Mary

He confuses me I wish I could really see But he’s shrouded in mystery He keeps it that way so he doesn’t get hurt But he underestimates me

A glance across the room No one knows except you and I Watching his eyes deliberately dodging mine He can’t handle the intensity He can’t handle the intimacy Not wanting to give in Sin Admit what is within But, he underestimates me

He makes me wonder in the subtleties Does anyone else see what’s between you and me? Hidden in plain sight, not even a disguise Cause no one would predict you and I He can read me like a book Already on page 500, just today It’s beginning to get old Before the story has even been told He’s scared of what this could be Every possibility He underestimates me

He sneaks looks as I’m far away But I’ll never catch him He’s sophisticated that way He hears the words I speak when I’m too far away He hears every single thing I say But he doesn’t want it this way Not today

He isn’t ready for the complexities He thinks it’s just a fantasy An idealised vision in my mind An unknown that’s untrue He underestimates me

No one can feel this tension between us Unable to look each other in the eyes Blue from denial Hidden behind the smiles But I know I make him want to sin And just give in To all his hearts desires’ He underestimates me

He sees my face throughout his daily life I’m so inescapable But so is he I can make him feel like he’s winning Show him what he’s been missing But he underestimates me

And he’s telling me I’ll wait for you but I don’t like the state I’m putting you through

Because I can’t say yes, I can’t say no, simply stuck here in limbo

I hate the games I play

I hate the way I say

I wish I could take this all the way

Cause what are you willing to lose boy

What are you willing to lose?

Don’t drag me down here

Because I refuse to beg for you

I’m twice the woman, twice the man

That you’ll ever be

I’m indestructible

I’m a walking contradiction

Nothing truly makes sense

maybe it’s delusions

Illusions

am I projecting my fantasy on to you?

idealising someone untrue?

living in visions of grandeur with you?

I need to move on from you

oh I know I need to move on from you

got these boys on their knees

desperate to please

but they’re not the ones I want to see me

to really see me

these boys begging to feel me

never hearing no clearly

asserting my dominance to keep myself in this game

I wonder how they see me?

I don’t really care

Because they don’t make me stare

I wish you’d really see me

I keep believing that one day it’ll come

but maybe,

I’ll be walking away shades on my face, the sea breeze in my hair, another city another day

to a boy who didn’t have to get on his knees

to a boy who could really see me

walking away to one of these boy’s because they finally did please

and I can finally let go because we weren’t meant to be

You were the movies, I saw the script, it wasn’t as beautifully put together as this.

Let’s pretend we’re in a movie.

They call me eloquent

They call me truth

They call me educated