Brian's Blog

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

one time when I was hungry as a kid I ate that colorful food you give fish that comes in flakes and I still remember it didn't taste that good

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

tomorrow i have to give my daughter’s pikachu plushie gender-affirming surgery

stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your pussy. ok now stop thinking with your pussy and start thinking with your dick again. meditate on the differences between them. call me back when you get it.

i cant believe this is getting reblogged by hipsters again. people are even tagging it as “#about me”. this was just an ego boosting post about how great i am about playing spy in tf2

the public transportation pervert gets off at every stop

To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.

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