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Distorted time space warped around my fingers. Eyes full of sandstorms and hands tore apart with lies and distaste. My eyes hurt with dirt thrown in my eyes as I wipe my face across with slashing blood as it burns my skin. Wiping away the sorrow on my face and the sinister smile. I kneel to the ground only to accept fate is coming as I prepare for war with myself.

Oh soldier on the shore the water carries your bones to be gently caressed Oh soldier on the shore Your mother awaits for you Looking at the bright sky aware you are her bright sun.

Life gets hold of you Tightening its grip on your arms making you the anchor the Atlas to hold the sky Life floating away as you held the sky in your arms on your shoulders smiling away The birds flew as you stood the sun rose as you shone the moon dips as you stand The painter captures your smile mistook the tears for a smile sparkling stars.

I focus on myself

She knew that all of it was worth it. Worth every moment of happiness worth every moment of joy she knew this was meant for her. This was her happiness, her freedom. The clouds seemed to be sweet and the sky seemed blue after years of seeing the grey and whites. She could see colour. She ran and screamed. She cried. She danced. Her heart was beating fast and sweat broke on her face. This is such a dream. Then she woke up.

I wrote poems bout’ you You wrote songs for her Your love for her is infinite And mine is finite I am a fool With wishful thinking And false optimism I feel confident in talking with you I see you as a friend. How does it feel to hold Who reciprocates the same And not the opposite To hold and feel their warmth I feel jealous When I see you Why am I  not enough Why do I wait along looking at the stars When you already have yours. Tell me one thing I lack Do I lack her smile Or her mind Why do I feel unworthy As you are a prize Because she sees you as a present Who is her past, present and future And I see you as a trophy Won for being better. I ended up losing my friends In admiring you Yet I could never say Mine Them by my side Yet I long for the moon When I have the sun The sun that burns my hand When I touch it And yet so praised upon To accomplish it Why do I have to burn To shine - payalkarnavat.

Foolish little me growing up to accept the ideal version of the person wasn't ideal for me

I am such a fool. The sweetest things could be poison yet ignored and drunk. Focus on the good about people. I did. I failed. The advice you, not warn you. After all, it is up to you they say. Why speak when backed off? Why escape if you return.I found placeholders yet not people. Heartbreaks it the page ripped apart, is it the glass shattered. If evil the heart is of stone If not it is soft. Attraction, infatuation mere words hold nothing. My god complex was broken down when you arrived. All I ask is why am I a fool. Focus on the flaws. I could not find any. It was an obsession, not a crush. I was so jealous of how perfect you are. The inexperienced find it wondering while  I wonder what they wonder upon. Is it my foolish talents or the talentless? What is talent? Are we born with it? Or do we give birth to it?

or maybe less age

I envy the ones who cry Without being judged Without being looked down upon Without a reason Babies I wish that I could pour my eyes out My heart, my blood Bawling my eyes out Thought everything in my mind Stays in my mind Never reality My mind drained with tears That never stained I want to be reborn Rewrite Relive Like the babies Their blabbering sounds the thoughts in my mind None making sense Their smiles are real And so is my existence Although I long it wasn’t. My hypocrisy reflected in the mirror The small child crying- payal karnavat