you are in the hospital witnessing my final moments and as i flatline i poof and turn into an among us corpse

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

Me: *watching* What the hell is the point of th- OH MY GOD

I thought this caption was being over the top, but… they aren’t wrong

I was not prepared for any of this. But least of all, the fucking parachute.

This was truely not what I was expecting but 10/10 lmao

What the fuck?

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

Was not expecting this many of you to resonate with Millennium Death Plinko

Just wait until they break out the limbo pole.

just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture

I’m very excited to eat cashews tomorrow