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Please remember to practice good hygiene with this helpful guide! đ

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This is still the best thing on the internet
[Sound on]
(via)
In the heat of battle, photographer Horace Bristol captured one of the most unique and erotic photos of WWII.
Bristol photographed a young crewman of a US Navy âDumboâ PBY rescue mission, manning his gun after having stripped naked and jumped into the water of Rabaul Harbor to rescue a badly burned Marine pilot. The Marine was shot down while bombing the Japanese-held fortress of Rabaul.
ââŚwe got a call to pick up an airman who was down in the Bay. The Japanese were shooting at him from the island, and when they saw us they started shooting at us. The man who was shot down was temporarily blinded, so one of our crew stripped off his clothes and jumped in to bring him aboard. He couldnât have swum very well wearing his boots and clothes. As soon as we could, we took off. We werenât waiting around for anybody to put on formal clothes. We were being shot at and wanted to get the hell out of there. The naked man got back into his position at his gun in the blister of the plane.â
âAnd well, there was his butt, and I had a camera. I mean I AM a historian.â
That is the BEST EVER quote about the nature of historians Iâve ever seen
ALWAYS reblog WW2 Dumbo ass
This âGod Creating Thingsâ series by @lonnieiiv on TikTok is HILARIOUS!
God: Now listen to me Gabriel, these are going to be really fun because some go on pizzas.
Gabriel: Yeah, okay, okay.
God: You like that? And then some will make you see things.
Gabriel: ...âKay?
God: And some, Gabriel, some just... kill you.
Gabriel: [Long pause] You doinâ okay, pal?
A little bird told us that book!Geralt has catlike eyes so Jaskier couldnât resist~đą

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This is gonna sound fucked up but i love tight grapes. You know what I mean when the grape is nice and tight and ur incisors pierce thru them like needles popping a balloon
Me: *passes a blunt to the demon in my house* AHAAA gotcha bitch , that was laced with sage get the fuck out my house
My family is not very religious most of the time. Â We pray at Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving dinners, and my momâs entire side of the family excluding her parents and siblings is hardcore religious so whenever we do anything with them itâs kind of religious.
But the point is, most of the time we arenât, but every year at Christmas time, a church in the next town over puts on a Bethlehem and itâs kind of a tradition to go. Â They go all out. Â The building is massive, and theyâve got it all decked out. Â Thereâs animals and stalls and everyone is in costume and in character. Â When you get there, they give you some pennies and you can go and barter for cool little trinkets, and thereâs other more expensive things you can buy with your own money. Â And they have the best apple cider. Â All in all, itâs pretty cool.
But anyway. Â We go every year, bundled up in hats and scarves and mittens, and have a good time. Â Weâve been doing it for as long as I can remember, and my mom talks about going when she was a kid.
Iâm going to mention again that everyone is massively in character, especially the really super hardcore religious adults. Â Because this is an important fact.
Every year since I was about thirteen or so, thereâs been this one lady who worked at a stall selling ponchos (I have, like, three. Â Theyâre really cool). Â She was probably there before that, but I was thirteen when she started trying to barter for me to marry her son, who was also about thirteen.
âWhat a pretty little thing. Â I think youâd make a very good wife for my son. Â These are your parents? Â Iâll give you six goats for your daughterâs marriage to my son.â
Her son, meanwhile, is in the âshopâ behind her looking absolutely mortified and like heâd rather be anywhere else than there, and Iâm pretty sure I probably looked just as embarrassed.
My parents gave her some sort of excuse, like it wasnât enough goats or they werenât ready to marry me off yet or something, and we moved on.
The next year weâre back again, and come up near to the same stall.
âAh! Â Youâre back again! Â Have you married your daughter off yet? Â I can up my offer to nine goats and three chickens for your daughter to marry my son.â
Somehow she remembered the exact people sheâd tried to buy their daughter off of for an entire year? Â So my parents are refusing her offers again and me and the son are trading embarrassed looks and we go on our way.
And then it happens again. Â And again. Â And again. Â Each and every one of the last six years this lady has tried to buy me in goats to be her sonâs wife.Â
 A couple years ago when we were waiting in line to get inside my mom jokingly said that they should accept this year and see what sheâd do and I completely refused because it was mortifying enough as it was.
One year we brought my friend with us and weâre waiting outside and my sister was like âAre you gonna sell Kee this year?â and my dad was like âMaybe if thereâs enough goatsâ and my friend was confused as heck and I was like âThis lady tries to buy me to marry her son every year.  I told you thatâ and sheâs like âYeah but I didnât think this was a thing that actually happenedâ and she was still skeptical and by the time my parents had finished refusing the ladyâs offer, sheâs killing herself laughing and then spent the next few months telling me I couldnât look at guys because I already had a fiancĂŠe.
Anyway, it happened again this Christmas and the son has somehow gotten almost ridiculously attractive since last year. Â The speech this year had something to do with how I was far too old to not have a husband yet, and the son and I just rolled our eyes at each other as his mom tried to barter with my parents for me.
This yearâs offer was twenty six goats and nine chickens. Â My sister looked up how much goats are worth, and was mad our parents didnât sell me so she could have sold the goats and gotten $2000-$8000 for them. Â My dad says theyâre waiting out on an offer of a camel. Â My brother thinks they should have it more than once a year so he can get more apple cider.
Now Iâm back at uni, and in my first psych class of the semester the guy sitting beside me looked really familiar. Â
As in his-mom-tries-to-buy-me-with-goats-every-Christmas familiar.
That kind of familiar.
We introduced ourselves before class started and I sat there for a couple minutes readying to make a total fool of myself in case I was wrong before turning to him again.
âThis is going to sound really weird if you arenât who I think you are, but by any chance does your mom try to buy you a wife with goats every Christmas?â
His friend gives me a weird look as he walks past me to sit on the other side of him, but heâs definitely putting the pieces together.
âThatâs you? Â Bethlehem in [city name], right? Â God, my mom is so mortifying.â
And we both kinda laugh and meanwhile his friend is giving us both weird looks now because apparently he didnât know that his friendâs mom was trying to buy him a wife using livestock.
So he turns to his friend and is like
âOh, I forgot to introduce you. Â Danny, this is my fiancĂŠe, Kee.â
And I kinda rolled my eyes and was like
âIâm not actually your fiancĂŠe. Â Your mom hasnât offered my parents enough goats yet. Â But apparently my dad will sell me for a camel.â
And he laughed and shook his head like
âI am not telling my mom that. Â I donât want to see what she has planned for if your parents ever accept.â
So yeah. Â His friend was really confused by that point and we explained it to him and it turns out heâs pretty cool and weâre Facebook friends now and hang out in psych classes. Â Apparently his mom only ever tries to buy me for him and she and my mom had gone to the same church growing up which is why she can always pick us out.
So yeah. Â Thatâs the story of how some lady tries to use goats to buy me to be her ridiculously attractive sonâs wife every Christmas, and how heâs in my class and weâre friends now.
It was the 23rd of December, 2017, and my sister had convinced her friend to come with us this year.
âAnd thatâs where Keeâs fiancĂŠ usually is,â Sam explained as we stood in the line waiting to get inside. Â Her friend gave her the same sceptical look sheâd apparently been giving since Sam had first told her.
âHeâs not my fiancĂŠ,â I pointed out, trying to rub some feeling back into my hands. Â The Goat Guy had been texting me updates since that morning. Â The organizers had discussed it at length, but apparently temperatures of negative eighteen, thirteen inches of snow, and a blizzard warning werenât quite enough to have Bethlehem cancelled (or for my parents to decide to skip it this year). Â Hashtag Canada.
The line was long this year, and weâd already been standing out in the cold for the better part of half an hour. Â My brother was loudly lamenting the fact that we couldnât get to the hot apple cider until weâd made it inside.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I braved taking off a glove to check it.
âWho do you keep texting?â my mom asked, not-so-subtly trying to peer over my shoulder at my phone.
âGregory from psychology,â I told her, sending off a text informing him that we were still in line. Â It wasnât technically a lie, since, you know, that was his actual name and he was in my psychology classes. Â It wasnât my fault that my family only knew him as the Goat Guy.
Keep reading
I am so proud to say that my college is so LGBT friendly, that in a survey Res Life put out they forgot to include straight people.
This is a fucking power move
THANK YOU CHRIS PRATT FOR GIVING US THIS VIDEO!

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Rich people showers
reblogging for that gif
iâm sorry i couldnât help myselfÂ
Not gonna not reblog thisâŚ.
The drawings are a necessary addition. (Gargle shower and fireplace showers still best)
*muffled screams*
nakedsasquatch itâs ya man
Okay but seriously folks - as often as I joke about this movie stirs my loins and as weirdly popular as this text post got a while back, I wanna rap with you all about why the George of the Jungle remake is a pretty important piece of cinema.
Itâs literally the only movie I can think of that is based completely around the unheard of âFEMALE gaze.â Granted, while Iâm a huge movie buff Iâve not seen every movie ever made. But even so, even if thereâs another example of the âfemale gazeâ in cinema that has escaped me itâs still damn impressive that a kids movie from 1997 based on a Jay Ward cartoon from the 60âs managed to turn gender representation in media on itâs fucking ass!
First things first, letâs look at our leading lady and love interest - Ursula, played by Leslie Mann.
Let me just say that while Leslie Mann is adorable and a talented actress, she does look a little less conventional and a little more plain compared to the bombshells that Hollywood likes to churn out. Leslie, in comparison, looks much more like a real women youâd meet on the street. She dresses pretty conservatively and plain throughout the film ; Wearing outfits that are more functional than fashionable for trekking through the jungle, pulling her hair back and so forth. Not that if she was dolled up and more scantily clad it would give her character any less integrity, but can we appreciate how RARE that is in the male dominated industry of film? Just think about all the roads a film about a woman in the jungle COULD have taken but didnât - no scenes with her clothes strategically ripped or anything! You can say this is a kids movie, intended for children and thatâs why the sensuality of the female lead is so downplayed but there are PLENTY of kids movies that handle women in a very objectifying and sexualized manner despite the target audience is pre-pubescent. Like, a disgusting amount. So I donât think âitâs a kids movieâ is why the film doesnât take ANY, let alone EVERY, opportunity to showcase the main female characterâs sex appealâŚ
âŚespecially considering the sex appeal of the film rests squarely on the well defined shoulders of our male lead, George of the Jungle played by Brendan Fraser in the best god damn shape of his life!
*Homer Simpson Drooling Noises*
Whenever members of the reddit community try to compare the sexualization of women in fiction to the design of characters such as Batman and Superman, I always want to just sit them down and show them this movie. Because THIS is what the female sexual fantasy looks like, and Batman and Superman are male power-fantasies. Look at him - his big blue eyes, his soft hair, his lean, chiseled physique built for dexterity rather than power. Heâs wild and free, but gentle. Itâs like he fell right out of that steamy romance novel your mom tried to hide from you growing up.
Hell, the whole plot seems to be designed around how damn hot he is! First, for the majority of the film, he wears only a small strip of cloth to cover the dick balls and ass. Everything else is FAIR GAME to drool over for 40 minutes. Then, after he meets Ursula she takes him with her to San Francisco just so we can enjoy him in a well-tailored suit (as seen in the gif set), running around in an open and billowy shirt along side horses while Ursula and all of her friends literally crowd around and make sexual comments about him, and my personal favorite, ditch the loincloth entirely and have him walk around naked while covering his man-bits with various objects while one of Ursulaâs very lucky friends oogles him and makes a joke along the lines of âSo THATâS why they call him the âKING of the JungleââŚâ
And yes, itâs also a very cute and funny little movie. Out of all the movies based on Jay Ward cartoons, it was the most faithful to the fast-paced humor and wit of the original source material (yes even the new Peabody and Sherman movie which honestly I thought was too cutesy-poo.) But thatâs not why this movie is popular with the gay community or why we all became women in 1997. Itâs just really cool that thereâs a film out there where the sensuality of the female form takes a back seat for the oiled up, chiseled, physique of Brendan Fraser (in his prime that is)
One thing to add: in the scene mentioned above where the ladies are watching him in the billowy shirt running with the horses, it pans back to about 50 feet away to two guys in suits at this party looking at the women and one of the guys says, âMan, what is it with women and horses?â So not only does this movie highlight the female gaze, but it blatantly points out that western male sensibilities donât have a clue what actually appeals to women.
ALSO
heâs non threatening
as mentioned above, he looks built for dexterity rather than power, but heâs still a 6+ foot tall extremely muscular man, and not once are you worried for Ursula when heâs with her
ALSO
letâs take a look at his rival - Lyle is a cravat-wearing trust-fund kid (who, interestingly, is into Ursulaâs fortune more than her, which kind of makes this a gender-swapped gold-digger thing too). Heâs blonde and Ursulaâs mom LOVES him. Heâs more uncomfortable and less prepared to cope with the jungle than Ursula is, in his pastels and shiny shoes.
But he talks over Ursula, insists he knows whatâs best for her, ignores her autonomy. In spite of the fact that Lyle Van de Groot is a rich, educated, social climber who cares deeply about his clothing and appearances he is a point-by-point checklist of unhealthy masculinity in a way that beefy, inarticulate, uneducated George could never be. Ursula is off on her own doing her own thing and Lyle hires two FUCKING POACHERS to track her down in the middle of the jungle while sheâs working (or on vacation? Itâs never made clear because he interrupts her before she can explain why she went on the expedition). Lyle ignores the local guides, claiming his experience with a bridge in Maui means the bridge theyâre on is safe - which leads to a significant injury for one of the guides. He then tells Ursula the guides are conspiring against him, trying to make himself and his poachers seem safe and the Africans who make up the rest of their party seem dangerous.
Check that body language! A post above points out that weâre never worried about Ursula when sheâs around George. Thatâs because Lyle talks to her like this. Look at his aggressive lean! Look at him literally looking down at her! Sheâs tilted away from him in the least threatening position possible and heâs so aggressive about whatever point heâs making. When he finds her after he pushed her toward a damned lion he kisses her and she pushes him away. Want a textbook example of gaslighting? Here you go: she says âdonât get all smoochy with me! I remember what happened with that lionâ and he responds âWhat are you talking about? I was fighting that lion the whole time - you were just so terrified you donât remember.â Then he shoots George! And then he kidnaps Ursula and attempts to force her into marriage!
Now look at how George and Ursula interact (slightly NSFW):
Even though heâs a big strong dude and he thinks heâs doing whatâs okay he lets her set the tone for their interactions. He accepts that heâs out of his wheelhouse and even if he doesnât understand it he does what she says is culturally appropriate. He learns from her! He listens to her! Compare Lyle leaning into Ursula above to this image of George and Ursula talking:
Heâs listening to her, all of his attention is on on her, but heâs totally nonthreatening. His torso is turned toward her but heâs not invading her space, his hands are clasped, heâs smiling, and sheâs the one leaning into him. Look at that smile she has, look how happy she is to be listened to. Her posture in both images is vulnerable but in this one with George sheâs vulnerable because she has chosen to share with him instead of because she feels threatened.
When George rescues Ursula from Lyle at the end of the film it isnât a typical damsel situation - George doesnât have a knock-down-drag-out fight with Lyle, he swings into a tree and offers Ursula a hand so she can reach up and save herself (and before he does it he acknowledges how much itâs going to hurt and *whimpers* and looks human and scared). And youâve gotta remember that George rescues everybody. Itâs not just Ursula - he also rescues a parasailer and gets shot rescuing Shep and Ape. He just likes helping, dammit!
AND this movie offers a perfect counter to the ânice guyâ thing - Ursula starts engaged to a jerk who her mom thinks is a ânice guyâ the moves on to actual nice man George who isnât *just* nice - heâs also patient, listens to her, has his own skills and talents, is okay with being goofy, has his own social circle and isnât totally dependent on Ursula, and looks amazing. Ursula doesnât go with George just because heâs a *nice* guy who rescued her from an asshole, Ursula goes with George because heâs an interesting, fun person who is supportive of her different way of being an interesting, fun person. AND heâs emotionally available. Google image search George of the jungle and see how many smiles you can find, see how many open looks of confusion there are, see how much sadness you can see in Georgeâs face. Now look for images of Lyle. His two expressions are a smirk and cartoonish fear. I know this is a cartoonish kidâs movie, but it is SO powerful that the hero shares his emotions while the villain masks every emotion but fear. Lyle doesnât want to open up, he doesnât want to be vulnerable, he wants CONTROL. George wants to learn, to protect people he cares about, to explore new places, to laugh when heâs happy and to be sad when heâs sad, and that he does that while being a broad-shouldered, physically powerful dude who is NOT totally self-involved is justâŚ
Like, look, I didnât sign on to tumblr dot com for George of the Jungle discourse, but Iâm just now realizing that this movie may have done the most for destroying my conception of stoic masculinity and gender roles as a child.
Like
Damn.
2nd reblog because this is even better.Â
George of the Jungle discourse is definitely what I signed up to this hellsite for me thinks
I didnât think I would ever lay my eyes on George of the Jungle discourse but fuck Iâm glad I did
This is a masterpiece of film analysis
Damn, I need to watch this movie.
I love this movie!!!
:)
If you look closely, the smiley face is not symmetrical.
i wish i was still a child so i could just find a bunch of leaves and put them in a bowl and pour things in it and give it to someone and they would say âthank u, mmm good soupâ and pretend to eat it and just accept that as my affection instead of likeâŚâŚâŚ talking to me about things like whats happening or how things are
âi am a monument to all your sinsâ is such a fucking raw line for a villain itâs amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos
classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh
âI survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.â
â Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Donât Realize
âIf the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.â
â Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise
this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis
âPick a god and pray.â
-Fredrick from Fire Emblem Awakening
Huh, itâs almost like art isnât just fine artâŚ
this is my addition to this ever growing list of raw quotes originating from unexpected sources
#discovering that the profound is lurking behind the absurd#just waiting for the chance to peek through like sunlight through the clouds#is one of the best things in life once you start to notice it
this is a beautiful way to put it and iâm gonna cry abt it

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Comedians explaining the presidency:
Trevor Noah:
John Mulaney:
Bo Burnham:
Iâm right and I should say it
Wait. How are peoples with siblings greeting eachother then?
âHeyâ
âHeyâ
âHey Dork.â
âI am not a dork.â
âYes you are. And mom wants to talk to you.â
âWhats up buttholesâ
âShut up Loserâ
âHey maaaanâ
âHey maaaaanâ
Or
âHey stoop-stoopsâ
âNoâ
âWho are you?â
âHey shitheadâ
âHey dickfaceâ
âWhaddup slutâ
*Hey âname of siblingâ* *Get out of my room*
âHey nerdâ âWhat do you wantâ
âSup bitchâ
âFuck offâ
*steps into the room and stares at them until they notice and stare back for a solid 15 seconds, neither of you move a muscle*
âwhatâ
âwhat do you want for dinnerâ
That last one!!!
(Steps into the room and stares at them until they notice you and stare back)
âWhatâ
(Leaves the room without saying anything)
âHey penisâ
âTHATâS NOT MY NAME AND YOU KNOW ITâ
The only correct response to âHey sisâ is âwhat do you want?â
Me: âSupâ
Sibling: *untranslatable grunt*
Me: *enters room* hey
Sister: *completely and purposely ignores me*
Me: great talk *leaves room*