Quicksilver Peregrine

Gray Voice: Okay. I have zero understanding of how this human sexual dimorphism stuff works anyway. Like, do males have more colorful and longer plummage or something?

Gray Voice, later: (scared shitless that he screwed something up raising her) Wait shit shit according to this medical data we got on shared Federation network, for a human girl your age your hormones are WAY out of whack.

Gray Voice: Take these pills, they should lower your testosterone and boost your estrogen.

@takemetoturch

But then! Dig a little deeper, and it’s all “yeah, there are two moons, but they aren’t really moons, they’re the corpse of the god who tricked all the other gods into creating the world, and mortals just interpret them as moons”, and “an entire race created technology that runs on souls, and they accidentally erased themselves from existence while trying to become gods, well at least that’s our best guess” and “some dudes replaced their hearts with plants and you can pickpocket the plant-heart right out of their chest” and “here’s a weapon that sometimes turns your enemies into pastries”. 

The Hist are alien ‘trees’ that crash landed on Nirn after their planet was destroyed. They exist outside of time as we know it really and drink memory as if it were water. They are only nerfed by the fact they don’t have hands, a fact they fixed by tricking lizards into eating them, permanently altering their biology so that they resembled the man races and uplifting them into a sentient race of their own that is dependant on them to procreate.

This one time a monkey got SO MAD at god he and his human friends danced so hard it broke time for 1,000 years (which to everyone else felt like one night) and at the end they had deleted god and replaced him with a new, furry approved version.

If you wish upon a star, it might just come to earth and kill you. The constellations themselves are actually living, breathing beings and they fucking hate us bro, they are sick of our shit.

The first emperor used his giant mecha to take over the continent. The second TES game deals with a bunch of warring factions and you gift only one of them the mecha at the end. Canonically the game ended with time itself breaking and every faction paradoxically having the mecha at the same time. Not multiple mecha, the same single one. Afterwards all factions were at peace with one another.

One of the most powerful living wizards created multiple female clones of himself to have sex with. He’s also friends with the last dwarf, who was fucking around in another dimension when all the other dwarves vanished.

If you’re a TES NPC and you suspect that you are a video game character that shouldn’t have consciousness, you blip out of existence instantly. This may or may not be what happened to the dwarves. If you somehow reconcile that contradiction you become a god.

The emperor last used his giant mecha to conquer the elves. The elves surrendered in an hour, but the mecha fucked up time so hard that the battle lasted thousands of years. It’s still happening, right now, in a pocket dimension of time. The elves to this day still have to send their best mages to that pocket dimension to fight the emperor’s god-mecha, to stop their capital from being retroactively destroyed.

All the dragons you see in skyrim are drakes, or male dragons. Female dragons, called jills, basically act as temporal repairmen, fixing time when it gets all wonky by singing to it. They have a rivalry with the Hist, who also “fix” time when it gets wonky to make sure that things are fated to go their way.

b/c i didn’t sign up in time, my secret samol this year is just a pinch-hit i put a lot of love into. here’s the chime being a big awful family while on not-twitter