*looks into the camera like im on the office*

Just overheard two teenaged boys at the front door of their friend’s house. One was on the phone and gently said, “Oh, did you just wake up?” And the other one yelled “OPEN UP, FUCKNUGGET!” while slamming his hand on the door. I gotta say I love the friendship dynamic

I can’t believe I forgot to mention that the guy who lived there answered the door while wrapped up in his blanket, and it was way past noon at the time, which really sold the entire interaction as a whole

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

Reblogging this version because some people in the tags were trying to make it seem like @mighty-meerkat​ was lying, who was not.

no google docs you don't understand this is a sexy, necessary grammar mistake

Yesterday night a lady came through our drive through and was like “the way the planets are aligning and the fact that we’re getting a blood moon has me worried. I sense severe werewolf activities on the horizon. You better walk your coworker to her car tonight after you’ve closed” and I didn’t even know what to say I was just like “yes ma’am”

You heard that and just went <END DIALOGUE>

​finally something we gamers can drink out of

oh thank god… im so thirsty……

not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost

obsessed with bed.. i love bed. obsessed with pillows blankets and such literally love sleeping

Remember being like 13 and being like I'm a creep I'm a weirdo.. And then you get older and you're like oh I was just 13 actually. And then you get older again and you're like maybe I was onto something maybe there is something wrong with me

for the record i have never hit post limit. like in my entire life. i've had this blog since 2013. i can't even fathom how someone hits post limit like what are you even fucking posting

girls are allowed to be a little deranged just like guys are allowed to be a little pathetic

cognitive dissonance is an active force