vintage alien ᯓ★

(chronically ill & disabled version)

reading ⋆ listening ⋆ watching ✫ mindlessly watching gaming streams & long form content on Youtube… ✫ was SO excited to dig into The Backrooms movie but due to some very similar recent personal experiences alluded to + depicted in the film, I am having quite a hard time engaging w/ content & media commentary about it without having actual physically jarring panic attacks, whahoo (probably due to how my Autistic mind processes traumatic events/life changes) ✫ NHPR investigative journalism podcast series from the Document team ➝ learning abt fedral/state wildlife + gaming laws AND abt the New Hampshire men’s prison system that my father is just barely entering himself, yikes! lol ✫ my copy of The (Backrooms) Yellow Wallpaper zine designed by Kane Parsons arrived (my 1st ever A24 purchase, and probably my last given the recent AI contract, lol…) eating ⋆ drinking ✫ surviving on sunflower butter + apple slices/dairy free yogurt/apple sauce/gluten free muffins + fried eggs (not great, but not nothing in regards to nourishment) ✫ relying on a rotation of Trader Joe’s pre-cooked meats and packaged pre-cut vegetables (fearing that there is a histamine response due to packaging… but I need this food system to work for me so badly…) creating ⋆ playing ✫ my sister closest in age to me (18 months) came to visit from Australia and we got Tamagotchi Connections like we had as kids !! took her to Books Kinokuniya (living overseas she now has irl context for my lifelong interests, lol) ✫ insomnia has me in its grasp but all I am capable of atm is playing Fallout 4… does not inspire a lot of hope in the soul tbh ✫ I put on a cute outfit & went to a real life pride party inside somebody’s apartment !! I was finally able to get myself somewhere new + meet my partners friends/actually talk with some of them ( for the first time in years, I socialized) admiring ⋆ obsessing ✫ artist Sophie Jackson’s mixed media paintings about family conflict ✫ rlly into: merfolk !!! centaurs !!! (modern day colorful fun adaptations, but also creepier dark fantasy art) ➝ artist Tina Yu’s pastel centaur figurine sculptures ✫ replaced our clear shower liner w/ an iridescent curtain !! ✫ my partner gifted me an outfit set by BlackBerry x sunonebird w/ collared top and longer shorts ➝ my big step towards integrating louder pieces into my existing small, colorful wardrobe practicing ⋆ learning ✫ mitigating my ACAB sentiments as I navigate police and jail systems bc of my father's actions; finally regrettably utilizing what I’ve researched for years ✫ realizing in real time how many other people at the Dyke March were using mobility aids (either peoples own cool looking wheelchairs/crutches, etc or the rental transport chairs the march provided) and feeling an actual sense of community around other disabled people for maybe the first time ever