welcome to hell, hows your day?

they call me the information withholder for reasons i won't get into

rice fried shrimp

in a way i am my own dead wife

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

Ngl if Shang Qinghua pulled baby Binghe out of the river and attempted to babytrap Mobei Jun with him, Mobei Jun would believe him. So what the baby looks nothing like either of them, they’ve never had sex, and it isn’t even an ice demon. Qinghua is just that powerful.

cock reveal in 12,000 years

11,999 years

11,998 years

guy who really likes bagels: hmmm... i bagely remember that...

Still playing octopath traveler for anyone who cares lmao

dead wife montage but it's a henchman reminiscing about da boss after he got put six feet under. picking flowers before hiding the bodies, wiping cocaine from your nose after a big night, that long drive down the beach to find the bookie who squealed. where did the days go

I love it when the kids animated movie ends with some wacky character going "dance partayyy" and then a GREAT song starts to play and everyone is going absolutely nuts! And even better yet, the grumpy one of the group almost looks like he's not going to join in... but sike! then he does! and he boogies down just like everyone else, haha, even that ol' lump of coal can let loose every now and then, ey?

Wait what? Even the bad guys are starting to join in? That... I did not see coming, oh my days! I think this is going to be a night to remember boys.

if you've ever gone on a romantic "date" at olive garden just block me rn i literally can't deal with you proshippers -_-

what

when you're there you're family

honestly getting cozy in bed is one of the top experiences one can have on this green earth

the word “sabotage” is p much short for “fucking shit up with a wooden shoe”

what

oh my god

well wooden shoe look at that

I’M FUCKING CRYING AT THAT PUN BE MY FRIEND PLEASE