Like A Reclaimed Bad Part Of Town

We stayed out until after midnight. With the child in tow.

I’m feeling very reclusive lately in real life, which means in Internet life I am writing a lot. Again. Finally.

One of my favorite human beings tried to call me on the phone yesterday, and I missed it… But to be honest I am not even sure I could’ve gotten through the call. I really would like to talk to her before she takes her big trip, and when we were texting on Tuesday it’s clear that she feels the same… But my social energy is so much lower than it’s ever been.

I have not been demeaned at my place of business in a very long time, and having that happen this week to myself and my team, from someone of high importance on a hierarchical scale, really has me spinning my wheels. It’s not as if I don’t regularly question my career… But having someone in charge who has no respect for anyone except himself is kind of a dealbreaker.

Yesterday was my father‘s birthday. I struggle with him in just about every way. We were actually getting along fairly well at dinner, until he started to make some comment about how people are so easily offended these days… And then we got into it. I had to walk away and change the subject in order for the night to end positively . It is so exhausting to be faced with parents who are emotionally immature and refuse to grow. He is perpetually stuck, frozen, and steadfastly refusing to face that reality. You would think that literally all of your children pulling away from you emotionally would be a red flag… But no. It must be all of us.

I’m finally trying to find a new therapist after being traumatized by the one I had a few years ago. Even the act of going through a potential list is stressing me. I found someone who on paper seemed good, but upon further research reminded me a lot of the woman who encouraged me to reach out to my abuser. It’s so hard to put your trust completely into a professional after being harmed by one.

I’ve been poking around Substack articles lately, and I am coming to the sad conclusion that platform is trying to be LinkedIn? Why on earth would we need another one of those websites? Is this really what it’s become?

I don’t know how to deal with an onslaught of negativity, especially in this landscape. We are all suffering, or struggling in some way… to only ever hear from the people I love when it’s time to spew the bad stuff … is starting to crush me.

Speaking of bad stuff, my sister‘s cat died. He was born in the same year as Brewski, and she got so much more time with him than we did with our boy. That fact alone makes it so very clear that there really is no amount of time that is enough when it comes to the animals we love. 19 years of Lenny, and still it’s as devastating as the mere 13 Brewski got.

I think I was just complaining about people only ever talking about the negative things in their lives, and here I am doing it. We are what we hate, I guess?

I need a vacation, or a trip full of levity…Maybe one day when my husband is not in school.