Smutsia Gigantea in Gothic Plate Armor

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

And what, pray tell, is so wrong with that? Must a king lower himself to the vocabulary of insects? Must an academiac explain his reasoning to kindergartners? There is no shame in knowledge nor is there in verbosity. Quite the opposite, they are to be celebrated. But I guess this is the world we are forced to inhabit. This world... This planet, teeming with life and all its infinite possibilities. And you would dare dilute it, so that a simpleton's mind could comprehend it? I will not stand for this. No more shall a man be judged for his might, his ambition, his intellect. No more shall we look down on those who propose a mere thought experiment about owning a human pec9sdjv0 c9i2ewokhndvoi adsjvci uwqeowdsxujvnli ufdsiuljfcniu ofeidcvjpc9nUIODSuljvniuwqopisafjvp985erioewaudJHB9jrg8frjuv8ar9jvuw08rd9vujq35g89spdujigk[0e9ravjik0rvu9jq54w8yvh r8og;af9ukjgmoiaelgurj9g8zboifyhvlo8fivujawp89 OC:Ivjare0sd9oizl

You won't... Keep me... from Hot Topic... forever...

I think there can be a lot of pressure to give the right narrative about yourself. "I was always a girl, I always knew it from the bottom of my soul," that kind of thing. I didn't. I was a little boy, I wasn't thinking about that stuff. I was thinking about Legos and making sandcastles. And sure my parents raised their eyebrows when my favorite shows as a kid were Winx Club, Totally Spies and My Life as a Teenage Robot. But that little boy didn't think watching those shows made her a girl. She didn't think struggling to fit in with other boys her age meant she was a girl. And she didn't think being jealous of girls was a strange way to feel. She just thought she was bad at being a boy. Because kids are often kinda dumb. So yeah that little boy eventually became a woman. But she didn't figure the whole gender thing out until she was 20. And until then, she spent a lot of years being a dumbass boy and then a dumbass teenage guy. That's a lot of time to do stupid shit. A lot of things to wake up cringing about. But I think that's fine, y'know. Everybody's cringing at something. What matters is figuring it out... eventually. That boy did her best, that's what counts.

i know in my heart of hearts that within the pokémon universe it’s all the really cute popular marketable pokémon that have the most irresponsible trainers. small dog syndrome ramped up to a whole new level. that is not a toy that is a lifelong commitment. ma’am please keep your untrained sylveon in its pokéball inside the store. no that is not a service pokémon it wouldn’t be using moonblast on everything if it was

sir! sir!!! your pikachu is decimating the ducklett population at the pond and you aren’t even looking! you are NOT ash ketchum you are NOT gonna catch ‘em all because that involves trade evolutions and you have NO friends!!!

if one more middle aged mom tells me that i should’ve kept my raichu a pikachu because ‘she’s much cuter that way’ i’m sending out my full team and throwing hands right there in the starbucks

time is a flat iron and brother i’m getting smooth as fuck

time is a curling iron and brother i'm all twisted up

Time is a flat iron, smooth as fuck Time is a curler, twisted up Time is an updo, pinned and tucked Time is a weave-in, stitched and stuck Time is organic, shaped by luck Time is a construct Monster truck

We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

grabbing like 80 percent of the lesbians I know by the shoulders and saying listen. listen. you have to stop categorizing everyone and everything into Women (Good) and Men (Bad). you might not think you’re doing it, but you are. it’s very clear from the ways in which you talk about trans men and bi women and your experience with gender and your difficulties in the dating scene that on some subconscious level, you think that moral purity is directly proportional to how much Man Stuff somebody has in their life. that contact with men and male-associated cultural byproducts will give you Boy Cooties. it won’t. but I can tell you think it does, and so do all of your trans friends, and it makes us all uncomfortable. so cut it out

hold your horses is just genuine good life advice

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

he got raptured

im a trans woman and a real human being capable of suffering by the way. i exist.

im not porn, im a girl. i have friends and interests and hopes and things i want to do. i laugh and cry and i give hugs and i watch the sunset. i'm real. im a person. i'm a woman. please stop treating me like im an object. i'd love it if you stopped, i'd give you anything in return for it. please see me.

i do all this just like you do. i'm real. please see me as real. it would make me so happy if you did, if you saw me as just another person.