PolyAm-Positive

That’s exciting! I sure do have some suggestions: Read as much as you can, talk/listen, learn, contemplate! 

Books: 

More Than Two (quickly became my polyamory bible)

The Jealousy Workbook (does what it says on the tin)

Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (exploration of people’s real-life experiences in unconventional relationships)

Websites:

More Than Two (yes, related to the book – has a lot of fantastic pages)

Tumblr…there are many awesome people with fresh takes on relationships here. Search the #polyamory tag.

Facebook groups – there are groups with lots of people sharing and seeking advice on their relationships; be forewarned if you’re in the polyamory closet that if you see a group marked Private, that does not mean people outside the group can’t tell you’re in it! It only means they can’t see your posts. Your friends can still see that you’re in the group. 

OKCupid is a site a lot of poly people use for dating. I met one of my partners on there! One word of warning: if you’re new to the poly dating scene, and especially if you’re female, it’s likely that any shady characters on your local scene will be among the first you hear from. I don’t say that to scare you off. You may also meet some awesome people right away. Just be aware that people who have worn out their welcome with others in the community are always keeping their eyes out for newbies. Just be wary and mindful of that fact when you start dating, and trust your gut!

IRL:

PEACHFUZZ #119: Raid Ready

Our treasure? A healthy series of relationships.

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I was going to delve into the idea of a Unicorn and the hunting culture, but my research showed that some folks have already addressed this in far greater ways than I would have here. So if you ever considered looking for a Unicorn, or being a Unicorn, or don’t know the term please give this place a look over. Takes about 15 minutes to read the whole site. You will be a better human being for it.

There is no jealousy, there is compersion.

There is no ignorance, there is communication.

There is no dishonesty, there is openness.

falling out of bed

grabbing a shirt off the ground

realising it isn’t your’s

dropping it and grabbing another

First I want to address the idea of “less of a man”. This is an outdated idea that certain things make you a man and certain things dont. If we want to still use the terminology, the only thing that makes you less of a man is changing what you feel is right for you because of outside effects. Ypu and your partner determine what is best for yourselves, and the coupling by discussion and understanding.

If you dont want to be poly and date other people, that is a fine choice for yourself. Whatever you need to feel secure and okay with yourself. Dont force something that isnt you.

For your partner, if they feel the need to be poly it is healthy to discuss and work into that. To deny them that part of them would build resentment and result in a poor relationship. If you have not already, I suggest More Than Two: A practical guide to polyamoury. It has couples activites and discusses at length compersion and reassurances.

Make sure you vocalize your needs to feel secure and loved. Maybe a cuddle before they go out on a date. Making sure you get enough time with your partner to ensure you feel loved.

I love our family. We are a very non traditional family. We put Modern Family to shame. All names have been changed to protect the innocent….

For the purpose of this blog, I go by Zelda. I’m a bisexual polyamorous woman. I’ve been married to my husband, Wyatt, since God was a child. Wyatt is straight and also poly. Our oldest daughter, Lyra, is bisexual and dating Mara. Our son, Blaise, is asexual and dating no one at present.

Wyatt and I have been poly for a couple of years. About 2 years ago, we met and fell in love with another couple. Willow is pansexual and has been married to Sirius for slightly less long as Wyatt and me. Willow and Sirius have 2 kids as well. Their oldest, Oscar, is the same age and personality as our son. Their daughter, Ginny, is pretty awesome too.

We have what Wyatt likes to call kitchen table poly. Everyone is in the know (we told Lyra, Mara, and Blaise and Ginny figured it out. We’re not entirely sure about Oscar, but we’re not hiding anything). We often have dinner the four of us, and the girls call our partners their step parents.

…being there for each other in times of stress and heartache. With any relationship, you go through hard times. I have found that with the extra partners in a polyamorous relationship, you have a bigger network of support full of love, friendship and family.