Pleasuress

Then there was Hulu, and it seemed weird at first to have two streaming services. But basic Hulu was free and mostly streamed TV shows so it kind of made sense. Soon they charged a small fee for the convenience of streaming TV shows without ads, which also made sense.

Life was very good. People forgot that piracy even existed.

i urge folks to consider how much you’re giving to mutual aid in comparison to how much you spend on stuff that you feel is frivolous. things that make your life a little better but that you wouldn’t suffer tremendously going without. this is a method that has helped me become a lot more generous.

this number is different for everyone. for me, that’s $40 on doordash every so often bc i’m too tired to cook or run groceries. it’s $30 i drop on buying a book on a whim.

i think we all deserve nice things that go beyond our immediate need for survival — and also, those of us who live with some degree of financial ease should share the abundance we have. my desire for comfort is not more important than another human’s right to food, shelter, and safety.

it’s easy to get trapped in - i can’t make a difference, i can’t individually solve poverty, i can’t fix structural injustice. all that is true, but my money can help alleviate suffering. if i can afford to drop $40 on drinks with a friend, how much can i afford to give someone who is hungry? or escaping war?

we know that lower income folks tend to share their money more than wealthy folks. culturally, people who grow up with money are taught to be cagey with it - with how much they have, how much they spend, and how much they can afford to give. if we are committed to solidarity we need to intentionally build in practices of sharing and mutual aid because we are taught to feel stingy around it otherwise.

i just shared a post with an evacuation fund for folks trying to leave Rafah. it is an emergency. Gaza has been in a state of emergency for the past 7 months — but what’s happening in Rafah right now is different. the clock is ticking and we can help people escape death.

There are two kinds of people, broadly, in this situation. The Shameless will tell you what the holdup is, with absolutely no regard for if the reason is "good enough". This is actually very helpful, because you get the real reason immediately, and can start working on a solution.

The Ashamed is trickier. People who are Ashamed are people who were often told they were giving excuses when they were trying to explain, and they'll often avoid you until they solve the problem on their own. This causes them and you a lot of stress, and often takes a lot longer to solve.

Long term, the strategy for dealing with people who are Ashamed is to provide a supportive environment where they're comfortable sharing any problems they're having with getting things done. But, there's a way to at least partially short-circuit that:

Provide an explanation for them.

One example might be "Hey Susan, I noticed that I don't have your report yet. Are you busy with other projects?" The readymade explanation signals that you're willing to accept an explanation, which is the big anxiety point.

Sometimes, you still won't get an honest answer- especially if the honest answer isn't "good enough" by the standards of the person who traumatized them. But, I've found that it often at least gets you a lie that lets you give them some slack or work around the problem.

Let's say that Susan has actually completely forgotten that she needed to do the report. She's horrified at herself, and completely unwilling to admit the real problem. But, she can now safely reply with "Sorry Jennifer, I've been swamped, and it got lost in the mix. I can have it to you in two days. Does that work?"

From there, so long as Susan gave an estimate for when she can actually do it, she and Jennifer can hash out a solution.

DO NOT PUT MILK IN YOUR EYES FOR PEPPER SPRAY OR TEAR GAS.

It can and will cause infection due to bacteria. Flush with water, distilled if possible, and never EVER wear contact lenses to protests where there may be police retaliation.