فلا وعود ولا وعید

fuck you (runs your cast iron pan through a dishwasher cycle)

Not a day passes where my wife and I don’t quote this

If you don’t like me the delete your blog. I’m better than you and this site is mine.

Neither one of them remembers what the context was anymore, but at some point, Dennis texted Trinity that she was his best friend. Trinity keeps a screenshot of that message in a private folder on her phone for nights when her bad thoughts get too loud. Because sometimes, the only thing stopping her is the thought that she can't do to him what her old best friend did to her

I need to be fucked soon or else I think I might genuinely explode

girl vampires are so cool we need more girl vampires in general

and like. girl vampires who are given the same kind of depth as male vampires of reconciling their own monstrous desires with how human they still are or not. and not like. vapid sexy temptresses or whatever. they have their time and place but i want a girl vampire desperately gripping the sink looking into the mirror just to see what isnt there anymore

its 10 AM on a weekday .

Isn't there an industrial boiler you're supposed to be maintaining

why are the lesbians of tumblr not sending me asks every second of the day expressing their deep perversion and undying love

@ominous-signs

Official ominous sign

wearing two cursed amulets to manipulate them into competing with each other for ownership of my soul and unintentionally improving my life in their attempts to seduce me

hiring two duplicitous advisors with opposing agendas to manipulate them into hatefucking each other in front of me while i fujo out about it

it's not a "love triangle" it's a business opportunity with benefits

The upside to the adhd forgetting that you made yourself a drink thing is thinking to yourself “man I could go for a drink right now” and looking to your right and seeing a drink has appeared there. Thank you, past me. I lost you somewhere but you have still provided.