Saezuru is life 🕊️

Yaoi, also known in Japan as “Boys’ Love”, is a subgenre of Shoujo focusing on male homosexuality, for a predominantly female audience. (…) The word itself comes from “yamanashi, ochinashi, iminashi” (or “no climax, no ending, no meaning”), though fans have also come up with another memetic acronym: “Yamete! Oshiri ga itai!”(“Stop it! My ass hurts!”).

Source

I am choosing the term yaoi over bl because Saezuru could not have been created without or outside of its tradition and remains in constant dialogue with other works in this category. Although Saezuru can exists inside and beyond the genre at the same time and can be easily approached by the casual reader. 

On a superficial level you have what you could be expecting in a yaoi manga: you are quickly introduced to the two  - very attractive - main characters that embody perfectly the uke and the seme roles; you have recurrent explicit se* scenes, although they don’t always happen between the two main characters; everybody can be gay on occasion, even if the story is set around the underworld of the yakuza; there is r*pe as backstory, and so on. Except nothing is gratuitous, but, rather, every element is there because characters and story call for it. The majority of the se* scenes aren’t arousing, but quite crude or even painful to watch/read, but, due to the nature of the story being told, showing them is meaningful and necessary to understand the main hero and his excruciating journey. Se*, se* trauma, declinations of one’s sexuality are all topics that can’t seem to find an open place for people, especially women, to discuss - or develop stories to further elaborate on - without some kind of censorship or exploitation. But sometimes it can be managed, like in this case.

The main character, Yashiro, was subjected to r*pe by his stepfather for an extended period of time in his formative years. What happened to him is called for what it is, it isn’t romanticized or treated in a too light or insensitive way. We see very little about it, but it is there, it isn’t either sensationalized or downplayed. As an adult Yashiro doesn’t deny the gravity of r*pe when confronted with other victims, especially women, yet he tends to present his own experiences as a simple matter of fact, something that happened out of his control and consequently something he had to accept and live with. Yashiro’s acceptance can be read as an example of minimization or underplay of his experience, as often victims do as a means of self protection; but can also be interpreted as a down-to-earth and pragmatic way to move forward that corresponds accurately to the crudeness of the real world. Yashiro showcases strength of character and a level of agency, dignity and poise - even in extreme situations - that are characteristics we don’t see often associated with r*pe victims. As a consequence of his history, he has been dealing with hypersexuality since he entered puberty and his stepfather lost interest in him. The types of sexual encounters he seeks are rather specific, he looks for dominant and possibly violent male partners that won’t develop any emotional attachment and he easily finds what he is looking for in members of smaller yakuza groups. That is how he became too deeply involved with the yakuza in the first place, an underworld where men are more likely to be too homophobic to mix se* with feelings; moreover, in this violent macho environment, se* with other men can become an act of power and aggression and not a completely unbelievable event. That is how Yoneda Kou managed to draw a more plausible scenario around the cliché in yaoi where “everyone is gay or bi”, subverting usually unrealistic pretences and delivering a story that has better credibility than most. Yashiro is presented as a pretty boy and later a beautiful man, willing to play the submissive role and calling himself a masochist, appealing to a variety of individuals. In the brief moments in which we witness these encounters, we see a Yashiro very much in control of the situation, loud, verbal and empowered. These acts are presented in a neutral way that doesn’t play into the voyeuristic element of p****graphy and leaves the reader free to form their own interpretation. We can’t ignore Yashiro’s own point of view, though, that he is the one in control of what happens to him in those circumstances, even when his preferences and his behaviors take roots in trauma, as learned coping mechanisms born out violence, or when there is a compulsive nature behind his sexual needs.

What is important, the story shows how there really isn’t a “correct” way of dealing with r*pe. The experiences and coping mechanisms of another character - Doumeki’s younger sister Aoi - are completely different from Yashiro’s. One experience doesn’t invalidate the other. This choice showcases reality much better: r*pe victims aren’t presented with any solutions set, but often need to figure out their own way in circumstances that are often very unsympathetic. Avoiding triggering situations could be seen as a smart choice, but what happens when avoidance doesn’t work? After experiencing trauma, there are a number of things that could potentially set off alarms and the amount of anxiety and outright fear could be overwhelming. Yashiro has been coping with his own anxieties by role playing or reenacting triggering situations to regain and exercise his agency and overcome fear, although his strategy isn’t without risks: he puts himself in dangerous situations in which he could easily lose control again; moreover he still isn’t able to face deeper feelings or any kind of emotional attachment when engaging in se*ual encounters. Here another common element in yaoi has a different treatment: the emotional unavailability of Yashiro originates in such complexities and tragedy one can’t expect it could be easily overcome. It isn’t just a case of different expectations in boys’ upbringing or a difficulty in accepting homosexuality, but rather completely abnormal childhood circumstances that continue to have profound consequences and aren’t downplayed. Only touched upon and never really discussed is also the abandonment from Yashiro’s mother part, but it’s there. And it is a testament of how attentive Yoneda Kou is towards the story that she isn’t rushing or forcing the romantic element upon her characters, but rather she is giving an appropriate amount of time and space to observe our heroes evolving, together with providing enough external problems that call for action with an intriguing plot around the criminal activities and the complex relationships inside yakuza families.

As was noted in other sneaks, we pick up with Yashiro being very upset with Doumeki. Holding his head, kicking over the bowl of water he used to nurse Doumeki back to health. He doesn't look up from this position, he just says, "You've got to be kidding me." (alternative translations were "You're really stupid." (Talking about Doumeki... or himself?? HAHA!)

We are back in bookmark mode! Lots of long shots. Doumeki arrives confidently at Tsunakawa's. Just as an aside, I love Tsunakawa's house. The garden, the traditional Japanese style. Love it!

Tsunakawa asks Doumeki if he's going to get on his knees and beg like he did 4 years ago. Doumeki says, "I won't."

So Tsunakawa's guys help him.

Tsunakawa is pissed because Doumeki should be hanging his head in shame.

Tsunakawa says maybe you're glad this happened.

A cute pic of Kamiya because we don't see those much. Cue the Doumeki beating montage...

Tsunakawa says "I'm surprised you came back here." Doumeki says he's grateful to them for taking him in back then. Tsunakawa says, "You only came here because Yashiro didn't want you."

Tsunakawa says Yakuza are people who can't live a decent life. But he looked into Doumeki's life. Doumeki was a cop, who has a cute little sister and a mother, and went to jail for assault after protecting his little sister. Even so, a person with a family could still live a normal life.

Tsunakawa: "What does the Yakuza mean to you?"

Doumeki: "It's... a place to live."

Tsunakawa: "What does Yashiro mean to you?"

Doumeki: "He's the reason I live."

Tsunakawa: "Can't you at least hesitate a little?"

Tsunakawa looks so heartbroken here. Doumeki really did the only thing he could to break his heart.

Doumeki says, that Yashiro is precious to him. That pisses off Tsunakawa more. Is he mad that he wasn't the one. (Seriously... but in a Yakuza way.)

Doumeki receives his orders. "Kill Kai. Because you're a felon, there's no telling how long you'll be eating prison food, so get your affairs in order." Really brokenhearted.

Then he's told by Miraji that when he is released from prison, he'll be excommunicated. This is the only time Doumeki seems at a loss for words.

Because how does he stay by Yashiro if he can't be in the Yakuza?

Kamiya is told to make sure Doumeki kills Kai.

Kamiya takes Doumeki to a hotel room. Doumeki puts ice on his face and Kamiya tells him he'll use this gun and it's loaded.

He thanks Kamiya for all his help. Kamiya tells him that he can thank him but can't apologize to Tsunakawa?

Doumeki said he won't apologize, and he thinks that Tsunakawa wouldn't be satisfied with just an apology anyway.

Kamiya is mad because Doumeki betrayed the family, fell in love with a man, and put him in the middle of his crap. Doumeki says he doesn't see the gender of the person you love being an issue. You tell him, Doumeki!!!

At this moment, Kamiya opens up to Doumeki about his own little sister, whom he couldn't protect because he was just a kid too. Doumeki says that it's unusual for Kamiya to open up like that.

Kamiya says that when he was young (before he even had pubic hair), he stabbed his abusive parents in the stomach. (Under-aged violence is handled differently in Japan, as is murder.) He says he was just a dumb kid, because if he was going to stab someone anyway, he should have done it before his sister died. (I'm only guessing here, so reserve judgment until we have a translation, but OMG, did they abuse her until she died? Or is he saying he would have killed her before they did to save her from the abuse? Or perhaps that if he'd stabbed the parents while she was alive, she would have gotten better too.) It also looks like they lived in squalor.

Kamiya laughs and says, 'Yeah, it's not at all like me to share."

This chapter had so many levels of sadness, defeat, rejection, confession. Brazen boldness from our big baby bird. I really hope to see Yashiro meet with Tsunakawa again, this time for property rights!!!

Kamiya has reached Kuga status. I am so glad we got to know this about him. Now I hope that doesn't mean he's going to die now. Because he opened up.

Are Hirata, Aoi, Yashiro, and Doumeki the only people in the world who didn't deal with their trauma? It's worth noting that Yashiro managed to get yet another Yakuza fired from his job because he was in love with him. It's a record when you do it to the one you actually like.

It's Yashiro's game now. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have entertained the end of this story with Yashiro and Doumeki ending up in jail together. They'll go to the same jail as Ryuuzaki on the day Ryuuzaki is released. LOL!

That's it! Chapter 66 will be out on May 29. It's gonna be a cruel Summer!