this is superconnected

I love power lines and cemeteries and guitars and long grass and denim and ferns and train tracks and figs and flannel and dogs and oceans and synthesizers and bruises and hrt and paint and cassettes and glass bottles and fog and lighters and wildflowers and pickup trucks and dead logs and knives and streetlights and libraries and strangers and wires and stains and buses <3

Lonelyyyyyy

I have got to stop changing my blog theme

I have a lot of issues with "neurodivergent spaces" chief of which is that a lot of the time they do not actually take into account people with significant support needs or impairments. I have level 2 autism and relatively low support needs but even so I've found that a lot of communities that advertise themselves as neurodivergent-friendly or even neurodivergent-focused still do not know how to react to or accommodate me. People will get uncomfortable with obvious stimming; I often am urged to replace bigger or more obvious stims like rocking or (gently) hitting myself with smaller, more socially acceptable stims (like using fidget toys). People will also respond with distress and confusion if you actually need accommodations beyond like being allowed to fidget or wear headphones. And god forbid you have a meltdown or otherwise "act out" because they will have no fucking clue what to do with you and will either ignore you, frantically try and get you to stop while actively making things worse, or just make fun of you. It's just so tiring to like. Seek out places and communities of people like you and find time and time again that you are not actually welcome, because you're not neurodivergent (quirky and cool) but rather neurodivergent (legitimately disabled). Like idk. What I'm trying to say is that if your "neurodivergent space" is not prepared for people who are genuinely, significantly disabled by their neurodivergence it's not actually for neurodivergent people as a whole, it's just for those with low enough support needs. Which. Spoiler alert. Not actually very neurodivergent-friendly if that is the case.

I hate how desperate I get for physical contact and intimacy it makes me feel really pathetic

Been considering dating and/or hookup apps for a few months at this point and there's like two things stopping me. One is that I don't have any pictures of myself that I actually like. Two is that I want a proper friend group or at least more than one good friend before I start dating and/or fucking people. The second is progressing very nicely as I have sorta made some friends at college and my social anxiety has for some reason significantly decreased lately but I still need to figure out the picture situation.

I've been meaning to get started with the whole top surgery process since I was like fifteen but have just. never actually done that. I always intend to get it done "next summer" but then I never actually.. schedule it... so its been like five years of me putting it off lol

I have got to get into perfumes and teas and cooking and sewing and playing bass and LIVING MY LIFE!!!!