Psychotic Safe Place

i know now i need help but i’m really scared to ask for it.. i’ve had therapists and psychiatrists before (dont have either because i moved but i’m looking into getting both again asap) but in comparison to other things i’ve gotten help from them before, bringing these kinda things up is really really terrifying and i’m dreading what the outcome could be (especially because i have to talk to my parents about it before i talk to the doctors and i’ve been trying to keep this under wraps for a really long time)

i guess what i’m asking is if i could get any advice or good luck wishes or affirmation that it’s gonna be okay.. i’m scared that i’m gonna get strapped to a hospital bee or something and i just wanna hear from someone who’s gone through this or felt the way i do that it’s gonna be okay or at least be told what happens when people find out/treatment starts so i’m not surprised haha

uh sorry about the ramble thank you so much for any help or advice you give.. /gen

Never apologize for a ramble, I am a certified yapper!

Reading this feels like looking back on my own journey. I can't remember a time before my symptoms, but they ramped up dramatically when I was in middle school and everything changed for me.

Thats why you can trust me when i tell you its going to be ok. The things you're afraid of are things I was afraid of. The conversations you are going to have to have are ones I've had too. Going through this can be wicked scary and it is so reasonable for you to be nervous, but the fact that you are starting this journey means you are already closer to a healthier and happier you. Even admitting that it's time to talk to someone is progress, and I am so proud of you for being brave enough to take that first step.

I know how bleak and hopeless it can feel sometimes and how huge these problems are, the weight of them and how hard it can be to carry it. I've been there. I just want to impart on you my hope and my joy. As someone who has been on a million medications and gone to so much therapy and done blood draws and MRIs and scans and everything else, the path can seem so so long, but there is light at the end. I never thought I'd be as happy as I am now in my whole life. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm here and life is so good. If I can make it, so can you.

I'm not sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but I just want you to know that this is not something that is going to end your story. Whatever happens next, this is not going to be a death sentence. You can still be happy and fulfilled and whole. Things might be hard, and they might be hard for a long time, but it's worth it. Don't lose hope in that.

You can do this. You're so strong and so brave for having dealt with this and I hope opening up about it allows you to put some of the weight down, to hand part of it over to someone else to make your life a little easier.

I'm 27 today!! I never ever thought I'd live to see this many birthdays, yall, and with even more to come!! We're surviving and living past what we expect to be the end of our stories

Living my best life, so so glad I stuck around instead of ending it, genuinely happy to be here

Hi there!

I think that a lot of symptoms that effect psychotic people, especially the symptoms that present in a physical way (movements, expressions etc) can show up pretty regularly outside of a psychotic episode. Just because you're not in an active episode doesn't mean that the whole kit and caboodle goes away. My personal experience with disorganized speech is limited and it hasn't been one of the symptoms that have really played an active role in my life, but that's been my experience with it. Its a very personalized thing, going through psychosis/schizospec disorders.

On that tangent, it makes sense to me that its been hard to pick apart your speech to figure out what is disorganized speech and what is your quirks, but these things mix, they blend. You are a result of everything in your life all jumbled up to create your unique life experience and your psychosis is no different. It doesnt have to be a bad thing either, it can just be a thing, you know?

But as soon as a IRL person has the same problems they treat them with disgust? And subhuman while still glazing a fictional character?

We need to stop letting people romanticize disorders, or gatekeep fictional characters with disabilities and disorders at this point.

I have jumped into too many fandom spaces and seeing this shit and knowing more than one person who has demonized me for having disorders I can’t help and then gushing over disabled characters.

Small vent, but yeah-

Not the only one at all. Its so annoying to have depictions of us being fetishized or woven into some beautiful tragedy when we are real and receive judgement for the very things that make fiction characters so compelling to these people.

Hi!

The way it was explained to me when I got my diagnosis was that schizophrenia and schizoaffective are very close, but that schizoaffective is characterized with a mood element (depression or bipolar disorder) as well as the psychotic symptoms that are in schizophrenia, making schizoaffective something of a package deal.

Hi!

Absolutely!

Depression can honestly be stacked with pretty much any mental illness, but there's also some that have it built in with the psychotic experience. I'm schizoaffective with the depressive type as opposed to bipolar, so I am also prone to periods of intense depression.

Its frustrating when there's no reason, but you come by it honestly and its not your fault if your brain is continually handing you depression. Psychosis and depression often have intersections where they meet and I have had a very similar experience to yours, along with knowing others with similar struggles. Youre not alone in this!