i miss reading

At least my instant turn offs that are Dude Things are "is an egotistical manchild that doesn't like the word no" and "has a chronic case of useless husband disorder" and "treats the women in his life poorly".

Genuinely, the straight men OP is talking about are the type that has such a poor vocabulary, they literally don't have the tools to describe relationships. Those traits, the laté snaps, septum piercing, cat ear headphones, those are all stand-ins for character types that they're unable to describe using specific terms.

Lots of men grow up with this idea that they're supposed to die in battle; men get off the Titanic last, so they find meaning in "being of service" in a "manly" way. This is usually accomplished by working jobs that destroy them, also resulting in utter neglect of their education and relationships. The whole "tradwife" attitude revolves around this idea that "since men are socially disposable, but also sensitive creatures, the female conpanions in their lives should notice their hardships, appreciate their sacrifices, and support them by making up for their deficits."

I shouldn't need to outline how fucking flawed that worldview is, but it's a common one that many men internalize.

So you get these "poor, hard done by" men who see their daily misery as some fucked up noble sacrifice, and who generally don't spend time enjoying life outside of destructive, manly persuits like after work drinking, womanizing, or drugs. Or sports, because that's a proxy for masculine violence, and another avenue to destroy your body and ""die in battle.""

They don't know how to relax, they don't know how to enjoy their own company, they don't know how to manage a household, they develop unhealthy attitudes and coping mechanisms, their relationships are all based on money, their routines revolve around work and nothing else, and their home lives and family dynamics suffer as a consequence.

What's laté snap girl doing, really? She's cultivating an online following, she's slowing down to note small details that please her, she's taking time for herself to enjoy a moment. If these men did that, they'd suddenly be confronted with the emptiness of their lives, the futility of capitalism, their substance use problems, and the various aches and pains thay riddle their bodies, as a result of their flawed lifestyle.

So, these men construct a type; the anti-their lfiestyle type, that's empowered, educated, and self interested. This type finds meaning in others and in themselves, not in lives based on imagined noble self-sacrifice. This type has blue hair and piercings, is aware of social issues and patriarchy, is independant and self regulates well, and doesn't put up with the "poor him" attitudes of the shitty men out there.

As a result, "women with cat ear headphones" represent anti-matter to the "poor him" bros, and they can't use more specific language to describe this, because that would require awareness of their pathetic worldviews and systemic disfunction in their lives.

Folks, I'm not saying these men are Secretly Gay or Ace or Aro or anything. I'm calling them misogynists with shitty worldviews. I'm saying that for all that a heterosexual man is supposed to like women, it seems like guys like this mostly just like vag and tit and not, you know, the human beings attached to those body parts.

And no, this is not restricted to online. Actually what made me make this post was a song in which a band I like was making fun of guys like this, said song has played on the radio and had a verse that was more or less "I went on this date with this girl and she was perfect until she started to take pictures of her latte so I'm ghosting her because I can't stand her anymore". And while they're playing up the dramatics for the point of the song (which is, again, to make fun of dudes who act like this) I've heard enough comedy routines and tv/movie scripts and radio hosts and podcasts and college students walking by to have heard this in passing in real life and not simply in the depths of reddit and 4chan. I've heard politicians and celebrities and professors and news anchors doing this. This isn't a showcase of "the worst of" Facebook comments in a circle jerk group that posts exclusively women they think are ugly for existing as a human being.

Because a lot of these dudes ARE using "blue haired leftists" as a shorthand for a personality type. The problem is that the personality type they're saying they dislike is, largely, "woman who won't be a tradwife mommy maid who exists solely in my sexual power fantasies".