I find it useful professionally with adults too - "Did you have a chance to finish that project, or is it more of a next-week item?" When done sincerely (rather than passive-aggressively), it gets over rough ground lightly: it gives the other person a solution you clearly already find acceptable, so they don't have to flail around trying to defend/excuse themselves, they can just take the solution and everyone can move on.

This has been said a thousand times before but the "kink contributes to rape culture" thing is so transparently #stupid especially when you take into account like. Our whole explicitly communicated systems of ensuring consent thing. Meanwhile the whole idea of Normative Sexuality is kind of inherently coercive on some level innit

I have real thoughts about this but I'm too brainfoggy to articulate them further rn so you're getting a joke instead: I'm gonna start telling people you can't consent to vanilla sex under patriarchy

The idea that there is a particular way you're *supposed* to be touched and like it sounds pretty bad when you put it like that doesn't it? I've had to thoroughly deprogram myself from cishetero normative ideas about what sex even *is* in order to feel remotely normal about my body & sexuality. Talking to more trans/lesbian/ace/kinky people (in any combination of the four) teaches you you're allowed to say no, to anything, for any reason. But carefully negotiated pre-planned theater riffing on real world power structures for fun is scary so it must be the deviant perverts that are the problem and not, like, normal men in real life

& the thing about people practicing kink unsafely/under-negotiated is that it *does* happen but in the kink community these people are universally regarded as Doing It Wrong. And that type of behavior is still running straight people software (i.e. it's usually misogyny) & this violation of boundaries via assuming they can do whatever they want to someone else's body would still be just as bad if it was vanilla, actually ! Do you know how many people have problems with painful penetration and just go along with it anyway cause they feel like they have to ??????? God

I've *had* a shitty little online-boyfriend doing kink wrong and having access to the broader community and actual Education about it etc has been infinitely more helpful than any amount of pervert-shunning discourse. Like the roleplay being freaky was kind of the least harmful thing going on there, actually

Tapping the sign cause the notes are getting weird on a different post I made. Carefully negotiated pre-planned theater riffing on abuses of power could not be any further from how real shit works, actually. Especially the ones you don't like. The problem with sexual abuse is that it's *real* and *not consensual*. That's kinda the whole fucking thing, yeah?