Project 1404

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I can't believe I forgot about this wonderful blog. Well, I can. I've had an amazing year and I'm not surprised this wasn't at the forefront of my mind - although I do wish I had more of a documentation of what I've done.

I don't really know what to write about here. I never got that fantasy novel done - I barely had time to sleep at Oxford (which is where I've ended up), let alone write a book!

Chemistry's amazing. I'm not a genius. It's really hard. But it's fascinating. 

Oxford's a beautiful place. And it has some amazing people, which I should dedicate a whole post to. Maybe a whole post each. Hell, maybe a whole blog each. These guys are awesome.

I'm in Edinburgh, on internship right now. Having a rocking time. Just not at the job.

I've made some mistakes over the past year, and I'm worried I'm making them now. But, no regrets if I'm happy at the time, hey? 

I think I'll have to catch up with everything else I've written about previously in later posts - it's so much fun to read it all through now. It puts a smile on my face.

I hope you have one on yours.

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Last night was amazing.

This morning was not.

I had some serious fun, and I've realised a few of the things that make me happy. I also had a really great talk with a friend who I've always really liked, but only recently got to know very well. He has a really cool outlook on life, and is a bit unsure in a similar way to me. 

So today, I haven't got much to rant about. Besides the fact that buses run to my village ridiculously rarely. 

Short post again. I might go search through the tumblosphere and find some cool things to reblog. I hope this post finds anyone who reads it as content as I feel, and if it does, please, please believe me when I say it. gets. better.

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Having to write earlier in the day today, and I'm due to be going out this evening. It's a good friend of mine's birthday party, and although he hates his birthday, we're determined to change that this year! (Yes I recognise we're likely to fail, but having been through what he's going through (to a much lesser degree) I just want him to know that there are people there for him).

So that's my big event for milestone day - not necessarily the wildest thing I could do, but I'm pretty sure this party will be a little different to those in the past. 

Now, I also need to set myself a target for the next 100 days. I was considering this for a while, and I'm anxious about what I've chosen. It's pretty generic goal but I've been thinking about this for a while.

I want to start writing a book. It will definitely be fantasy-themed, as that's all I've thought about. I've got some ideas written down about themes and characters, but nothing solid. By the end of the next 100 days I want to have written either the first chapter, or character profiles for 6 of the characters. If I do both, I shall reward myself with something yet to be decided.

100 days to do this... might actually force me to do something!

I'm looking forward to tonight! Hopefully all will go as planned and I might not need a bucket... but to be honest, some of my best nights have required a bucket.

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Oop, this is a bit of a cheat, and technically the next day. I'm an hour or so late, sorry!

I was out this evening, seeing the latest and last cornetto trilogy film. I really enjoyed it, but I don't want to give any spoilers so I shan't go into any more detail.

This one is likely going to wind up as a rant about other people and relationships. Feel free to stop reading now.

I've been burned badly by relationships these past couple years. Long story short, one turned Christian and hated me, one I was deeply in love with just decided one day to end it, and one pretended to move to Australia... just to break up with me. 

I didn't think I was that batshit crazy, and there are people in my life who I would trust to tell me if I was - and they haven't. I'm sure I'll go through the long stories behind those above at a later date, but for now, I'm going to focus on a current dilemma.

I'd decided to just have fun this summer, with random club encounters a must. This has happened once. And I think I've accidentally built up a friendship with the guy. He's lovely though, and I hope to see him some more. 

I've also built up a friends-with-benefits relationship with one of my close (female) friends. This is something I've done once before in the past - but now I'm in a much better place to take advantage of it, and I'm having a lot of fun.

The major complicating factor is a really good (male) friend, who I know would like something more. I think I would too, but ultimately, I'm not looking for any ties - whereas he has never done relationships before so is probably looking for something more serious.

Messy times! Ahh well, shall sort something out. Big post tomorrow! 

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I'm home! Also exhausted. This will likely be a short post.

I met some really cool people today, some people I would love to meet again, even though I'm unlikely to. A really wide spread! From South Africa to Poland to Sheffield. 

I also found an old love note in a book I'd take to read with me. Heartwarming to read now, and only a touch of bittersweet. More about the amazing person who wrote it and how they changed my life soon.

Anyway, since the hotel I stayed in had workmen outside the window til 1:30 and again from 5, I'm pretty knackered. Sorry this is such a short one, I shall post some interesting shizwiz to make up for it at a later date.

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I'm in Sheffield! Which is a long way from home. Doing an assessment thingy for a possible scholarship, we'll see how it goes.

On the way up here I was reading the New Scientist - this week, the cover story was about depression and its treatment.

Whilst it was a very informative article, I couldn't help be intrigued and concerned about the things they didn't say. Whilst there was mention of what was "wrong" (chemically imbalanced) about depressed people, there was no mention of what causes it - or if you can be predisposed to it, or if it is just psychological. 

I really, really worry about using the term "depressed"... especially as I have to preface it with "self diagnosed"... but I think whatever I went through, it may well have been a form of that.

All I know is that things slowly got numb, and now they aren't any more, it's freaking wonderful, and makes me appreciate life so much more. Other people experience depression differently, and yet the article seemed to suggest that the different types of depression were merely due to different levels of the same chemical imbalance. Can this really be true of what seems to be such a diverse illness?

I am in no way an expert in these matters, but it really made me think. Another worrying mention was that people who have experienced a depressed episode are much more likely to do so again - and suggesting that the chemical imbalance causes permanent, physical damage to the brain. Scary. "Damaged" takes on a whole new meaning.

Anyway, happy things! Had an excellent game of football with my gorgeous cat before I left home. Good time in a now much milder climate, thankfully. 

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I was thinking about how my next few weeks pan out. As a post-college pre-university UK 18 year old... The graph of my stress levels is increasing exponentially. Results day represents a day that will change my life, or at the very least determine its nature for the next few years.

So what exactly will it determine? I'm hoping to study Chemistry at university - and will be studying for 4 years. That's where the 1404 thing comes into play. Estimating that I will finish by the 1st June, 2017, that's the day I will be proper grown up. At least, I may be proper grown up. A whole damn lot more than right now, I hope!

I've hardly had the best couple of years... Something I may explore later in this blog. For now, though, I'm looking forward. 1404 days really doesn't sound like a very long time to me... I'm determined to make the absolute best of it.

So I'm setting myself some rules to make me do this. And using this blog as a documentation. 

RULES

Every round 50 days, something super fun must happen, ie, at 1400, 1350, 1300... etc.

I must write (here) about something that's been good every day - so I have to actively go and do something. Bonus points for pictures. There's going to be a lot of cat.

I want to meet new people. I'm setting myself the target of 500 people by the end of this project. Details of what counts to come.

Every 100 days I will set myself a challenge to accomplish by the next 100... First to come at 1400 days.

Give complete and utter support to all my friends. And even just anyone I can help.

Stop talking to some of the more toxic influences in my life. Some people just aren't good for me, and I can try to help them but they just don't respect me enough to do the same back. I won't be unpleasant but they need to take a much less major role in my life.

There we have it... Let's hope this all works out for the best.

If anyone ever reads this, I invite you to join me on this endeavor. Either by making your own projectdays, or by taking on the spirit that life is short and needs to be grasped.

People so regularly sign these kind of things "peace out!"... But I don't think that's the key to life. Not even necessarily happiness. I hope nobody takes this in a dirty way (who am I kidding, this is Tumblr!), but-

Keep feeling everything. The highs and the lows are all part of the ride, and I'm sure as hell not wasting that entrance fee.