Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet (Our Flag Means Death) vs James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers (Marvel)
Blackbeard/Stede
Bucky/Steve
Voting ended onOct 2, 2023
This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.
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You say it like, “It’s all so fucking boring,” reaching for that answer because it’s the easy one, the obvious one. You used to be happy (didn’t you?) and what else has changed since then except that all the thrill and challenge is gone now? It must be the boredom to blame for this crushing emptiness inside you. You don’t ask yourself if it really is all so easy, then why do you always feel stressed? (You don’t ask yourself a lot of things.)
You say it like, “I just wasn’t built for sitting idle, man,” but you don’t know you mean it like “I don’t have any friends.” “What kind of pirate has a friend?”
“The Gentleman Pirate, I presume?”
and
“We need to be a lighthouse.”
and
“You wear fine things well.”
But even as the emptiness inside you fills, even still, you don’t realize it. Not until the knife is inches from his back and won’t go any closer.
He says, “Hey, I’m your friend.”
He says, “That bizarre little man over there likes you very much.”
You both say, “Co-captains?”
You lean your head against his hand, and you think oh, this is what it feels like to not be lonely.
“And making a turtle fight a crab? That's just mean!”
You can’t look him in the eye. You feel guilty because he’s upset. You feel guilty because he’s only here because you asked him to be. You feel guilty because he’s right; it is mean. And you didn’t even notice.
“This is me.” You say it like, “I’m not a good person, Stede,” and you think it’s over.
But
But
Butbutbut
“I don't know if I want to go back to the old days. Just drinking all day and biting the heads off turtles, or... making some poor bloke eat his own toes as a laugh.” Because maybe you’re not a good person, but maybe you can choose to be one anyway.
“You really don't have to do this.” “Yeah, I know I don't.”
You sign your life away because you don’t want that life anymore anyway. You shave your beard off because you don’t want Blackbeard anymore either. You just want to be Edward. You’re adrift, floating, and the only thing tethering you is his hand in your hand, his side touching your side, his lips pressed to your lips.
Love is a very fine thing indeed, and you wear it well.
Until it
All
Comes
Crashing
Down
You’ve been here before. Treading water, waiting to drown.
“What if it's not a death? What if life just... begins again?”
What if? What if you could still choose happiness? What if you still have friends? What if you could still just be Edward? What if? And why not?
“Edward better watch his fucking step.”
Oh right.
“We’re all just in various stages of fucking each other over.”
“The love of a pet makes a man weak.”
“I am the Kraken.”
That’s why.
“I don't even need to be on the boat. I'm a ghost.”
Ya'll be like "Shang was having a bi freak out, realizing he was into Ping". NO HE WASN'T. He already knew he was into men. His bisexual freak out was when he realized Ping was Mulan and hey maybe he's into girls too whatdoya know?
Legit you think a bi man who has always been in such a male-dominated space like the army hadn't already figured out that he liked men? Come oooonnnn... It's women he has rarely had contact with and has no idea how to talk to or flirt with (you fight good) I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.
ppl don’t like to imagine bi ppl coming to terms with being bi after identifying as gay bc they think that’s a downgrade lol. That’s why there’s like 100000 stories about cishets realizing they were bi and like 2 of gay ppl realizing they were bi.
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garlic is my boyfriend garlic is a god garlic is the wind in my hair on the weekend garlic's a relaxing thought aren't you envious that for you it's not sweet like honey garlic is a cat purring in my lap cause it loves me flexing like a goddamn acrobat me and garlic vibe like that
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life isn't unliveable it's just december life isn't unliveable it's just december life isn't unliveable it's just december life isn't unliveable it's just december life isn't unliveable it's just december life isn't unliveable it's
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THE FACT THAT EPISODE 4 HAS LUCIUS AND IZZY DEMONSTRATE THE EXACT SAME LEVEL OF SAILING SKILL AND SEAFARING KNOWLEDGE
before i really dive into that tho i just want to quick point out how perfectly the show sets up this comparison:
so when ed asks izzy, "What've we got here?" izzy gives his summary of the situation. the ship is damaged, and the crew is "bottom of the barrel." what's interesting about this is how, as izzy's saying this, the camera pans from roach and frenchie picking up wood and debris off the deck (which is actually useful work) to lucius absentmindedly tapping the railing with a hammer while he listens to pete talk, not even looking at what he's doing. and in case we missed it, the next time that the camera cuts away from izzy and ed's conversation it brings us to lucius and pete, and the audience clearly sees how lucius is putting minimal effort into fixing the ship. he has one hand on his cocked hip, the other one loosely holding the hammer, and he's not so much hitting the railing as he is letting the hammer bob around in his loose wrist, occasionally knocking against the railing. so clearly the show wants us to know that lucius is not one for manual labor, and it wants us to know that izzy knows this about him, and that's why izzy considers lucius to be "bottom of the barrel"
now, getting into how this episode shows us that Izzy Is Not That Great At Sailing:
FIRSTLY we have the frankfurter cloud conversation. ive already discussed how this scene serves as proof of izzy's sailing incompetence so im not gonna get into that in depth here (if you read that post i recommend also looking through the notes, there are a lot of good takes there). the short version: izzy should've known that the weather matters in sailing. i'm not saying he should've been able to figure out ed's whole plan, or that he should've known that the cloud shape meant that the fog would roll in, but he should've at LEAST realized that when his pirate captain asked him a question about the clouds, he wasn't just commenting on the shape of the clouds for the hell of it. izzy should've wondered if the shape of the clouds meant anything to ed, and he should've asked ed about it.
SECONDLY. so this one's a small one but when lucius walks in on ed staring at stede, presumably he's doing it to try and get his captain to help with The Situation. it's unclear if lucius wants help with the fact that they're currently being occupied by blackbeard's crew, or if he's referring to the fact that the scene right before this one is buttons pointing out the approaching spanish ships. the way lucius says "things have taken a very-" makes me think he was gonna talk about "things" taking a turn for the worse, meaning that lucius is seeking out his captain to get his help avoiding Death By Spanish. aka The Thing Izzy Spends The Whole Episode Doing
so lucius, who izzy considers to be a "bottom of the barrel" and "absolutely useless" crew member, has the same strategy for trying to escape the spanish that izzy does: he asks his boss to do something about it. izzy doesnt come up with a plan until it's too late for anything except "fight to the death," which is a terrible idea and would definitely get them all killed.
THIRDLY, FOURTHLY, AND SO ON: ok so. izzy shouldve thought about the cloud conversation a bit more. he and lucius both had the same Ask The Boss approach to problem solving. but it's the reveal of ed's genius plan where things get really interesting.
at the reveal of The Fog, everyone thinks ed's solved everything with his sheer genius, including izzy. he says "i don't believe it" because how ed could've predicted the weather down to the minute like this, but ed fixes him with this stare and izzy decides not to question ed any further
interestingly enough, stede does question further by asking ed how he knew this would happen, and that's how we end up getting an actual explanation of how ed knew this fog was coming. it makes me wonder if izzy ever asks ed to explain how ed comes up with his plans, or if he just lets himself be impressed and amazed (which would further reinforce izzy's image of ed as the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met and also half-insane). i also think it's worth pointing out that it's not just the clouds that helped ed predict the weather. ed says, "the color of this morning's sky coupled with the brisk westerly wind made me think we'd be safe." and notice how izzy is paying attention. just like stede, izzy also needs an explanation to understand how ed knew this would happen. ed's plan is just as mystifying and brilliant to izzy as it is to the rest of the crew. (and that's not a diss on izzy, more a remark on how ed is written to be a Literal Genius)
and when ed says, "and then the shape of the clouds confirmed it," that's when izzy realizes that ed's been planning for this the whole time. and crucially, izzy isn't mad at ed for not being upfront with him. muttering "fuck me" under his breath implies that izzy's mad at himself for not realizing ed had a plan. izzy HIMSELF recognizes that he should've been able to pick up ed's hint about the frankfurters
but do you know what izzy doesn't realize?? another crucial piece of ed's plan that izzy doesn't question, and that izzy most likely wouldn't have questioned even if ed had told him outright that he knew a fog was going to roll in once dusk fell and they'd be hidden from the spanish??
the Revenge is right in their path
izzy hands, alleged "only competent sailor on the Revenge," did not think about this fact. nobody thought of this fact except for ed, who thought he'd successfully planned around it, and buttons. buttons, who is implied to be the only person on stede's crew with actual significant sailing experience, who can spot ships without a telescope and is implied to have some level of magical ability. and this tells me that even if ed had actually told izzy "fog's gonna roll in at dusk, we'll be fine" it is a goddamn reach to say that izzy would've had anything to say aside from "good plan, boss."
then, and ONLY then, does ed mention the date. and another important detail: ed also says that tonight's a full moon, and that's not what izzy contests. ed could've said tonight was a full moon without saying it was september 2nd, and it's very possible that izzy wouldn't have realized ed was wrong. izzy doesn't deny that it's a full moon. the only thing izzy denies is the calendar date. and he's not the only one who does that
LUCIUS. COMPLETELY USELESS, BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, CANT EVEN HOLD A HAMMER RIGHT LUCIUS. IZZY WAS NOT ESSENTIAL TO ED'S ABILITY TO COME UP WITH A PLAN. THE INFORMATION THAT IZZY PROVIDED WAS NOT SOMETHING ONLY IZZY COULD PROVIDE.
one of the very first things izzy does this episode is call stede's crew shitty, but the the only skill or expertise that izzy demonstrates this entire episode is poor management skills and the ability to read Ye Olde Calendar. the one piece of relevant information izzy provides the whole episode is something that the ship's Laziest Gay also knew. the camera pans to lucius when izzy's calling stede's crew useless, but izzy ends up being ends up being exactly as useful to ed this episode as lucius is. less, if you remember that ed used lucius as a timer!!!!