all the reviews for atomic blonde are like “its an empty aesthetic film where charlize theron just dresses up in nice clothes, kicks the shit out of dudes, and has random sex scenes with women” as if that wasn’t my dream action movie 

let charlize beat men up and bang ladies in the year of our lord 2k17

A Pre-Raphaelite bourgeois

She just interrupted my venom milking.

If my intern comes into my hiding closet one more fucking time….

I'm going to release the spider I am milking.

literally me rn

when I tell y'all July is going to be a fruitful month, an abundance of blessings coming left and right, things falling into place; it’s really about to get crazy as we enter the 7th month. 🥂

i’m speaking it into existence

This speaks to me since I’ll be giving birth this month.

It better not I just ended an abusive relationship and am in residential hiding so I swear to Pluto if some shit doesn't get right soon.

When can I hit on my boss’ hot silver fox of a brother

NEVERMIND I don't wanna be looked at/touched/thought about in a sexual way for a long time.

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE

Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.

Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.

Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.

Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam

Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.

Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.

german recipes: this meal isn’t what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. it’s either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or it’s cake. there’s a 50% chance it’s actually austrian, but don’t tell anyone.

belarusian recipes: “cook over a slow fire until done”. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is “done”? what am i even cooking there’s no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower

turkish recipes: “if you do this, there’s really -REALLY- good change that you’ll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we go”

romanian recipes: if you don’t already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here

Brazilian recipes: make an extra sweet (preferably with chocolate) version of other culture’s food (sushis, hot dogs, pizzas, kibes, sfeehas, spaghetti made of chocolate; strawberry sashimis, banana burritos…)

Jewish recipes: no knish? Not a dish.

Yes visually a situation like this