#pursuinggod

1 Samuel 15:13-14 “And Samuel came to Saul: and Saul said unto him, Blessed be thou of the LORD: I have performed the commandment of the LORD. And Samuel said, What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in mine ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?” In reading Saul’s life, Israel’s first king, I find I have more in common than I would care to admit. Saul was chosen when he desired none…

JOWA’S ON QUARANTINE 

I just want to take this time to honor my boyfriend, Jhomar, for being so loving, caring, gentle and patient with me. 🥺💖 And to encourage all the couples out there, and lalo na ang mga single ladies and gentlemen out there.

Bago ko simulan, just an FYI that we're not a perfect couple, but just really praising God for how He has been moving in our lives during this time.

So here...

Since day 1 ng dating namin, hanggang sa ngayon, para pa din nya kong nililigawan. Kahit naman nung magkaibigan pa lang kami during college days namin, nakita ko na kung gano ka-respectful and gentleman si Omay sa mga babae and yun yung isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan (bukod sa pagpapapansin nya 🤭🙄😂).

This quarantine has not been easy for us. Mas matagal pa 'to kesa nung nagbakasyon ako sa states eh. May tampuhan, away or hindi pagkaka-intndihan but praise God na yung mga away na yun e we know na its His way of sanctifying and making us grow more deeper in Him, na we ended up praising Him.

Madaming beses na akong gusto puntahan ni Omay but we both know na hindi pwede. Hindi sa hindi pwede dahil may quarantine, but dahil hindi din kase ganon kaluwag dito sa bahay magpapasok and we respect that lalo na sa nangyayare ngayon na ayaw din naman namin i-risk. But most specially, we also both know that we need to honor our parents. If we will just rely on our flesh or own desires, pagpipilitan namin, but praise God for reminding us on what we should do. Kaya lagi na lang nya ginagawa na lambing is inaasar nya si meme pag magka-video call kami na "Tita, see you on Friday!" which is binibiro nya lang si meme na kunyare pupunta sya. Hahaha. At dahil hindi siya makapunta, ang gagawin na lang nya, isu-surprise niya na lang ako ng mga food delivery. Hindi lang para saken but para na din kay meme. I love how he also love and cares for my family. ♡

Samen dalawa ni Omay, siya yung mas gentle, mapag-pasensya at mapag-kumbaba and I know, hindi naging madali kay Omay i-handle yung katulad ko na girlfriend pero andyan pa din sya. Magmula sa mga topak, mood swing at kung anomang ugali ko na hindi maganda or nakaka-offend, hindi niya ko sinukuan. Sabi ko nga, siya yung 1 Cor 13:4-7 kind of man ko, my answered prayer:

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5 Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. 6 Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. 7 Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.

That was also the same exact verse na pinang-hawakan ko nung sinagot ko sya. Dati akala ko wala na ko makikilala na lalake na tulad ng mga katangian na meron si Omay but pinadala siya ni Lord saken nung least na ineexpect ko. Yung season na naeenjoy ko lang na yung pagiging single ko with the Lord. And yes, I truly believe na God will send you His best when you least expect it. Na alam Niyang hindi ka na mahahatak Sakanya ng kung sinoman dahil alam Niya ng rooted ka Sakanya.

Tulad ng ibang couple, nag-aaway din kami, tipong walang chat or usap ng ilang araw. He respects yung space and time na need ko pag hindi kami okay kase yun yung gusto ko at alam niya na mas magaaway kami if he insist on talking to me. Pabor naman sakanya kase makakapaglaro lang sya. Hahaha. Kidding aside, I guess, eto din siguro yung way ni Lord para mas mag-grow kami hindi lang para sa isa't isa but para na din sa relationship namin Sakanya. May mga bagay na kailangan i-expose si Lord para maitama Niya kami.

At tulad ng ibang couple, napaguusapan na din naman namin ni Omay magpakasal and we are actually praying about it. Syempre if the Lord permits pa din and in His time. But isa na din sa mga realization namin every time na darating kami sa point na nagkaron kami ng hindi pagkakaintidihan e babalik kami sa baka kaya hindi pa talaga time ng next season namin kase madami pa kelangan baguhin si Lord samen, na hindi lang basta basta ang marriage. So instead of feeling disappointed sa mga nangyayare dahil sa mga naudlot na plans, nandun yung grateful pa kami kase we know that what He's doing sa life namin is for our own good.

Ngayon, mas lalo din nagiging malinaw kung bakit si Omay binigay Niya. Bukod sa para ipaalam at iparamdam saken na walang imposible kay Lord, sa mga pinagdadasal nating God's best, alam kong ginagamit Niya si Omay para mas mapabuti ako, yung mga ugali na hindi nakakabuti saken.

Hindi naman po ako sobrang masamang tao ah. Hahaha. Pero kung sa pagiging impatient, mainitin ulo at iritable, yan ang mga pinag-ppray ko na tulungan ako ni Lord. And praise God, with the help of the Holy Spirit as well, through Omay na din on how he treats me, I know na nagagawa ko na siya sa work ko, and kung nagawa ko sa area ng life ko na yun, how much more yung buong area ng buhay ko. Talagang apart from God, I am nothing. Kung wala Siya sa buhay ko, namin, mahirap.

The secrets of our deepest longings -- those stabs of joy, bittersweet pangs of homesickness for a home we've never had, are locked in ordinary moments. But they are also locked in moments of suffering. Moments of disaster. Moments of mournful longing.

Here's a story about this very truth -- the story of a troubled youth who finds a spark, like electric arrows from Heaven pointing to God, in the least likely place: a rock album called "Pop" by a certain Irish band.

This troubled youth once became a high school drop out for a day when he walked out of class in a panic without saying a word to anyone and walked right off campus (which was not allowed, of course). He then experienced (what he later learned) was a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Symptom (something that doctors would diagnose in him a few months later). After he ditched his classes and ran away from his high school he wandered aimless and alone. The terrors and sorrows of certain troubles in his life had stalked him day and night, and finally they found him and sank their sharpest fangs in. That day the youth ended up in an ambulance when something akin to a panic attack paralyzed him (and he thought perhaps it was a heart attack).

As he lay in the ambulance, out the back window he could see stacks of white clouds billowing and drifting like air ships. A sting hit his heart, and he thought of his parents, and he grieved about what the ambulance ride would cost them. He wondered what would happen to him. Was he going to die? He seemed to be feeling better even as the ambulance reached the hospital.

They released him the same day. No one understood what was wrong. It wouldn't be for another few months until a doctor zeroed in on what was happening. (PTSD.) 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is something usually associated with combat veterans, but it is more common than people realize in other situations that aren't necessarily on the battlefield.

So it was not a physical battlefield. But it was an unseen one -- a spiritual battlefield. 

He was promptly removed from school that year, his junior year, and he spent the year in home study -- i.e. where a student completes all of their school work at home. No attending classes. No school trips.  Very little contact with peers. Often alone.

Yet not alone.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." 

In that solitude the love of God came like a warm memory, and, with the lion-like fierceness of Aslan, that Voice of love made a promise to the youth: "I will make these nightmarish stories unravel and turn back until they are untrue, and I will turn back the poison and siphon the night from your lungs so you can breathe again. Just wait patiently. Wait for me."

And in that dim light of waiting, music came, and it was an Irish tenor singing, "Wake up dead man."