suk a dog dik

i know a guy who’s bought in entirely to microsoft’s ecosystem. he’s got a windows 10 computer, windows phone, uses microsoft edge, and has bing as his main search engine. he refers to looking things up on the internet as ‘binging’ it. very surreal, never met anyone else like that

that was the devil

i remember when i was little and i had to microwave something i’d always ask my mom how much time i needed to microwave it. like i thought at some point adults just learned the right amount of time to microwave anything. she was always right too so i believed her. now i’m an adult and i realized she didn’t know the right times for stuff. she just made it up. she’d be like, “i don’t know, a minute thirty?” and i’d walk away like, “wow how did she know that?” i used to think microwave times were like cooking laws you never broke. now i just throw shit in the microwave and set it on a whim. one minute? two minutes? four minutes? who cares? nothing is what you think it is. 

source?????

real gamers want to fuck peach and bowser 

No we don’t, what the hell?

Boys, we found a Fake Gamer!

The thing about the “and they were roommates” girl is I bet she really did just say something truly wild or explosive that totally warranted the unbelieving “and they were roommates”