kody

Babe are you okay I saw you reblogging "here's the life I've always longed for"

weird me out? no. you've weirded me in. let's merge souls

while I am talking to you about something gay and stupid a mosquito lands on my arm and sucks all my blood out in an instant, swelling to the size of a person as my remains flutter cartoonishly down to the ground, and it continues the conversation where I left off in a high pitched approximation of my voice

@funnier-as-a-system

whatever man *walks outside of your render distance*

they should invent an existence where the sweetest, most thoughtful people you've ever met don't suffer an endless series of indignities and injuries at the hands of gormless, self-obsessed monsters

they call me the information withholder for reasons i won't get into

is this @funnier-as-a-system ? feels like it

I shoved a nerd in my locker. so nobody steals my precious nerd

parents will make u feel guilty about absurd shit like breathing too much air or smth. and it will work too like you'll be laying on the ground years later paralyzed by the guilt that you're breathing too much until someone grabs u by the shoulders and tells u that is fucking stupid. and then you'll need to remind yourself of that every day for the rest of your life to function

i was kayaking once and saw a crab freeswimming and until that very moment did not realize they could do that and the scream i scrumt!