Quark

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

HAPPY BIG TWENTY NEIL

does anyone have that 4chan post about the guy who got like. deradicalised from being an incel because he started taking care of shrimp?

I talk to basically everything as if it's a person. I greet passing crows as my "cousins." I respond conversationally to my cats. I yell "same to you!" when inanimate objects make loud noises. I say good morning to plants. I thank my phone when an alarm goes off. When objects don't act the way I want them to I explain what I need them to do, or tell them they're being rude. I tell my car when we're stopping for gas.

I reassure credit card readers who are struggling that I know they are doing their best. Bless you, you funky lil machine, I'm sorry my dad is part of the reason people hate you. :(

I'll be stealing that one and that one and that one, thank you very much!

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

World Heritage Post

Official ominous sign (apparently translates to "Sorry", in a sincere way)

OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THEM

- deletes your save files

- enter a pokemon battle

- eyes fall off

-I bite yo face off

- I noclip into the ground to avoid eye contact

-I take your face like a fairy and assume your identity

- you are reduced to data