Polyam Ramblings

unhealthy polyamorous: joe loves becky and jim. becky is not comfortable sharing joe with jim, but stays quiet anyway.

if u have multiple children its not like u love any of them less, its not that One Child Didnt Fulfill You.

""you have multiple friends. what, one of them isnt enough for you??? u cant love all your friends equally, even among ur best friends !! just choose one, stop cheating!""

req’d by @stitchthepaleontologynerd

Are my feelings normal and am I forgetting any precautions in place? Context: My NP & I are fluid bonded. There is a barrier rule when engaging with other partners. Upon returning from an overnight date she confessed that the condom came off at the end of her partner’s ejaculation. She says most of it looked as though it was in the condom when it was removed. I am feeling scared, hurt, and sad and until her partner is tested we are abstaining from penetration with each other.

It doesn’t entirely matter whether feelings are “normal,” you’re having them, and that’s that. In this situation, it sounds like everyone did everything correctly: your partner honored the barrier rule, and when an accident happened, she told you about it. If you can, try to make room for gratitude and happiness that your relationship and communication are strong enough that this is being handled so well.

Accidents happen. Condoms slip off. It’s a known risk of sex with barrier protection. Usually, it’s not a crisis. Getting tested is a smart step, and if your partner can get pregnant, she should also take a pregnancy test. It’s unlikely that this is going to be the end of the world - in the absolute worst case scenario, if an STI was transmitted, the most common ones are very treatable if not curable. Try to relax! No amount of rules or negotiation can prevent problems from occurring, and when they do, all you can do is manage them together.

I hear that you’re feeling hurt and sad, but remember that no one did anything to you or at you. You were not betrayed or lied to, and it was just an accident that the condom came off. It sounds like being fluid-bonded with your partner is emotionally significant to you, and it might feel like an important part of your relationship has been ‘threatened’ or ‘damaged’ - but, in reality, the terms of your relationship remain intact. I answered another question here about how fluid bonding can be a stand-in for other things, and how it can be important to parse out what fluid bonding means to you.