☀︎

The beat vibrated the car to a soft hum, the bass-heavy as it slowly lulled you deeper into the haze. You brought the drug to your lips once again, inhaling the smoke deep into your lungs letting the drug take its toll. You stuck your hand out before he was reaching out for the blunt in your hand and taking a hit from it as well. Your head lolled to the side from where it laid against the headrest of the car seat, your eyes settling on his form. 

He looked just as relaxed as you left, his head resting on the seat that was pulled nearly all the way back to allow for his long legs. He was looking out the windshield at Seoul’s afternoon skyline, lids hooded as smoke escaped past his lips. You bit back a smile at how perfect he looked in this setting, his dark hair tousled on his head with only a few managing to fall across his exposed forehead. He softly exhaled before he finally glanced over at you, a lazy grin pulling at his lips. 

“ What..” his voice was raspy, lowered by a few octaves that sends shivers down your spine at the sound. You just blushed and shook your head a little before looking out the windshield as well. It was a small distraction to avoid his gaze that still was on you, studying your features just as you did to him a few seconds ago. He smiled at your behavior before reaching out to take your hand, but just as he did a familiar tune was playing through the vehicle. You gasped and instantly reached for the volume turning it up to nearly blasting out your speakers. 

“NO FUCKING WAYY” you were bouncing in your seat, near oblivious to the way Hoseok was watching you. He had a face-splitting smile on his lips, raising. a hand to cover his mouth in order to stifle his laughter. 

You immediately fell into the song, singing along to your favorite parts and turning to Hoseok during the rapping ones. It was then you realized he was recording but you didn’t give a fuck with how high you felt, especially when he was smiling so hard at you right now. 

“They say by now I’ll be finished, hard to tell, my little fifteen minutes lasted long as hell, ahhhh” you were laughing too hard to even go on, he had started recording like a producer trying to get you at all possible angles. He was moving too much that it made you laugh harder to the point you held your side a little. 

Even at the parts you didn’t fully know you were still hype and trying to shake your ass, breaking out into laughter when he started cheering you on. You playfully shoved him on his shoulder, still giggling with him before reaching for the last of the blunt trapped in his fingers.

“the coop is roofless but I get top in it” you hit the blunt, shaking your hips in your seat while pointing out to him. He smirked and moved his eyes from his screen to where you were dancing in your seat in front of him. At that moment just sitting there watching you goof off, laughing and smiling at him the way you did, his heart melted because there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

“Obviously” was his remark that had you laughing once again, blowing out smoke and taking another pull before ashing it. The car had gotten significantly more smokey in the meantime warming up the car in the process with all your movement. The song proceeded but you slowly calmed and melted into your seat again. He was chuckling while rewatching the video he had taken of you, listening closely for both your voices over the music. You saw him type a few things when chaos ensued again.

“Don’t you dare Jung Fuckingg Hoseok!” you reached out for his phone over the shift, seeing his messages open with the video in the text as an attachment. He pulled his arm back, using the other to keep you at bay all while laughing as you continued to try and fight against his arm. 

“It’s just to yoongi! I’m teasing him about missing out” he giggled more when you tried tickling his neck, his chin chopping at your fings to release him as he laughed more. Finally, you relented and pulled back.

“Ugh fine, but you gotta send him this too” you instantly stuck up your middle finger while holding up another rolled beauty in your other hand. This caused him to laugh and quickly capture the moment and send it as well followed by a few choice words

“He’s gonna be so pissed” he uttered to himself before finally shutting his phone off and shoving it back in his pocket. You shrugged and brought it to your lips and lit it up, inhaling to start before handing it off to him. He smiled in thanks before hitting it. The car returned to its previous silence, the only sounds of the fontos burning and the music playing softer songs from your playlist. 

You got your supplies ready to roll another, letting him hit the blunt until he was holding it out for you. You smirked and let him hold it as you pulled, ignoring the look he gave you. 

“Lazy ass” you chuckled and started breaking it up enough to roll while he searched your music for a song he wanted to hear. You phone began to ring over the speakers, a familiar gummy smile appearing on your screen that caused Hoseok to start laughing through blowing out smoke. 

“Look who” he held the phone up for you to see and you followed in laughing, urging him to pick up. The line connected and before either of you could greet him he was cursing you both out. 

“You mother fuckers- I told you both to fucking wait for me!” he hissed, calling you both a million more curse words before Hoseok was trying to talk over him while still containing his laughter.

“Hyung!” there was silence long enough for him to speak, “ We’re coming to get you now” he looked over at you where you raised a brow at him, a half done blunt in your mouth. “After YN finished rolling this blunt for you” 

“Fine. 15 minutes” with that being said you passed the stuff over to Hoseok who easily took over where you left off. You started the car and began to pull out of the lookout area and onto the street. 

Ever since that night in the cabin, with Sarah, the memories of then only seemed to haunt him.

He couldn't even hold you without thinking of her, of seeing her face and remembering the night they shared. He knew how heartbroken you’d be if you knew about that night, but he couldn't imagine what you’d feel if you knew it was still going on.

“Ben? I made your favorite, why don't you come sit?” you called, setting the plates on the table while he pulled his coat on by the door. He paused, contemplating sitting in for the night with you or seeing Sarah again in the barn.  He heard you humming softly, expecting him to come, but he sighed and just continued to pull his coat on.

“I can't tonight YNN, Washington wants to see me before he and Hamilton set out for battle” he lied smoothly, having told that lie so many times he almost believed it to be true. Seconds after you appeared in the doorway, an adorable pout on your lip with your cheek smeared with flour.

“But I just set the table! surely Washington knows your family is more important!” you scolded, taking in his current attire. He wasn't wearing his uniform, just the same clothes he wore when he had to sneak off to Setauket.

“I’ll make sure to let him know, but I really must get going” he placed a quick peck on your lips before he turned and rushed out the door. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving you in complete silence as you rubbed a hand over your protruding belly.

“Seeing Washington... at this hour?” you bit your lip nervously and you removed the food from the fire so it wouldn't burn. You quickly changed into more suitable clothes before heading out into the camp.

After hearing of your pregnancy, General Washington saw fit that you stayed in a cabin close to camp for better protection. You were grateful for his gesture, and Ben was as well not having to sleep in a cot outside anymore.

You kept to the shadows, keeping an eye out for your husband just in case he wasn't where he said he was. There were only a few soldiers were still up and walking around or sitting by fires near their tents. You huffed, seeing the generals house up ahead and quickly making a beeline for it before you were stopped.

“YN?” you stopped and turned to see Anna walking up to you, a faulty smile on her lips. “What’re you doing out here so late?” she asked softly, stealing a quick glance around before looking back at you.

“I was just looking for Ben ... you haven’t happened to see him, have you?” she shook her head quickly, taking your hands and leading you back to your cabin.

“Nope, last I saw he was walking into Washingtons and hasn't come out since, maybe you should wait back at home-”

“Huh.. maybe you're right, I’ve just been so stressed lately” you sighed, rubbing your forehead as the fear slowly began to fade away. But something still nagged you in the back of your head but you opted to ignore it for now.

“Yup! Here let me help you” you nodded and began to wobble a bit back in the direction of your home with Anna’s help. Unknowing to you, Anna looked back just in time to see Ben slipping out of the barn, stopping only to press a quick kiss to Sarah’s lips before ducking back into the shadows.

“Sarah! What a lovely surprise!” you beamed, smiling happily at the woman who held a basket of goods close to her chest. She smiled timidly, almost shyly in your presence as you urged her to enter the home.

Ben perked up immediately hearing the familiar name, pausing from his writings to look back at her. Just as she entered the room, their eyes immediately met but they forced themselves to look away to avoid blushing like school children. You were oblivious to the interaction while pulling out a seat for the woman to sit in.

“Sit, please! I was just about to set up lunch for Ben” you turned to the fire and pulled out the pot, gently placing it in the middle of the table. The smell seemed to circulate around her, choking her in her guilt. When it became too much, Sarah cleared her throat, effectively pausing you from serving her.

“Actually, YN, I came to speak to Ben” you tilted your head slightly in confusion as you looked back at Ben who nodded at you in silent agreement.

“Oh really?”

“Yea, w-we uh... we need to talk about my release that's coming up” you nodded your head as you stepped back a bit, hands on your stomach. When you didn’t move, Ben stepped in, gently placing his hand to the small of your back.

“In private dear”

“Oh! well, don’t let me interrupt” you blushed as you quickly ducked out the room, not before turning to Sarah, pulling her close. She tensed for some reason when you gave her a serious look.

“I just want to thank you, Sarah, for everything” she nodded when you continued, “For saving him, you really did help save our family” her eyes traveled down to your stomach and an overwhelming wave of guilt overcame her. You had to be about 7 months by now, and here she was... screwing your husband.

“I-I-” she stuttered, but you gave her a soft smile before leaving the room.

“And you're sure you don't want me to come along with you?” he asked, you smiled wide and pressed a kiss to his lips to shut him up. You held him close, his hands coming down to rest on your stomach, kissing you harder.

“I assure you, Benjamin, I’ll be fine, it's just my parents” he sighed and nodded, helping you into the carriage with one more kiss.

“Remember, one week” he nodded, pressing a few more kisses to your lips and face, smiling at the sound of your giggles. He ignored the wrenching guilt in his gut, choosing to accept the love in his heart for you, no matter how much.

Before you set off he made sure to threaten the driver to deliver you and the baby safely before you finally got moving. He watched the carriage get smaller and smaller until he couldn't see it anymore. A few seconds after a different face appeared before him and the love he felt was quickly replaced with the wrenching feeling again.

“You can’t do this to her anymore Ben, you’ll ruin everything you’ve worked for” He looked away from Anna who didn't try to hide her disappointment in him.

“Like you have room to talk” he sneered, it was a low blow but he didn't need to be reminded of the mistakes he's made. Especially when it came to you and the baby.

“Sarah isn’t good for you! you have YN, she’s all you've ever known, don't throw it away for-” she stopped talking when she saw the devil herself walking up the path towards them. Her cloak was shielding her features. a basket on her arm, her cover for visiting at such odd times.

“Ben... I hear YN’s gone out of town to visit her parents” Anna had to bite her tongue from cursing at her. Ben nodded stiffly, he’d rather deal with the woman in their own time, not in front of Anna and the rest of camp.

“Yes, she's visiting her parents for the week” Anna was glaring at him, but he chose to ignore her and the guilt bubbling in his gut. Sarah smiled, and as if she only just realized Anna’s presence, returned to her timid front.

“Well then... I believe now will be best to discuss my freedom after this mess clears up?” she offered, watching and waiting for his reacting. Ben took a deep breath, his eyes meeting Anna’s disappointed ones before looking to Sarah’s lust blown ones. 

“We can discuss this more privately...” with that he took her arm and lead her back to the cabin, ignoring Anna’s warnings.

“Thank you so much, Harold, I do apologize for making you go so far,” you told the driver, who only gave you a smile in return.

“It is not an issue Missus Talmadge, it's my duty to keep you and that boy safe” you smiled, hands running over your bump as you took your small bag from the trunks end.

“Thank you again, Harold, stay safe out there” you urged before he was biding you a goodbye. You turned to look back at your home that looked oddly empty, aside from the single candle lit in the bedroom upstairs.

“Ben?” you called out, untying the strings to your cloak, dropping your things by the side of the door. When you didn’t hear a reply, you tried listening out for him, but only hearing muffled sounds coming from upstairs.

“Ben? You here?” you tried again, deciding to check upstairs. The muffled sounds from before sounded more clearly now, louder, coming from the bedroom.

“Ben?” you whispered, almost afraid of what you’d see. You followed the sound before it finally hit you what it was, and who was making them.

Her moans were louder the closer you got, circulating the bedroom and all around you as you ripped the door open to see them. Sarah above him, panting as she rolled her hips down on his cock. You held back a cry as her eyes met yours, they only glanced at you for a second before looking back at your husband. But once she realized someone else was in the room, she screamed and scurried off him, especially when she realized that someone was you.

“Sarah wha-” he looked over and he felt his stomach drop at the sight of tears rolling down your cheeks. You were glaring, but it only crumpled into heartbreak when he tried to explain what was clear in front of you.

“Y-YN you weren't supposed to be back until next week-”

“The weather was bad so I had the driver turn us around... but I wasn't expecting this..” you choked, you couldn't even find it in you to be angry. You felt insignificant, and you clearly were nothing if this woman was still bare under your covers.

“I-I can explain-”

“Don’t bother” was your short response before you turned and slammed the door shut behind you. You moved as quickly as your bump would let you, grabbing your still packed bag and pulling on your cloak as quickly as possible.

You had a foot out the door when Ben came barreling down the stairs. His shirt unbuttoned and his pants hanging off his hips.

“YN! YN wait-” you tensed feeling his hands on you, wanting to gag at the fact his hands had even touched another woman the way they had once touched you. You pulled away, glaring at the way his eyes looked so sad, sad at the fact he caused all of this.

“What Benjamin” your tone was clipped, a clear sign that you were struggling to keep your anger at bay. 

“YN, please... let me explain-” he tried again, but you chuckled bitterly, rolling your eyes.

“How do you explain the fact I caught you in bed with another woman! A woman I thought you were just helping but clearly you were helping her out with other things” you snarled, shoving him away from you to turn and stomp down the steps. You weaved through camp, Ben still hot on your tail.

“No! I-Its nothing like that, Sarah and I just-”

“Just decided to go behind my back and screw each other while I was away?” with that you stormed into Gabe’s tent, the bearded man jumping in surprise.

“YN? What’re you doing back so early? I thought-”

“I need you to take me to Pawtucket” he looked even more surprised now, jumping again when Ben appeared, looking breathless, and shirtless. The man connected the dots and instantly was standing in front of you, blocking Ben’s path.

“Move Gabe, this doesn’t concern you” Ben tried, but Gabe didn't step down, only stepping up to him, daring him to do something worse than he already had. When he didn’t, he pressed a firm finger to his exposed chest, a deadly look in his eye.

“You won’t win this fight captain.” the room fell silent, as the two stared each other down with nothing but hatred for each other. You watched, your hand protectively over your stomach until finally, Ben grunted.

“I won’t be far,” with that he turned and left, leaving the tent in silence until you finally cracked. You let out a small whimper before completely breaking down into sobs, fat and heavy tears falling down your cheeks. Instantly you were in Gabe’s arms, crying until eventually, you pulled away.

“I-I’m sorry Gabe... I didn’t mean to wrap you up in this” you sniffled, smiling a little when he cupped your face, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs. He gave you a small one in return, sighing after a while.

“I’m always gone be here for you YN... we should get going” you nodded, you already had bags packed. He helped you carry them towards the boat, surprised to see Anna standing nearby as well. She seemed just as surprised to see you, especially with bags.

“YN! W-What’re you doing here?” there was an edge in her voice you didn’t notice, simply rushing into her arms, holding her tight as the tears welled up again. She tensed before realizing you were crying and immediately wrapping her arms around you.

“He-He slept with her! he did it behind my back Anna!” you cried softly, having already used most of your heavier tears with Gabe. Said man had placed your bags in the boat, waiting for you.

“Ben? I knew Sarah was no good YN, I told you” she spoke softly, rubbing your back soothingly. You froze, sniffling and pulling back to look at her, suspicion in your tone.

“I never told you it was Sarah...” you said slowly, watching panic bubble up in her features. You narrowed your eyes, ripping back as she reached out for you quickly.

“Y-YN wait I-” 

“You knew... didn't you.” you hissed, watched as she pressed her lips together. As if Ben’s secret of cheating was far more important than his baby you were carrying, and the future you no longer had. 

“I-”

“The truth, Anna” she took a deep breath, before looking down, tears welling up in her own eyes. Cause she knew it was wrong, and she didn’t stop it.

“Yes...”

There was a tense silence in the air now, your hand twitched, the need to slap someone making your blood boil up. She couldn’t meet your eyes, she fiddled with the string of her cloak, flinching when you spoke.

“I never, want to see you guys ever again”

Arriving in Pawtucket felt good. After going so long without seeing your town, your home, it felt wrong, so maybe it was a sign. 

You decided not to go to your parents home, deciding you’d stay with your dear friend Mary and her own family in their own home. Mary had welcomed you with open arms, insisting you stay as long as you needed.

“I’m sorry for intruding on you and your family Mary... I’ll be gone soon” she waved you off as she started up the bath for you. You untied your cloak and began to undress just. as she poured some bubbles into the water, the sweet smell wafting up into the air and instantly calming you. Although with the calm came the tears your body had so desperately been trying to keep back. 

You stepped into the bath once she said it was okay, and slowly sunk into the warmth, the suds enveloping you in comfort. You hummed appreciatively when Mary began to untie the ribbons in your hair, the strands falling around your face. 

When she began to wash your hair, she noticed the tears streaming down your cheeks. The red rims, the swollenness of your cheeks like you’d been crying for hours. Dread filled her, she opened her mouth to comfort you, but you beat her to it.

“I still love him... even after everything he's done to me, I still love him” you choked out, her heart breaking at the sight of you. You sat numbly in the tub, surrounded by bubbled while your hands subconsciously rubbed your soapy belly in soothing circles. At least one good thing would come out of Ben’s betrayal... 

“Oh YN..” Mary whispered, brushing your damp hair away from your face as your tears mixed with the water. You looked over at her, her face riddled with anguish as you looked back at her blankly, tears never ceasing.

“Everyone knew about it... even Anna, my best friend knew and she didn't tell me Mary” you shook your head as you stared down at the water, your hair falling back around you. Mary bit her lip, her own past pain of Abrahams cheating with Anna seemed to bubble up again and she spoke before she could stop herself. 

“Men... don’t think when passion is present. Ben made a mistake, but it's no excuse” she told you softly, you looked up, but you didn’t look at her, only staring ahead. You stayed silent until the end.

After the bath, Mary left you to get settled on your own. You walked over the trunk at the foot of your bed. It was supposed to be sent to your parents’ house for storage, but after everything, you’d taken it with you by accident. 

You kneeled in front of the trunk at the foot of your bed, slowly opening it up to see the lost treasures you’d stored there. There wasn’t much aside from a few dressed from before your pregnancy, a few expensive pieces of jewelry, and some small portraits of you and your family. You were about to shut the trunk but your eye caught sight of the smaller box in the corner. You knew what it was before you even touched it.

Inside were mountains of letters, all from Ben back when the two of you had been courting. A few from when you were children, but one stood out from the rest, the one he’d written to you when you were both just teenagers.

My Dearest YN,

I don’t know how else to tell you this but by writing it out to you, so here goes. Ever since we were children, from the moment you and your family moved into Pawtucket, I knew that I'd make you mines someday. Being your closest friend was good enough for me until now, seeing you being forced to love another, I can’t help but think that it should be me. So I’m hoping that there might be something between us... if there is, meet me at our spot the minute the clock strikes midnight.

Ben

You remembered the minute it struck midnight you ran from your house to the treeline, deep into the woods to the edge of the water. You saw him standing there, under the moonlight beside the tree you both had made yours, holding a single flower in his hand. Hearing rushed footsteps he spun around just in time to catch you in his arms.

“I do like you Ben Tallmadge, I do I do!” his smile was melting and in an instant, you both were sharing your first kiss with each other. He held you for a long time, simply taking in your everything, your heart swelled with love.

You were snapped back to reality when a warm tear hit the parchment. You sniffed, neatly folding the letter back together and putting it to the side while you picked up the rest of the box filled with letters. You walked over the fire, the heat warming your cold skin as you got closer, box in hand.

“Goodbye Ben” you tipped the papers into the fire, watching it all catch aflame in a matter of seconds. You watched them curl under the heat, browning until they turned into nothing but ash. 

You smiled when you felt a familiar leather clad arm wrap around your middle, the scruff of his beard tickling your neck as he nuzzled closer to you. He took a whiff of your scent, the fresh perfume intoxicating his senses, making his senses blur momentarily. His hand skimmed over your curves and over your still growing belly, causing you to purr softly.

"Morning doll.." he whispered, the huskiness of his tone sent shivers down your spine. You continued to fold the few clothes that no longer could fit you in your current state, wearing only Negans shirt that also barely managed to reach your knees.

"Morning sweetheart" you cooed, reaching back to rub your dainty fingers across his stubble affectionately. He hummed, eyes lidded dangerously as he turned you to look up at him. His eyes left yours only to see how large your stomach had grown the past 6 months, his smile broadening.

“Anything new?” he looked up at you a rare blush making his face red to see you already staring down at him with a soft smile of your own. You shook your head gently as you leaned back a little against the bed to present your belly proudly.

“Nope, he’s being strangely good today,” you told him, linking your hands together over your bump. He smiled a little, his eyes a bit watery causing a worried look to cross your own features now.

“Whats wrong?” you cupped his face in your hand, his eyes slipping shut for a second before reopening.

“D-Do you think she’s happy, where she is?” he asked, his voice unrecognizably soft as he held your hand just a little tighter.

The question came as a surprise, but you instantly knew who he was talking about. You bit your lip, your eyes stung with tears but you held them back as you smiled as best you could.

“She’s getting the little brother she’s always wanted, I like to think she's extremely excited” he chuckled at your answer and leaned up to kiss you tenderly. A single tear dripped down your cheek but he caught it when he cupped your face in his larger hands.

“Me too.,” he whispered, his eyes locked on yours as you smiled softly to each other.

1:39 AM

‘Where the fuck is he..’ you thought angrily, glancing over at the bedside clock that continued to flash the red numbers at you.

You grunted, rolling a bit on your side to manage to push yourself up off the bed. The bedroom was dark, aside from the moonlight being your only source of light as you reached your hoodie at the end of the bed.

Swinging the door open you realized how the hall was abnormally quiet for a night like tonight. Usually, there was at least one man sitting at the door in case of anything, but when you looked the seat was empty. Your brows furrowed in confusion, stepping out into the hall you shut the door quietly behind you.

You checked a few rooms that usually occupied at least a few people, but no one was to be seen at all. You huffed, a bit scared but you continued to look.

You were finally getting tired and contemplating going back to bed when you heard it. His voice a few distances away,

‘the warehouse! why didn't I think of that?’ you sighed and began to hobble your way there. The closer you got, the clearer you could hear his voice, along with a few others. You walked into it warehouse to see it empty, but the door leading outside was wide open, the bright lights of the SUV’s blinding you. You felt sick suddenly, and you knew it wasn’t your usual sickies, no, it was your gut telling you to turn tail and run; but your brain was moving your legs forward.

Coming up to the doorway, you didn’t expect to see what you did.

“-he said suck my nuts!”

You watched in horror from the doorway of the warehouse as your husband rose Lucille high in the air, before bringing it down with such a force it caused the man's skull shatter. You wanted to scream, to rush up and stop him, but you were frozen in your place.

It didn’t help how he continued to do it, continued to beat on the man until his head was nothing but pieces of brain and blood staining the earth. You could hear the squelch, the final cracks of bone until he was beating nothing but the earth. Your hand flew to your mouth to hold back a gag, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to tear your eyes away.

The saviors were laughing while they watched their leader, and it made you sick seeing them smile so evilly. Especially since it was nothing but a show, one to prove to Rick and his 'family' exactly where they stood on the food chain. Dwight had a boastful smile on his face as he turned to look around at the sorry faces, only to have his smile immediately fade as he caught sight of you. His face paled once he saw the tears on your face, his own stomach dropping.

"Negan." He spoke sharply, cutting Negan off from his threats. Said man sent a harsh glare to his right hand, and if looks could kill he’d be dead.

"You wanna be next fucker?" He hissed, but Dwight didn't answer, didn't even look him in the eye as he kept his gaze focused on your trembling form. Negan rolled his eyes at this before he turned and froze.

“What’re you doing?” you whispered, holding onto the doorframe for support. Everything was silent, aside for a few sniffles from the people still kneeling on the ground. When you didn’t hear an answer, your eyes narrowed in on his.

“YN, listen..” he tried looking for an explanation for this, for the reason he’d broken your one promise; but nothing came out. You bit your lip, clutching your shirt, wanting to melt into the floor as all eyes focused on you, but you could only concentrate on him.

“You lied to me..” were the only words your brain could form. Your hands went down to your belly as if to protect your baby from him, from the man who’d sworn to protect you. Only now you couldn’t see that man, the father of your children, the man you’d fallen in love with since you were both just teenagers causing trouble.

“YN-” you shook your head, completely horrified as you looked around at the scene again. The man that laid dead, another’s face scratched bloody from the barbed wire. The rest who still kneeled on their knees were crying, fear clear all over them as they begged with their eyes for your help.

“No, no... you’re not my husband... you're a monster” you snarled the last part, glaring darkly at him through your tears. He could feel his heart breaking in his chest when you stepped back from him when he reached out for you. He’d hadn’t seen that look of fear in your eye since... since Lucille...

"YN- wait, no this is just–" he laughed breathlessly, but the humor was no longer in the air. You shook your head again and took another step back. His face was filled with fear as you took, even more, steps away from him. He knew what this meant, but he’d be damned if he went through that again.

When you both lost Lucille, I’d broken the both of you. Watching your baby girl get torn apart by walkers was your biggest nightmare come true. That was his, being seeing you leave him, seeing another light in his darkness go out would kill him.

So when you turned and ran, ran for the room you both now no longer shared, he didn’t run after you. He stood there, in the center of all his men, and continued to stare at the spot where you once occupied. He thought about what you’d say, how you’d scream at him and call him a monster until his ears bleed.

He thought he’d felt nothing but fake pain until now. Hearing how you felt, hearing what he truly was, a monster... Just how you’d manage to rip his heart out of his chest and smash it better, and far worse than he ever could to someone's skull. At this, his grip tightened on the bat until they turned his knuckles white.

“..so back to it” in full swing, he turned.

I don’t know why I do this, but I love it so much