well meeting my metamores ALMOST happened.. it was supposed to take place in a pub that was showing the football, and it was so loud inside that i had to immediately leave as soon as i'd entered. which actually took ages bc they had to put two ramps out to get me in.. i very briefly met one of the husbands of one of my dom's partners, but i couldnt hear a word he said and i probably looked like a deer in headlights. my dom took me out of there and to a nearby park where we just sat n talked for a few hours, much preferable to the wall of noise happening in the pub. i asked my dom, what is the appeal of having conversations in a room where you can't hear what anyone else is saying? and they were like. sweetheart i could hear perfectly well in that room, sound sounds different to you than it does to most people. fucked up if true

i need to shower and then im going to meet some of my metamores for the first time. it's all very exciting, meeting new people and forming new bonds, but i've been wishing this week that i had more people around who ive known for longer. a lot of the people i knew pre-abuse-reveal or during-abuse-escape have just vanished from my life. obvs the big one being my ex best friend. i feel like my life has been cut into chunks of time, and for so many of those chunks i'm the only one still around who remembers it. either because of death or estrangement or breakups or reptures in friendships. my oldest surviving friendship rn is 6 years old, and the next odlest one is like. 3 or 4 years. i feel contextless! there's no one but me to notice how much i've changed over the past decade. and in meeting all these new people, so often these are fleeting interactions that don't persist to become meaningful bonds. all i can do is keep moving forwards until, hopefully, i can eventually have those long-held relationships again.

also my local council have responded to my financial assessment, where i gave them reciepts for every single thing i have spent money on in the past few months that is disability related, by saying they also need me to somehow provide proof that each of those things is a disability related cost. and no they havent said how i would do that. they did say that they want a letter from a doctor describing why each of my medications is medically necessary tho. which, my gp will charge for writing letters like that. do you think they'll let me put that down as a disability related expense or not 🌝

the power mesh bra is close enough to being done to try on and oh my god. there will be casualties if i wear this around anyone