I'm have officaly lost it... whatever it is

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

can’t wait to be making breakfast for my wife while she sits on the kitchen counter in my sweatshirt and underwear

Do men actually think these things lmao

no lol they dont a gay girl posted this

Funny how sex is an irresistible human urge when a man rapes a woman but when a woman gets pregnant and wants an abortion she should have been smarter and thought twice before having sex if she didn’t want a child

My reblog speed tho -

So quick

I like this picture because at first as you’re scrolling you see DOG NOSE and it’s very cute, and then all of a sudden there are MANY NOSES and it is the cutest thing in the universe

this is a reminder that bisexuals in m/f relationships are still bisexual thanks for listening to my TED talk

today i heard a girl say “it hot as the devils pussy out here” and since then i havent been the same

Holy shit

ari & dante healed some part of me deep inside that i didn’t even realise was broken and i’ll forever owe my entire heart and soul to Benjamin Alire Sáenz

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl 

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. 

internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.

filipino recipes: ask my mom. they know all the secrets. you think you made that minudo correctly? WRONG just ask my mom she knows

american idiot starts off all yeah lets kick ass but by the end of the album woah where’d all this emotion come from

because every teenager ever acts all badass and rebellious to hide the fact that we’re still scared kids full of feelings and tenderness inside

This text post starts off all kick ass but by the end its like woah where did all this emotion come from

sleeping with your stuffed animals is punk rock don’t let anybody tell you different

HOW CCUTE ARE BONERS LIKE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO THE PENIS WHICH REALLY MEANS THE PENIS IS BLUSHING LIKE HOW CUTE IS THAT SOMETHING MADE THAT PENIS BLUSH????

Go outside

Official petition for John Mulaney to guest on Brooklyn 99 as a cop modeled after JJ Bittenbinder

Look at these curvy letters! Much curvier than most letters, wouldn’t you say? You look, mortal, if ye be. You look, and then you type what you think you see! Is it an “E?” Or is it a “3?” That’s up to ye!

The passwords that passed, you correctly guessed, but now it’s time for the ROBOT TEST!

we need a nintendogs app i am sick of living like this