Current Task: Beat Up The Drunken Asshole

sims 4 patch notes will be like “fixed an issue where harvesting carrots caused toddlers to explode” then you load the game and all your sims are bald

the man who packs his suitcase like he’s going to shit himself every day is a fool every trip but one

grasps this in my big fat red palms and drinks the entire thing in one really loud gulp

I don't fucking want it then?

"character deserved better" (but they were never going to get it that's the stuff great tragedies are made of) vs "character deserved better" (but the writers really blew it)

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My heart was heavier than the feather; I am sentenced to Rainforest Cafe

to this day many people refer to william shakespeare only as “The Barge” because he was huge and floated

I have one of these and I keep it in my IT toolkit because that teeny little screwdriver is the right side for laptop casings, but because it lives inside a large object it’s harder to misplace than a standard tiny screwdriver. Also because the look on a client’s face when you bring out a brass hammer to fix their laptop is absolutely wild.