A Muppet Of A Man

in my own sisyphian torture im actually allowed to leave as soon as i roll the boulder up the hill but every time i almost get there i run back down to the bottom to make sure i took the boulder with me

a friend with a boyfriend is a type of dead wife

in a world where happy rich people sell the discontent lower class the lie that money cant buy you happiness it is at least reassuring to know that our sole trillionaire is the most pathetic, unloved, miserable, alone human being on the planet, and that NOTHING could make him happy. get fuckeddd lol

If I was a muppet would you use your superior size and strength to hold me down? Mm, pin me by the back of my neck while I squirm and flail? I'm trying to tell jokes about the situation, as I am an object of entertainment by nature, but I'm stammering and tripping over my words as your fingers dance around the edge of my muppet hole. Ah, it's starting to self-lubricate. The audience is laughing. Are you going to put your hand in? Make me dance? I can't breathe. I miss my wife

On the topic of seam ripper play in erotic muppet fanfiction, I also just kind of wish I was made of a material that someone else could gently rip apart at the edges and reshape me in a some sort of different arrangement. God made me in his own divine image but I am not divine and divinity burns me. I see the people who have pulled at their own threads and made themselves into something really beautiful, and I see them nod at each other in solidarity and understanding, but they do not see me as I silently scream to them from the ground. I am an unmoving puppet and I need another's hands to grant me permission to become myself. I am trapped in a body that burns me and I lack both the hands to undo its seams and the mouth to cry out in pain. I do not know how to stop smiling. Man you KNOW the muppets got sooo freaky backstage

I think it would be fun to go full out with “1001 Arabian Nights” orientalized fictional New York setting. It’s somehow always the 20s, and 80s and also contemporary. There’s depression era gangsters and Wall Street finance bros. Spider-man or the Teen Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles might show up. The Mayor is never named but is a constantly felt presence. Sometimes the World Trade Centres are there, sometimes they’re not.

Batman the animated series

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time

time to feel sick about every decision i’ve ever made in my entire life

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible