occasionally subtle
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
$LAYYYTER
noise dept.
Origami Around
Sweet Seals For You, Always
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Aqua Utopiaď˝ćľˇăŽĺşă§č¨ćśăç´Ąă
Kiana Khansmith
Jules of Nature
Xuebing Du
Monterey Bay Aquarium
if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Three Goblin Art
AnasAbdin
#extradirty
DEAR READER
cherry valley forever
sheepfilms
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@polyamorous-tangles
Some of us are new around here, so Iâll say it againâŚ
One if the best antidotes to jealousy is gratitude. Feeling jealous of a person, maybe your metamour? Look for how that person brings good - to your partner, to you, to people in general. Cuz, yeah, we all got issues. But everyone has a side that does good things, and thatâs worth celebrating.
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Story of my lifeđ
âObviously âbihetâ offends a lot of bisexuals, so we need to come up with a better term for bisexuals in m/f relationships.â
How about⌠and hear me out⌠this may sound crazyâŚ. but you⌠continue to call us bisexual⌠because (and I realize this gets confusing for you people so read this next part slowly) it turns out we continue to be bisexual regardless of who weâre dating.
Okay, this shit gets me all heated up. Iâm just a cisgay dude up in here, but I have Some Opinions about this nonsense.
Bisexual people in relationships with folks of the other gender are not only themselves still bisexual (Iâm really ashamed of a bunch of all that this shit even needs to be said, like câmon), but their relationships are queer.
Yes, I just said that straight people can be involved in queer relationships without they themselves being queer.
The reason for this is simple: folks who are in relationships with queer people will always have to deal with their partnerâs marginalization impacting their relationship. Always. Even if their bisexual partner chooses to be entirely stealth about their queerness (and thatâs their right, by gods, fight me about it), their relationship is still impacted by that very choice existing. Itâs a facet heterosexual relationships never have to negotiate.
Frankly, bisexual folks have to deal with active marginalization from multiple angles: heterocentrist and homocentrist. And in case I actually have to say this aloud? We should not be fucking marginalizing our own, yâall. That makes you a bad person, and you should feel bad.
To sum up: Bisexual folks are queer as hell. Straight folks can be in queer relationships without themselves ever being queer. And FFS please stop harassing bi- and pan-folks already, man. Itâs 2018. Find hobbies that are not shitty.
I love this addition to my post so much thank you.
Been thinking thoughts recently, and this post is timely and relevant. Coming to terms with my queerness in small but important steps....
polyamory is neither inherently abusive or radical itâs literally just dating multiple people at once. this has pros and cons and risk factors specific to it just like monogamy does. thatâs it. not that deep, no need to apply all sorts of symbolism to it
@hauntedtelepone
Itâs not radical in the sense that âeveryone should do this to change the worldâ. It is radical in that it challenges something so ingrained in society that hardly anyone sees how problematic it is. Monogamy is default. Monogany is glorified. Non-monogamy is vilified and choosing it marks us. In that sense it isnât âjust dating multiple peopleâ. When you date one person you have endless models and support and you can turn to nearly anyone and talk about hardships and ask for advice. A person choosing non-monogamy has a relationship that is automatically viewed as bad. If I go to councelling with one partner, I need to hide the other. Otherwise the other partnerâs existence is viewed as a symptom of a bad relationship. When my father heard about my girlfriend, his response was âI hope you get well soonâ. He literally sees this as a sickness.
Polyamory isnât better or worse than monogamy.
But it is more difficult. Not inherently. But because youâre choosing a path less people walk and youâre choosing struggles you hardly see resolved and you need to reimagine your relationship and build it without a model.
Non-monogamy shouldnât be radical. But when you challenge something so rooted in the way society works and thinks, I think it is.
lunarbaboon
This is so me!!â¤ď¸
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From an installation by Kasie Campbell and Ginette Lund.
Read the whole poem here: https://m.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/i-invite-my-parents-dinner-party
It's a common misconception, that being polyamorous means a person can't commit. And if I'm being honest, it was one of the reasons that I was hesitant to have polyamorous relationships in the first place. I thought that monogamy was the only way you could demonstrate your commitment to someone else.
âWhen women speak truly they speak subversivelyâthey canât help it: if youâre underneath, if youâre kept down, you break out, you subvert. We are volcanoes. When we women offer our experience as our truth, as human truth, all the maps change. There are new mountains. Thatâs what I wantâto hear you erupting.â âUrsula K. Le Guin
Had a conversation recently with one of my kid's peers. They asked if talking about the emotional everyday real stuff is harder in a poly relationship, because there are more people. (my kid has amazing humans in their life)
I thought a bit, and told them no, in my experience conversations about real things are no more difficult than in other contexts, but they can feel scarier, and I think the reason is that there's often more at stake. As more people are involved, there's more potential for misunderstanding, and it certainly feels like there's more to lose.
But the biggest difference may actually be that in a poly relationship NOT having the hard conversations may do more harm to more people in less time. Poly folks who want healthy relationships don't have the dubious luxury of pretending all is well simply to avoid conflict.
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This is cuteâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Enough.
My amazing sister in law recently asked me if at the end of the day, I could feel that it was enough that I am. Not that I am better than I had been, not that I did more or all the right things, but that I exist. And that was painful, because I realised that I have never allowed myself that grace. And so I am going to spend the next year practising.Â
Enough.
In my family, in my relationships, in love, at work, I want to lean in to the idea that I am enough and more than enough. In polyamory I've encountered the idea of abundance vs scarcity, and how when I approach a relationship from a place of abundance instead of fearing scarcity, it makes that relationship much easier to navigate without fear. I've embraced this mindset in my poly relationships, but I hadn't ever considered extending the idea to my relationship with myself. I think it's time to begin.
Enough.
Have you ever heard the phrase âItâs easier to ask forgiveness than permission?â Violating consent isnât limited to sexual relationships,...
After attending an authorâs night with Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux at the local library and hearing their recommendation, I couldnât download this anthology fast enough. Kitty Striker has assembled a diverse collection of essays on consent culture, and theyâre so thought provoking and illuminating. Poly and kink friendly, the essays talk about raising kids, navigating relationships with mental illness, consent and justice, consent in chosen family and so much more. Highly recommend that anyone in a relationship of any kind, romantic or not, read this book.Â
Polyamory and Breakfast
Talking with my metamour the other day after nearly a year and a half sharing a home (my partner, his wife, myself, and their 2 kids, with my kid living in a suite in the basement), we discussed how we have so many tasty breakfasts on weekends now.  With three of us, it seems that there is almost always someone in the mood to make pancakes, french toast, poached eggs, or waffles! Many times my partner and I come back from the gym to a home that smells of bacon and blueberry pancakes- weâre so spoiled! MmmmmâŚ.  I love my poly family <3
Edith Whartonâs advice on aging
âOne can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.â
Perfect.
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Poly advice one-liner: Expect the unexpected. Polyamory may be a particularly challenging relationship style for people who love predictability. Of course, even monogamous relationships can involve curveballs. But in polyamory, youâll get more of them, pretty much guaranteed. If youâre going to try this, be ready for that. Sometimes, people who love predictability will try to armor themselves in advance â inoculate against change. But in reality, change is inevitable.
For anyone considering trying polyamory, consider this: the way you think it will go is almost certainly not how it will go. That might happen right away. Or maybe it will start out going the way you think it will; given enough time, something will take you out of your comfort zone. Thatâs normal and okay! Whether polyamory is right for you doesnât depend on whether it changes your love life. Whether itâs right for you is about whether the challenges it brings are ones that you want to take on. For some people, they are. For others, they arenât. There isnât one choice thatâs inherently better than the other; itâs just about finding the best fit for you.
I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
Lora Mathis ~ If Thereâs A Way Out Iâll Take It
