Probably Mad

yeah I'm gonna go take a shut the fuck up and go the to sleep for an entire day pills.

There was this Sniper that wanted me to follow him and kept calling for me so I followed and I kept wanting to say something but I felt too embarrassed and I kept making stupid squealing noises that sounded like a sad puppy off mic and there were like a group of them I that healing and I felt appreciated, also there was a Heavy and he was cool and nice too and I felt useful and I was so fucking cringe, and I felt overwhelmed so I decided to leave. I'm just like "yay! They want my presence" Which, well of course, I was playing Medic, but my stupid delusional and sleep deprived head I was like "I am invited to hang out with the cool kids! They want me to hang with them! I AM WANTED! I AM WANTED!!!!!!!" Yeah Mad, take your sleepy pill and get some sleep, you're starting to act really weird.

zzzzzzzzz.... Sniper......zzzzzzz..... TF2 zzzzzzzzzzzz........ adorable..... zzzzzzzzzzzz...... mimimi.........

I have an idea for a drawing but if I decide to make it and post it, while it's not something completely morally reprehensible, it will definitely weird out the majority of people who follow me and then some. If I post it you better promise not to freak out. You can find it uncomfortable, find it weird, shocking, or out of character. But PLEASE try to feel put off with me completely because of it.

Unlike other characters I obsess over, I think what makes Sniper seem particularly comforting is he wouldn't be as judgmental with stuff such as dealing with homelessness, and idk I like to think he wouldn't be as dismissive or judging for my addiction issues compared to my other favorite characters and blorbos. Or who knows, I could be completely wrong on thinking that. Once I learn more about him I can come to a proper conclusion on how he'd react to knowing that issue. Perhaps he feels familiar as things about him remind me of certain people, experiences, and other attachments in my life. Hell, there's a lot of things that remind me of my father that makes me feel safe and secure. Which is hilarious as I found out my dad apparently mained Sniper back when he used to play the game around when it came out. idk it may be some Freud type shit where I'm specifically attached ad attracted to people who remind me of my father. Not in a weird way, just that certain traits, habits, hobbies, lifestyles, and quirks make me feel at ease. Plus with my dad is out east so I'm trying to find things to replace the void and to deal with having to live with someone who does care as much and can be actively harmful on my mental health and self worth. I crave attention and to be listened to, instead of only cared about when it's something that benefits her or specifically what she wants to do. Sorry, this rant is getting too long. Idk, I would rather make the best with what I can, even if its difficult or not much. While I do have shelter and security and it's a miracle that my mom allows me to stay here free until I can get a job and start contributing to funds and bills, which what she wants me to contribute is very little. Though it just all makes me feel kinda bad. I feel so much more lonely and isolated and depressed here compared to when I was homeless and sleeping in the car with my dad by my side through it all. So that's what I'm getting at, Sniper reminds me of that simplicity and shared struggle and resource management that I didn't feel alone despite uncertainty and everything crumbling and falling apart around me, through the trauma I wasn't alone and I was seen and heard and appreciated for just existing and pushing forward. Idk, does any of this make sense or am I talking the balls off a rinosaurus and making no sense.

I like that Sniper is from somewhere that also has a warm climate. He's probably more used to heat than I am as I'm still getting used to the heat where I live now. It's misery, but we can sweat like crazy and melt under the miserable, unforgiving wrat of the summer sun. It's a 100 degrees Fahrenheit where I am. UGhhhh it's miserable during the night as well. No mercy. bleh

Every time someone draws Sniper with his face lines, an angel gets its wings, and an orphan gets adopted into a loving family, and a war ends, and a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, and a homeless person gets a home, and a baby says its first words, and-