He briefly closed his eyes when Paris touched his face and he could almost see what Paris would be seeing, he could almost see Paris caressing his face, his true face, as he can see it. If he opened his eyes and looked intently enough he could barely see the face of someone who was not his own face in the reflection in Paris's eyes, but only if he looked hard enough. Because Paris sees him as himself and Sam can feel that when Paris looks at him, and touches his face.
It's almost like looking in the mirror and seeing his own face himself. It's the closest he can get. Not even Al sees the real him. Al knows him for himself but he sees someone else staring back at him whenever they talk... And out there, back with Al, there is someone with Sam's shape and Sam's face that is not him. But Paris makes all of that go away, when he stares at him like this.
Sam watches him, leans into his touch as he guides his hand around his face gently, and he smiles. "Mm. That sounds nice. What's it like, in your head, when you think about it? This future where we make it home and settle down together?" He actually hadn't thought of living with Al, but it made sense under the circumstances.
âPeaceful,â Paris decided, feeling his heart skip a beat at Sam's smile, âan ordinary life in a quiet place. We would have a real home, with real floors, and real windows. The doors would have keyholes, and our world would not be confined to a single room.â The lieutenant had never had any of those things before. He'd experienced them - very fleetingly - during certain leaps, but they had never been his to keep. His home, through the years, had never been a true home. Paris frowned now, a little frown of intense concentration, as he sorted through his thoughts. âWe would cook for each other,â he said, âand share holidays from our combined cultures without the fear of leaping before it was over.â On a more recent leap, Paris had had his very first experience with the fascinating American tradition of Thanksgiving, but it had not lasted for long. The two of them had leaped barely thirty minutes into it.
Paris curled into Sam's side a little more, resting his head on the pillow so he could look up at him better. âI have... also thought about something somewhat different. As you know, the admiral and I have not had very pleasant childhoods, but...perhaps we could provide a better one for a child in the future. I am incapable of reproduction of course, and medical surrogacy with either yours or the admiral's genetic material would not bring us nearly as much joy as adopting a child just as in need as we were. Giving her the life we never had. I admit that I have never wanted to raise a child before, but that is the accepted convention of the âproper family experienceâ is it not?â Al seemed so happy with small children, Paris thought, and both Al and Sam had had younger sisters. They seemed to know what to do. They could teach Paris to do it, too.