly into place. So here I am at this stage in life. What happens next I am not sure but I am sure if I keep my feet planted in God and stick to His ways, God will direct my paths.

We will still face struggles even when we meet our significant other.

One of the biggest topics I expect to face even though I am in this phase is still temptation and lust. Guess what, it's something that we all face even in singleness or when we meet our significant other. Temptations in fact becomes greater when we think we do not need to keep a firm check on ourselves. Keeping our conscience in check and our thoughts in control is a decision that we all need to make. #thestruggleisreal becomes my reality now that the attractions and chemistry is permitted to grow in an official relationship. Changing one's status from single to in a relationship does not discount of the struggles and issues faced in singleness. Setting healthy boundaries is now so crucial and having accountability to the people around us keeps our feet on the ground although our heads might be floating on cloud nine.

Being good stewards of God. This area is so broad and general yet it holds some of the keys to who we truly are as an individual and person. Growing up my whole life I was brought up with a lot of conservative and Asian ways. Being conservative and filial as well as learning how to respect the people in my community was topics that were always talked about. Besides my upbringing, God's Word shaped and molded my rough edges during my single years. Even once you have met your significant other a clear and firm reminder is this; You still need to keep your walk with God going. It's one foot in front of the other and a constant and persistent journey. Being a good steward in all that you had and all that you do in your singleness applies even now more than ever. The difference is that you have another person by your side who is also pulling his wagon.

2018  ...

What would it hold? Potential.

I’ve always loved December. However it also flies by very quickly. Just thinking about how Decembers are always filled with so much to do and prep for the celebrations and New Year that’s around the corner. 

The past three weeks has been the most intense weeks of my 2017. Back to back there planning retreats, youth conference and youth camp. All building up and leading towards the nineteenth of December, Christmas and the New Year. 

A lot had happened and a lot of pieces started making sense. Growing up as a second generation Christian has it’s own set of challenges and with each celebration of my birthday it’s become a habit and tradition to reflect and renew my directions. Last year I started twenty four with faith, and as I was journaling I realized it took faith to position my heart in the right place. Setting my mind to be focused that #morethanthis and “I’m getting there”. Also having to cling on and mark the very moment I received Christ as my Lord and Savior. As young as I was, it was strange to have certain memories deeply ingrained such that whenever I close my eyes I can still recall the very moment. Like the day I went up for altar call and accepted Jesus as my God in a kids bootcamp. Having no idea on what it meant then, but with the faith of a mustard seed and a child the grand invitation presented to me I accepted. 

Now, after twenty four cycles around the sun and today starting out my twenty fifth, I believe #twentyfive would be continuing on #beginning24′s writing journey. Keeping this in mind it’s not about telling people about my age but about marking a significant point in my life. Maybe this post doesnt offer much but putting one step in front of the other and keep on moving forward I look forward to new seasons.

I’m also honored and blessed to know that starting of my 25th cycle around the sun which also marks a new journey with a special someone. That itself is another testimony for another day. My family and my church fam and YL fam have been extremely important people who journeyed with me through the past twenty-four years. I was always convinced this faith race should never be run alone. We need each other. Having people you can lean on and fall back on shapes and makes you. Rubbing shoulders with one another is tough sometimes but it’s also very rewarding in the end. Excited for the days ahead.